Dealing with minor disobedience

stonepimpletilists · 2015-08-12T18:05:26+00:00

Have your tried bringing her in on your vision?

if she doesn't know what will set you off, then she doesn't know your boundries... make them clear. show her your vision. She sounds like a girl who is happy to be a second char, just give her the plan so she can be on board.

you'll know you're leading when she doesn't need to consult you, and you guys get your budget done properly

Countpudyoola · 2015-08-12T18:42:55+00:00

She a SAHM or have a job?

SAHM's start to really lose their responsibility for money if you do all the budgeting and accounting. You know, probably not really limited to SAHMs.

Find a way to make her more responsible for tracking and accounting for what she spends so she can see the impact.

For me this was accomplished with separate accounts where her account gets whats in her sphere of control (groceries, kid expenditures, fun money etc) , but she has to tally it and if she runs out has to wait for the next transfer or ask me to adjust with a reason.

Scurvemuch · 2015-08-12T20:29:18+00:00

radio silence. If she gets the item, use your judgement as to what it is, do you want or need it , etc. then look at your budget. then decide the one or two places the money is coming out of then in person if she brings it up or when you see the purchase just tell her that its coming out of X ( dont do groceries, but if there is a "fun" allotment use that) leave it at that.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-08-13T07:18:55+00:00

Read WISNIFG. It has tons to tricks for this kind of situation.

UEMcGill · 2015-08-14T14:48:06+00:00

You're looking at this wrong. If you think you can force her into obedience or force your will on her it's the wrong tact and will blow up in your face. Slave masters force obedience, Redpill husbands lead.

This was a shit test plain and simple. She was challenging your leadership and resolve. It had nothing to do with the $10.

I use the envelope method. Here's your money, IDGAF how it gets spent, but the priority is Food, personal care, maintenance. If you run out of money, tough nuggets. Of course she failed. But after the first few times of her having to borrow from one fund to the other she quickly realized how stupid some shit was to spend money on.

I don't command obedience. In fact my wife can do what ever the fuck she wants. She can act poorly. She can be a bitch. She can blow money on stupid shit. But it's clear to her what the results of those actions will be. That's leadership.

druganswer · 2015-08-14T23:02:35+00:00

Right now being easily angered is your perceived frame. The ONLY way to change it is to not get angry for an extended period of time.

LTR used to say something and whether I was mad or not in my response she would instantly accuse me of it (if she thought it was something that may make me mad). I didn't even realize this change but now that I think of it she hasn't accused me of being "mad" in a long, long time.

Things to note: Your text kind of comes off as hiding anger (only because she still obviously takes you as an "angry person")

And nuking disobedience is going to come off as angry as well.

Anyway, I'd make sure to show her your completed budget and where each dollar you make goes. If there is extra money left over (hopefully) at the end of each month, budget most into savings and the rest into something that can give her positive reinforcement to be frugal with your money such as "vacation fund" or whatever.

Title	Dealing with minor disobedience
Author	ThatOtherMarriedGuy
Upvotes	3
Comments	20
Date	August 12, 2015 5:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3gqxcy/dealing_with_minor_disobedience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/dealing-with-minor-disobedience.208194 https://theredarchive.com/post/208194

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