Context: Married 13 years. 2 kids (11 and 8). Story not that different from everyone else i.e. amazing relationship before kids and then kind of drudging along since then. Read most of the sidebar and have been on MRP journey for may be 3-4 months but last month being more focused.

Fitness: Always been into fitness and so, that's one area I have always prioritized. 160 lbs (12-14% bf). DL 300 lbs, Bench 185 lbs.

Social: Need more work here as over time I have not invested as much in social friendships. Starting to pick this up more consciously.

Career: Always done well. Wife and I are both in good positions and make ~$1M total in household income.

Mission: This is a missing piece of my life. I need to do more soul searching here, but can someone help on ways I can identify my true mission. I know that I need to do the work here, but I am lost on how I really figure this out.

What I am struggling with and need help

I am starting to internalize that eventually MRP is about being a better man and just working on yourself. If that then improves other aspects of your life e.g., relationship then that's great. Like many of us, what brought me to MRP is: lackluster sex life. Once a week and it's not completely starfish, but definitely underwhelming. I am continuing to be better about OI when there is rejection, which is often (50-60% of the time). I have continued to up the kino, game since MRP. However, now I keep hearing these words "All you care about is sex. You are a sex addict. I feel cheap and objectified. Feel scared to come to bed". I know that I should really be looking at actions vs. words as bunch of it is just emotional vomit. However, she keeps saying this a lot. She is a feminist, which does not help the case. My first instinct is that I am not "attractive" enough and continue to mostly read, lift and stfu. Case in point: did kino all day yesterday and she seemed to be receptive then during bed time (I know it's not the best time to initiate) tried to escalate. Got a bunch of resistance and shit tests about "only caring about sex". I stfu and kept escalating and then she finally left and went/slept in a different room. I did not chase or beg. I slept peacefully too.

What I am trying to figure out is 2 things:

  1. Are most of those words i.e. "you only want sex" basically a shit test? So I continue to A&A, continue escalation, OI when rejected and just keep initiating when I feel like it? Given many initiations are ending in rejection, a part of me just says that I am too focused on sex right now and I should just take a break from all of this initiation. Should I just stop initiating for a while and see where that leads? BTW, she hardly initiates and this would largely mean that we would not have sex, which is ok to me (as it is no worse off than the pathetic once a week drip sex anyhow).

  2. I know that when rejected, you stay OI, don't act butthurt but you do adjust your time and attention (as you have other awesome things to do). For me, I struggle to continue doing kino, game when I am actually trying to adjust my time/attention. Don't know if this is some covert contract in my mind i.e. you reject so I shouldn't really be doing kino, game etc. But in my case, my attempts at game have also got her to continuously say "you treat me like only a piece of meat". My feeling is that I have not truly internalized OI and still have a bunch of covert contracts. Can someone help me understand the balance of continuing to do kino, game while you are also adjusting your time & attention after rejection?

I will continue to read, lift and stfu as that is my current focus, but understanding some nuances on above situations will help me internalize better.