Did some shit that might warrant apologizing for - advice?

Rian_Stone · 2017-11-17T16:04:35+00:00

Note, the difference between /u/red-sfpplus and /u/Marcus_Aurtrillius

Both think it's stupid be out out partying late. Red says it because nothing good will come of it. Marcus, because it's what she would want you to do, and a real man submits to making her happy.

Like fuck, being your own judge so hard to impart here?

screechhater · 2017-11-17T15:30:24+00:00

And, this is where it all falls down, for most dumb fucks....

Are you going to tell me, that you fucked a ll the hookers ? Are you going to tell me that you are not a man and cannot command respect and trust ?

The minute you fall into her fight or reacting to her and her wanting to command your life, which, happens to be yours, then you fall into her frame and out of yours.

Tell her she's right, "I am a dick..... and I'm special" the end

See your problem ? You stated one thing and did another In the future, "I am not gonna promise shit..."

Rian_Stone · 2017-11-17T15:34:52+00:00

Stubbornly refuse to anyways. In fact, instead of saying all that. If/when she loses her shit, just walk out of the room.

red-sfpplus · 2017-11-17T15:32:04+00:00

didn't do anything though

Whatever.

Why are you getting married in the first place?

Going out until 6am on a work night?

Nothing good happens after midnight. I have been there and done it.

But to answer your question:

No, you do not apologize. Don't even bring it up. If she pushes says something along the lines of:

"Yeah, it was a mistake to stay out that late. Working on no sleep sucks."

Bigger than that - you need a life assessment done son.

youcantdenythat · 2017-11-17T15:38:06+00:00

Never apologize, it doesn't help anything, it just makes you look weak.

Why would you marry someone like this? Is she your only choice?

If you want to stay out late, fucking do it, it's not her choice to make. She can take it or leave it. If she doesn't like it, there's the door. Don't tolerate nagging, bitching, whatever. If she wants to be pissed she can go do that somewhere else.

If you marry her with these attitudes, you are going to have a shit marriage and she will divorce you and fuck you over in the divorce.

You should read up more on this stuff.

Marcus_Aurtrillius · 2017-11-17T15:43:56+00:00

When you say you're going to do something and you DON'T do it, that's a DLV.

"I'm gonna clean up the garage this weekend, sweetheart." "OK great!" Two weeks pass, garage is still a mess. "OMG WHY HAVEN'T YOU CLEANED THE GARAGE??? You NEVER follow through with ANYTHING!"

Failed promises are just asking for a Shit Test. And yes, I know "I'll be home at 2am" isn't a "promise" but with women, everything you say they will hold you accountable for.

And just to flip it, would you be cool with her coming home at 6am?

You're getting married. OYS. Don't stay out all night again (barring special circumstances). Stop getting drunk. Your family will need you home.

And stop worrying about if she's gonna be mad at you. "Awww man she's gonna be pissed, I'm gonna hear it when I get home." You sound like a kid coming home with a bad report card who has to answer to Mommy. Is that the frame you want when you get off work?

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-11-17T16:10:53+00:00

You have been given a gift from the universe.

Do not give it back.

Do not throw it away.

You have been given six months notice of what the rest of your life is going to be like.

Why are you getting married?

Do you like the way you feel right now?

What is wrong with you?

I mean that inquisitively.

Why would you enter a marriage, give up your freedom, your options, your autonomy, your sexual frequency, your...everything, and start it out by apologizing for who you are.

How old are you?

Have you read The Rational Male?

mrpthrowa · 2017-11-17T15:24:30+00:00

It's not the sort of lifestyle I would live but hey, you do you. Just make sure you're ready for the responsibilities of a family if you still have the itch to have hookers waggle it in front of your face at 5am.

straius · 2017-11-17T16:34:21+00:00

Don't understand why you have guilt over staying out late. Marriage dynamic doesn't bode well if you're already self policing based on what she might feel.

Don't apologize, don't treat her anger as real or serious (else you help perpetuate and extend it), and don't accept a fight about it. Do not engage, do not defend yourself (that's engaging), do not contribute to a fight over something you have nothing to apologize for.

You simply state your reality and if she attempts to emotionally manipulate you with conflict or guilt trips, you disengage while telling her you're not going to fight over it and leave. Remove time/attention as long as necessary, do not get butthurt about it or bitter in attitude when you are in her presence during the attention removal.

IOW, be bigger than the fight and childish emotional fight.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-11-17T21:34:28+00:00

Is this one of your two apologies that you get in a lifetime? Hmmm?

drty_pr · 2017-11-17T22:45:39+00:00

Why do you think you should apologize? Her feelz or your realz?

bogeyd6 · 2017-11-18T04:35:56+00:00

Never apologize. Ever.

sars445 · 2017-11-20T19:41:25+00:00

Under the circumstances, don't bring it up.. and if she does, yeah a little apology for being so late. Next time - "Hey it might be a pretty late night dont be surprised if im home as the sun is coming up"

Title	Did some shit that might warrant apologizing for - advice?
Author	OPatriarca
Upvotes	2
Comments	36
Date	November 17, 2017 3:14 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7dll6x/did_some_shit_that_might_warrant_apologizing_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/did-some-shit-that-might-warrant-apologizing-for.205159 https://theredarchive.com/post/205159

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