My marriage is perfect and these red pill philosophies are all nonsense, over the past 10 years I've found that effective communication, empathy, being a nice guy have gotten me sex any time I wa... wait.. sorry I thought this was r/jokes

Background Puke:

This is going to be bad - I'm going to use bullet points and I'm leaving out several worse BP points because I don't want to be identified. Several MRP mods will likely contract cancer. You have been warned.

  • We are both 33
  • My hardcore RP dad died when I was 12 - raised by single mom (side note - don't smoke)
  • Oneitis in college - best friends with girl. She is in LTR with Chad
  • Chad is ultimate alpha behaviorally with insane game, but I'm better physically in every way except height.
  • I have many hobbies and friends that fall by the wayside as I orbit for several years as emotional tampon during their drama filled relationship. She always goes back. Finally she found out that Chad cheated and I'm there as fall back because I have followed her to a different city. We have a great friendship so much in common etc. but she doesn't want to fuck me as much. It is a couple of years before we get sexually active.
  • Chad develops oneitis for some reason and begs her to come back - she is confused. Finally she decides that I'm the one after I fuck the shit out of her one day in furious anger.
  • We are gonna get married she says "lets not have any more sex until marriage, I'm gonna work out and be hot and we don't need to worry about pregnancy that much". We were in traditional country - attitudes were different.
  • Fast forward married 7 years, with 6 month old kid living in the best city in America. Sex life basically never took off. Don't think I've ever had sex more than once a day. Never daily for more than 3 days and that only because we were trying to have a baby. Dead bedroom since Sep 2015 (today is 4/22/2016). I'm pretty confident that Chad has had more sex with my wife than me.

Current dynamic with wife:

  • After lurking here, reading MMSLP, I have realized that the house operates 100% on her frame - unfortunately she is like a red pill guy and I'm like her child. I fail literally every shit test, right now I'm in STFU mode - because I can either nuke or STFU and am too angry to effectively do A&A and other strategies.
  • She is insanely efficient, I earn 250k+, she is fairly successful and earns 150k+. Works hard, does cooking, breastfeeds kid etc. without a moment's rest while I come home and need a couple hours to reset. My attitude has been that some of this is her fault because she is OCD (not medically) about little shitty things lying around the house. Squarely blames bad sex life on me not doing shitty little fucking insignificant cocksucking chores. Situation with a kid has exacerbated - "you didn't clean this small part of the kitchen and I'm tired after doing it at 11:30PM after feeding kid and pumping etc". Since red pill I've tried to really own my share of the chores but some small thing is always not up to Mrs OCD standards.
  • She loves me a lot (she has no other friends and hitting wall), is seeing that something has changed in me (STFU during shit tests and waking up at 5AM to do SL 5x5), but I see that I give her zero tingles despite her "assurance" that my body is amazing the way it is etc.
  • She is 40+lbs overweight and my SMV is higher in my opinion (am skinny but SL will fix that - just need 10 more lean lbs).

The good parts:

  • Marrying your best friend (cringe) has benefits, similar tastes and shit, no real drama. I read a lot of MRP and TRP posts and at least I don't have that toxic stuff. Externally people think we have an amazing life. (Coming from third world eating 1.5 meals a day, yes we do have an amazing life all things considered)
  • Good times like vacations are amazing times
  • She is insanely trustworthy and loyal. (Difficult to apply some of your AWALT rules because of her lack of social life - which has other problems though as you know)
  • She is super thoughtful etc in gifts and all that, where I try to throw money at the problem and still fail
  • My son will grow up like me with single parent if I divorce (she is too incompetent to find anyone else). That is not an option.

Questions:

  • It is not in my character to focus on perfecting small shit. I also feel that doing these puts me in her frame. I do all the major ones, dishes, fixing shit (eventually), baby stuff, cutting veggies. What is a good strategy to eliminate "if you did more chores we would have more sex"? I am not able to maintain frame saying "I did X and Y for the past 2 hours and Z can wait till tomorrow" and this always devolves into her doing it and being grumpy at bedtime. I don't care when she slogs it out because of "she is responsible for her happiness" attitude.
  • What is the benefit of me hitting the gym on low sleep when my SMV is already higher? I get a lot of thoughts of nuking the sex in the marriage by telling her that "we will never ever have sex again" and becoming monk, getting an amazing body and withholding (I have insane amounts of self control). She does want sex sometimes (likely when ovulating) and will likely want kid #2. I imagine myself laughing in her face when that comes up. That being said, I recognize that giving her tingles and making this work is likely the right path.

I actually had to think hard about coming up with questions. I know what you guys will say for the most part, but I'm stuck in the first step. I am funny, make bank (which doesn't seem to matter to her), have nice hobbies that I could spend time on, but despise this chore crap. Basic ability to build frame is shot down with constant criticism on small stuff. I cannot find any fault with the way she handles either her job or her duties around the house (this is not oneitis talking). Any other advise to handle such a situation is welcome.

Random Thoughts:

  • People write very well on MRP (at least the responders)
  • Don't marry your best friend if the sex isn't fire
  • I spent a while writing and editing this, sorry it is still way too long, and my responses may take time over the weekend