how did you get over oneitis

Hi All,

I have been married for 10 years with two good kids. Happy life as a beta, but swallowing the pill as fast as i can get my hands on the books. I have read mmslp, nmmng and half way through rational male. The concepts and ideas really gel with me. I am lifting and working my way back to alpha (probably starting form 50/50).

Good wife and pretty happy, i reckon i got suckered into betadom during both pregnancies, when one is really required to pedestal and give up a lot for the wife. Oh boy do i see the error in my ways now.

I am not anywhere neat the target but as i mention the ideas sit well with me and i am confident in implementing them across a bunch of months, already i have seen snippets of 'the good life' from some leading behaviour, and possibly weight loss.

As per the title the question I have refers to ONEITIS. I have it bad. Before we got married I was diagnosed with Bipolar (yes its hell fun and also misery) and she really put up with a lot for a while. You can imagine this cemeted the oneitis for me, she did a lot, how could i not see her as the only one? - Yes its love but it is also from a learned 'need'.

Anyway, I am sure some of you will get into "me" and what i am doing wrong - thats great - please do.

But i am really hoping to hear from some of you guys about what got you past this, looking good enough to attract attention / cause dread is one thing, getting past it in your head is another.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]redandswollen 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-5 points-4 points-3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

ONEITIS is one of the things that I don't fully agree with it's core principal on RP.

My wife and I have been together since we were 15 and 16. We are 38 and 37 now. Lost our virginity to each other. Have a very strong pair bond due to it and the way our lives have been lived and the fact that my foot has never come off the gas petal.

When you grow up with someone like this you build your unicorn. Two people meeting at 30 are their own people at that point and sometimes personalities don't mesh.

I am not ashamed of my ONEITIS because it doesn't negatively impact me. I have slept with other women to see what it was like and it wasn't anything amazing. I could replace my wife from a flesh and blood aspect but unless she royalty fucked up then there is nothing I have not been able to fix along the way. So there is no reason to do so.

We have invested a great deal at this point and since we are full embracers of the traditional gender roles neither one of us are motivated to fuck it up.

Do I want my kids at 8 and 7 to be in a broken home? No way. I would do everything in my power to prevent that. But if I had to due to some major indiscretion on her part I would. But she doesn't hold me back, fully supports how we live our lives and compliments me in ways someone else couldn't.

By investing and building myself into the best man I can be it has freed me of ONEITIS. Loosing her doesn't scare me because if it got to that point then she royally fucked up and was no longer worthy of me. At that point I probably wouldn't have ONEITIS anymore anyway.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure. To put it another way, and I'm sure I'll get downvoted to hell for this but I believe if you are the right kind of man then:

A feminine woman can have ONEITIS for you to.

The key to success is for her case to be worse than yours. She needs to need you more than you need her therefore the power is in your hands.

If you have an unhealthy case of ONEITIS which a lot of noobs do have then reading NMMNG is an excellent book for you and anyone else. I read this book and got very little from it but I needed different areas of help in my relationship.

If you find yourself pussy whipped or being a Beta then you have an unhealthy case. If you don't want to leave you woman because you are invested in her as well as her with you, you have a nuclear family built, kids etc. then I see nothing wrong with investing in this woman until the investment doesn't pay back further.

Only you can tell if you have a healthy balance of ONEITIS in your relationship. So tread with caution. And yes for this to work you need to have a high SMV and most of your ducks in a row.

Good luck.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]theviciousfish0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]theviciousfish-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]theviciousfish-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I think you think that oneitis means that you are sick of having sex with one person.

Oneitis means that you are obsessed with one person, and one person only, also known as limerence. Look it up. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

It is 100% about your feelings toward your wife and yourself. Homosexual men do not have a monopoly on feelings. Humans have emotions. I assume, you are a human man. that means you have emotions. If you are married to a woman, and you have oneitis for another woman, you must be terribly conflicted internaly about these feelings. You feel one thing, but your culture tells you its wrong, so you ignore it and supress it. This is a cumulative process that over the years may change you psychologically.

I am not trying to be an ass here, I just feel like there is alot of misinformation flying around and its wierd.

[–]WikiTextBot0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]redandswollen0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]thewholefnshow5470 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is true. AWALT.

Your wife flirts with other men. Your wife will always flirt with other men and she will imply to them that she is available. Your wife may or may not act on such things. Your wife most likely has a back-up man ready to replace you right now. You can probably open your wife's Facebook page and see other men openly hitting on her, and her facilitating this. Your wife can and will drop you like a 200lbs sack of rocks should a better man come around. This is the way of the world. It is known. Loyalty is a male trait.

Your options: Bury head in sand and pretend that it ain't happening (oneitis) or show her you know the score and you will not be totally helpless. Level the playing field. Don't rock the boat -ha, the boats been rocking since you got on.

Ripping off the Oneitis can be painful, but you come out on the other side a stronger man. A good exercise to plan an exit strategy. What would you do if you found out there was another man? Where would you go? What would you do? Do you have any game to pick up other women once its over? What would the new free you do? Have a plan, and stick it in your back pocket.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	how did you get over oneitis
Author	simbarlion
Upvotes	0
Comments	23
Date	June 18, 2017 2:44 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6hzzgd/how_did_you_get_over_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-did-you-get-over-oneitis.205986 https://theredarchive.com/post/205986

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