Good from when starting out?

oobertas · 2021-07-25T02:08:29+00:00

Getting your first bearings on frame can be difficult.

To give you an example of what it is, remember that feeling you had with a trusted authority figure, like a good parent, who could exert influence on you with the mere sigh, facial expression, or threat of disappointment? Who you went out of the way to impress or to avoid disappointing?

Well, then you were "in" that parent's "frame". Their approval or disapproval served as your conscience. Their evaluation of you was your evaluation of yourself. What they saw as your potential is what you saw as your potential.

Operating from your own frame is very similar but also very different. You absolutely do have a person who you satisfy or disappoint, but that person is you.

Operating from your own frame is when you in a sense become your own parent. You discipline yourself and you coach up yourself so as not to let anyone fuck with your kid's head (the kid being you in this analogy as well). Your evaluation of yourself is the only one that matters. Your vision of your potential is the only vision you have.

To get there, you have to do the work of figuring out what sort of person you want to raise yourself to be. Don't be afraid to let it evolve as you get to know yourself overtime. The future you should always be smarter than the present you.

Frame is simply the result of this continuous process of you "parenting" yourself and actualizing that self with challenge, attention, and discipline.

I'm raising myself to be relentlessly optimistic, opportunistic, growth-minded, nonjudgmental, and playful. And I'm accountable to myself when I act or think in a manner that contradicts this.

But you might just as well choose a whole other host of characteristics you want to inculcate in yourself and raise yourself into that frame. It's what you want to be at your core.

The crucial lesson on frame is that you can influence it and make of it what you want. Most people have a weak frame that's really just a junction of one or more other people's frames, never realizing that they could choose and actualize something different.

Living from your own frame is the key liberating element of MRP.

If you want to dive deep on it, Google on NLP (neurolinguistic programing) and "the map is not the territory." The game guys cribbed the concept of it from NLP, but once you see it for what it is, you can recognize it being talked about by sages from all walks and eras. That should open a rabbit hole for you to get lost in.

As far as your interactions with wifey are concerned, it sounds like you're very green. On those, start to observe closely how you feel pulled to respond and then do something different. Notice that an influence is working on you, but that you have the ability to consciously do something else (e.g., pressure flip, amused mastery, etc.). Just that basic focusing on your own agency in the moment will start to work your baby muscles on frame. Very quickly you'll get better at it and start using it methodically and strategically. Even later, it'll just be how you are.

But before you can really build that frame, you must escape the "pull" of whomever these frameholders have been. No need to be mad at them. They didn't steal anything from you that you didn't let them have. And they probably did the best they could with your frame while it was under their care. But you will never be you with your frame in someone else's hands.

For me, the frameholders were my father, my church, and my wife. I had to claim my conscience back from them and build it to my own specs.

Eventually, when your frame is strong enough, you'll be on the other end of that "pull" dynamic of most relationships and interactions you have. That is, you'll be exerting the influence.

ilove702 · 2021-07-25T01:54:38+00:00

“I AM THE PRIZE” I took an honest assessment and realized if I died my family would be fucked, if my wife died we would be just fine so why am I behaving like a bitch and letting a fat shrew make my life miserable. Then I got really angry about being taken for granted even though it was all my fault and channeled that energy to building myself into an even better prize that that fat harpy would regret driving away. Then slowly but surely as I got my shit together I got less mad and she got less fat and less harpy.

red-suppository · 2021-07-25T02:49:37+00:00

Frame is basically this:

Do what you want to do. Don't do what you don't want to do. Think for yourself.

The tricky part is figuring out if you actually want to do/think something, or if your motivations for doing it aren't actually for you.

For example, cleaning the house because you want to have a clean house (being your own judge, thinking for yourself) vs cleaning the house because you think your wife will like you better if you do (letting your wife be your judge, living in her head).

If you find yourself trying to guess what other people are thinking and basing your actions off of that, you are not in your frame.

qwasd0r · 2021-07-26T12:33:58+00:00

I'm still pretty green to it all, bit I can say this: When you stick to your own frame in those situations, more often that not your wife will accept it and step down (very similar to a shit test). It's pretty exciting to see it work.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-07-25T00:22:42+00:00

Frame is you.
.you always have frame. .

It can be shitty or good.

Basically. Frame is having your own reasons for doing things and thinking things.

A tank " has armor " but it literally is mostly armor.

So frame is what you are. Your frame can be a shitty husband.

Pick a better one and become it

Petrosian8 · 2021-07-25T11:05:58+00:00

In my experience, because you've been so conditioned to live in the frame of whichever woman you're around, frame is usually something that you have to experience to understand, and you can't really be told what it is and really get it.

Because of that, if you're starting out, I would suggest not really worrying about trying to understand and have frame as a concept right now. Instead, in the pursuit of it, you'd probably be much better served by observing STFU, reading WISNIFG and NMMNG a couple of times each and practicing what you read.

She starts her shit and I go autistic in my head trying to think of all I been reading and how to apply it. I’m most likely going to say something stupid. So I STFU and go lift or work on the house.

I think that's honestly perfect for the stage of things that you seem to be at.

Title	Good from when starting out?
Author	Tohnjaylor11
Upvotes	10
Comments	12
Date	July 24, 2021 3:35 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/oqi6n0/good_from_when_starting_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/good-from-when-starting-out.793651 https://theredarchive.com/post/793651

Comments