Tips or code-cracking to help with son's shyness?

ArthurMacArthur · 2017-04-03T13:53:15+00:00

A lot of kids this age are shy because their parents haven't told them how to behave in this kind of situation. Our 7-yo son is slow to warm up to people he hasn't met before, but we have been very explicit about instructing him in common social conventions. "When you're at the supermarket and see somebody you know, you say, 'Hi, how are you?' and maybe you talk to them for a few minutes. When you're introduced to somebody you haven't met before, you shake their hand and say, 'Nice to meet you.'"

They don't "do" small-talk and adult-like "how are you's?",etc..etc..

Only because they haven't been taught how. Some kids, like our daughter, pick this up through observation and osmosis. Other kids, like our son, need more detailed instruction. We've practiced with him at home and that has helped a lot.

nastynickdr · 2017-04-03T15:01:01+00:00

Talk to him about it. Tell him to look people on the eye when talking, to not let what people say/do take him down.

Is he being bullied at school? I was when I was little and it chipped away my self worth until i had zero self esteem. It made me always look down when walking, have poor posture, being really shy, thiking people would make fun of me and that I was weird, and stuff like that.

agreatfuckinusername · 2017-04-03T13:27:05+00:00

no expert, but I met a dad who was teaching his son eye contact. When I spoke with his son, he encouraged his son to make eye contact with me when responding.

Seemed like a good starting point that many adults still haven't figured out fully (including myself)

Wyrdewoodsdweller · 2017-04-03T18:42:58+00:00

Try thinking about 'ownership.'

Just an idea and it may be nothing, but see whether your son has security and confidence over his own possessions like toys. With this, he would respect other people's property and so when he goes to a store, for example, he feels like it's someone who also respects property.

Sorry if I didn't explain it right. Just that I do know that we are a heavily-socialist society where the erosion of personal rights and spaces makes one indifferent to the culture than one where there's mutual respect.

ReddJive · 2017-04-03T17:48:31+00:00

He's 7. Not too much to worry about.

Just set the example let him see you. If you are together include him in what you are doing. show him how a man should be.

My youngest is like this. the hardest thing I have to teach him is how to make friends. This will likely be your biggest task.

discobolus_ · 2017-04-03T18:50:41+00:00

I admit growing up and up until recently, I was all kinds of beta and was almost as shy and awkward. It's taken me many, many years to grow out of the awkwardness - this behavior has exponentially been diminished through therapy, sidebar books, big life events and aging.. I'd hate to have my son take decades to "grow out of" or figure out this crap.

Kids have their own personalities, they aren't blank slates you can program to act the way you wish you would have behaved. Ultimately your kid is his own person....even at 7.

For every kid who you can "Teach" to interact with people how you would prefer, you'll have another kid who will rebel or shut down with the same message. I was a shy kid. My parents always tried to steer me toward not being that way, explain why I should talk more, etc. It just made me dread being in social situations around my parents and I'd clam up even more when I was around people I didn't already know.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-04-04T06:20:14+00:00

That's a young age to expect much directed training. At the Elementary school ages, they're personalities are growing based on the world around them and how you lead them at home.
My 10yr old son is really shy as well. Although I'm very gregarious and talk with everyone and he's with me a lot when I show him how to engage people or how to think of social situations and outcomes. But as soon as he's around adults or strange situations, he's damn near autistic. It's a process of time, leadership and growth, nut is recommend that you learn to accept where he's at today, but continue with simple and consistent leadership of social principles.

nantucketghost · 2017-04-09T14:38:15+00:00

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Title	Tips or code-cracking to help with son's shyness?
Author	radarshines
Upvotes	8
Comments	11
Date	April 3, 2017 1:13 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/636o9j/tips_or_codecracking_to_help_with_sons_shyness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/tips-or-code-cracking-to-help-with-sons-shyness.206324 https://theredarchive.com/post/206324

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