Repost from r/AskTRP

Hello men of TRP, This will be a long post. TL;DR included at the end.

I'm a 22 years old and married, approaching a year of marriage next month. Growing up I've always been a bit timid and 'in my head', never really fitting in with the other boys. I spent my junior high school years staying up ridiculously late on MySpace playing councelor to girls who were having then-serious relationship issues. When I got to high school I decided I was done living life in the background and quickly developed who I wanted to be and then proceeded to be that person. I disregarded my grades and instead spent my time hooking up at raves, going to local shows, experimenting with drugs, and treating everyone like shit. Girls threw themselves at me. Guys either wanted to be my friend or wished me dead. I didn't care about anyone.

Fast forward to Senior year of high school. I dropped out towards the end of my first semester and maintained no contact with anyone other than my best friend who has since started a business and relocated to a different state. I fell back into my timid ways because of all the time I was spending at home, enslaved by video games. My parents wanted to travel a certain part of the country and, having no friends left at this point, I tagged along. At a crossover location we were staying at I met a total babe. Being in a completely different state, I decided to approach and we went on our first date. After a few months of long distance she decided to move to my state and I married her soon after that because she's a woman of value in the sense of being respectful, having a desire to be led, a desire to grow and to be her best feminine self.

Now, I realize that marriage is ill-advised here on TRP - especially at my young age. I understand the risks associated with marriage; however, what's done is done and we are actually pretty damn happy.. except, I'm not.

Despite my attempts to find the confidence and strong presence I had during my 'don't give a fuck' phase, I'm still in that timid mindset. At work I get compliments from people how strong of a presence I have and how confident I sound but I'm just acting based on how I used to feel. I don't let my wife know this but I'm sure she senses it from time to time. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I go to work and to school with a feeling of dread and depression. My wife is in the same boat except she always wants to spend time with me when we have free time. Hiking, cycling, clubbing, mind-blowing sex, whatever. She's ready to go do anything while I'm in this.. sad, pathetic loser state of mind.

I have no friends. No passions. No interest in anything. If this continues I fear that I will miss out enjoying being in my 20s. I'm worried about showing this side of me and letting down my wife who is in a relationship with someone she sees as a leader. But more importantly, I'm worried about letting myself down as a man.

TRP, I need your help.

TL;DR -Grew up timid, shy -Lost sleep to talk to girls about their problems in junior high -Became what felt like a God in high school -Partied a lot, had a great social life -Dropped out, became depressed -Met a babe and married her -Still depressed, wanting to find my raw masculine energy