Doing it for yourself

bangorlol · 2016-10-04T13:32:50+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain here (downvotes and differing opinions are welcome) and say that it's normal. RPT at its core is about validation from others. "Be attractive, don't be unattractive" is a testament to this. We lift so we're healthy and look good in the hopes of sparking attraction with our wives and others. We outperform others professionally to impress our superiors (unless we own the businesses we work for) to gain something.

There's nothing wrong with being awesome and daydreaming about people's reactions to your transformation. Sure, you should always want to do it for yourself, but disowning the added benefits of being the most attractive and valuable person in your group will do nothing but hinder you.

Many people do great things with a "Fuck You" mentality. You said I couldn't squat 450? Fuck you, I'm going to do it. Rubbing shit in someone's face is an excellent motivator that shouldn't be tossed out. At the end of the day you still get the added benefit of looking good and being healthy. It doesn't matter how you got there so long as you're personally happy with the results.

Edit: To add to this, having a social moderator to keep your goals on track will keep your laziness in check. When you start living entirely for yourself, you're at your own will. If you don't want to lift anymore because of X reason, you've already decided you don't want to do it and have no accountability. I'm not saying to tell people your goals, but pretend you have. Nobody wants to be a sack of turds that doesn't finish anything.

Alpha_Rising · 2016-10-04T20:11:49+00:00

Here's how I see this:

Red Pill is a counter-movement. One core Red Pill idea is that the pendulum has swung too far in the direction of radical feminism and the degradation of natural, healthy male masculinity. As with any counter-movement, swinging the pendulum in the other direction requires some hyperbole to present a clear, stark contrast between Blue Pill and Red Pill.

The issue you raised--external validation--is a good example of the hyperbole that can be found in Red Pill publications and fora. Blue Pill ideology is all about making you a nice, gentle, submissive, people-pleasing, external validation-seeking pussy faggot. In order to counter Blue Pill ideology, Red Pill authors present the ideal of the extreme opposite of that: a ripped, dominant, self-centered guy who DGAF about other people's opinions; a guy who is just so fucking awesome with his awesomeness that chicks and other people just magnetically flock to him.

There is of course a lot of truth to the Red Pill version of the ideal male--e.g., people are drawn to Alphas. But as with anything, extremes are unrealistic; the extreme idealized Alpha Male that one often reads about in Red Pill fora is no exception--he is unrealistic.

One of the way's he's unrealistic is that it's impossible to successfully operate in society being totally unconcerned with external opinion and validation. You're a fucking idiot if you truly give zero fucks about anyone's opinion but your own. You'll fail in both business and relationships if you take that approach. Sure, you might think you're a badass, but you'll only be that in your own mind. In everyone else's mind you'll be an arrogant asshole douchebag. See how far you get in life with a reputation like that.

A healthier approach is the one laid out in MMSLP: strive to embody the full complement of both Alpha and Beta traits. Become a well-rounded, well-balanced man who is capable of both attracting and keeping his mate's affection.

It's important to remember that Red Pill is not a religion with a doctrinal orthodoxy that one must strictly adhere to. When people say "don't seek external validation" and "do things for yourself", don't go to an extreme in your thinking and assume that you need to strive for an unattainable extreme. Rather, consider what they've said as the counter-point to the prevailing Blue Pill narrative that your purpose in life is simply to submissively serve, provide for, and be controlled by an ungrateful woman who--if you're really lucky--just might let you get some pussy a few times a year.

So, when people say "don't seek external validation" or "do things for yourself", consider it in the context of the overall ideological battlefield between Red Pill and Blue Pill. In that context, what that means is to root out the covert contracts in your relationship with your S.O., to be confident in your own perspective and judgment (rather than only caring about and depending on your S.O.'s judgment), to recognize that your needs and wants matter (not just your S.O.'s), to not feel guilty about seeking to satisfy your needs and wants (rather than giving in to your S.O. whenever there's a conflict there), etc. Make sense?

If you're ever getting hung up on something that seems unrealistic and impossible (e.g., to be truly 100% free of any concern for external approval) that's because it is unrealistic and impossible. Red Pill is about swinging the pendulum the opposite direction of Blue Pill. But neither extreme of the spectrum is realistic or healthy. So there's no need to chase the illusory goal of being the extreme Alpha male who is truly 100% unconcerned with external approval or validation.

Human beings are tribal creatures. As Aristotle said, man is a social animal. To try to deprogram yourself to give absolutely zero fucks about external validation and approval is like trying to swim up Niagra Falls. It cannot be done. But each of us recovering Beta pussy faggots definitely needs to move a lot farther in that direction (i.e., to break from our extreme dependency on external validation) in order to be a healthier, stronger, more masculine male. And that's the whole point behind the fictional idealized extreme Alpha male; although you'll never become him (because he's unrealistic), trying to become that guy will get you moving in the right direction and you'll end up becoming a better, healthier you.

RuleZeroDAD · 2016-10-04T18:27:19+00:00

You are focusing too much on a side effect.

All of the improving you do does something that you do not realize: You provide value to the world and people around you. Attractive, intelligent people are a gift to the environment around them. You feel like you need to take a shower after walking out of a Walmart for reasons other than the filth of the store. You are besieged with disgusting.

People looking at you, responding to you, and wanting to touch and be around you is a side effect of you doing the right things for your appearance, health and relationships. Valuable leaders naturally attract followers.

Give value with your actions and interactions. Graciously accept (but don't expect) value in return. Repeat tomorrow.

Griever114 · 2016-10-04T12:21:32+00:00

This is a classic case of losing yourself over time. Congrats, many of us have done it. Some of us still do in some regards.

Personally, I am still unplugging from this mindset. Old habits die hard.

I spent so much time pleasing everyone else to my own detriment until i reached this sub when it all finally "clicked."

At this point, you need to really sit down and map out if what you are doing that day is benefiting YOU or not. Remember, a job is a job, which means they are paying you to do something for them. The compensation is money and benefits (ideally). If you are at the point where the money isnt enough, you may need a career change if the job isnt satisfying you mentally anymore. If you are DREADING going in, thats not good. Im at the point right now and looking for a new career.

I will leave you with this tid bit, if you died tomorrow... where you doing ANYTHING today that was JUST for you/your health/your future? Everyday you should be doing something to benefit you. I dont mean having a six pack of beer (moderation)... I mean something that will make you a better YOU.

We as men, have been conditioned from birth to please other people. From fighting in wars for the "good of the nation," being a "good boy," and all that other bullshit.

You should re-read MAP, WISNIFG and NMMNG.

EDIT: Added words

FireTempered · 2016-10-04T13:34:11+00:00

I vaguely remember when I was 18 thinking i am centre of the universe, I was master manipulator, perfect lawyer material, but somewhere in the road started hating those skills.

Over time the world around us and the the people around us try to minimize this in us. The key here is that you allowed yourself to be shamed out of it., probably like most of us, by just not paying attention.

Like anything, it takes time and effort to get back there.

Everyone, unless they are autistic, has some need of validation. It can be useful and pleasant if you do not allow it to control you.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-10-04T15:06:24+00:00

As long as when you introspect and ask yourself "why am I doing this?" the answer revolves around yourself. Sure enjoy the reactions you get from others...but don't let your reason for going to the gym to be those reactions. The reason is to look good in the mirror, be proud of your progress, be healthy, not ever come upon a situation where your strength is not sufficient to the task.

DarkAges1 · 2016-10-04T16:10:44+00:00

Think of yourself on your deathbed. You are looking back on your life knowing you'll never get out of this bed again. Will you think, "Yeah, that was great how impressed those people were of me."?

Mukato · 2016-10-04T21:59:35+00:00

I went and got a college degree as a "fuck you" to the parent's of an ex-fiance. I didn't do it for me, i did it to prove them wrong in the beginning. that only carried me part of the way. I had to decide to do it for me and then i was able to overcome my own bullshit and hamstering to get it done.

Those parent's never learned i got my degree and i have had zero interaction with her or them since then, but i used that fuck you form an external source to create something for myself, for myself.

Scurvemuch · 2016-10-04T11:14:15+00:00

There are two things happening. One is you give too many fucks about caring about others views. It's not inherently bad. It's bad if it makes you feel bad. Second is that ego isn't inherently bad if you use it right.

Had a prof in college who graded based on his perception of your results vs his determination of your potential. B+ no matter what grades I got. Like 6 courses. At the time I learned that my effort doesn't matter. In med school I learned that this was wrong.

Find a job that pays you to do something you enjoy doing. Even if it is that psychopathy called lawyering

Title	Doing it for yourself
Author	40mullet
Upvotes	2
Comments	20
Date	October 4, 2016 8:53 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/55sld8/doing_it_for_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/doing-it-for-yourself.207028 https://theredarchive.com/post/207028

Comments