When to start?

SorcererKing · 2015-10-09T15:06:19+00:00

Get your anger in check. This may help.

Your issue with your nutsack is just that: your issue. You seem to have let it destroy your identity and self-worth. Fuck that. Get over it. No one cares except you. But it does show an excellent illustration of frame; you mope around with defective balls, acting like a lesser man who got rejected from the alpha club and guess what, your wife believes you and treats you accordingly. Then you get mad at her for it. Wonder what might happen if you dust yourself off, get back on track to being an awesome dude, and show some confidence?

stonepimpletilists · 2015-10-09T11:56:38+00:00

It's a simple formula

effort + time = success.

And it really depends on you for your question. I went in guns blazing. Others have done that, but really wern't truly letting their old life go, and would dig themselves into a hole.

Others would play it slow, build it slow, and got to a place they liked. Others play slow, and a year and a half later are still missing the basic fundamentals.

Just own your shit, be self reflective. Have a plan, and stick to it. you'll likely get some diversity in your answers, and this is mine:

She is no longer a wife, she is a shit roommate that you can practice being a better man on. Openly hostile doesn't bother me, that means someone still cares. Flip the switch and get to a point where she is no longer a factor in your life, complete apathy. Focus 100% on you, and when you get to a point where you know... you know that you can move on and be perfectly fine e.g. women taking interest, decent social game, earn enough to support your happiness, not losing your shit over things...

Then you can take a look at her and decide if she's worth the effort, or if you're just done. Good ones will see your changes and start "acting right" others will still be the same shitty wife.

And as for the reading. Unless you're a really slow reader, it shouldn't take more than a dedicated week to get through the basics, and a month for just about everything on the list. If it's important, you will find a way

FearDearg2015 · 2015-10-09T11:57:51+00:00

In general, the answer is to start right now. However, in general, it's said to take about one month for each year that you've been married. The problem, then, is to figure out how to start applying the knowledge without fucking your shit up even more.

You've already started lifting and reading. That's great. Now, you just need to shut the fuck up. Seriously, no more emotional outbursts of anger, resentment, sadness, or butt hurt in general. No emotional outbursts of the positive type either. Focus totally on fixing the mess that is your own life. No going around proclaiming that you are in a journey. No proclaiming that you are gonna improve. No talking about anything except logistics. Get out of the house more. Vent your anger in the gym. And keep reading and lurking.

Redneck001 · 2015-10-09T13:20:53+00:00

My wife and I used to say some harsh shit to each other.

Start now. How can you fuck up? You're openly hostile to your wife. Just STFUing will make your house more pleasant. I wouldn't go into any long, flowerly self improvement speeches, just progress through the dread steps.

Keep reading and internalizing. There's a happy life around the corner.

irateMD · 2015-10-09T11:59:16+00:00

Read about the 12 stages of dread in the MRP wiki. You can implement stages 1-2 today. Slowly work up to stage 5 from there. Don't implement active dread until you're out of the anger phase and your Sexual Market Value exceeds hers in her eyes. The only way you can reliably identify that point is when her behavior changes, the disrespect goes down, and she starts wanting to fuck you.

There are plenty of guys here who went from the brink of divorce (papers filled out) to a happy marriage. You're in good company.

Countpudyoola · 2015-10-09T13:58:30+00:00

Like the rest have said, the best time to start something you should have started already is this minute.

Redneck001 has it with STFU will immediately create a less hostile space.

As horribly overboard unplugging people can get once they realize they've been doing it wrong for years (at themselves, at their s/o etc.) can be dramatic. As bad as things have gotten, the good part is , at least from your wife's perspective is now you're fire blasted your marital work-space back to clean slate territory.

Along with STFU, don't come back in trying to build something with words. Have a nice action be something that requires no words. Just do it, don't talk or explain it later. If you want to work this out with her, she has to at least have a bit of hope that your love for her isn't totally gone.

My wife is a domineering bitch

You let her be. She had to step up to the plate because you became a boy in the relationship. And any woman will resent that internally and you for putting her in that position. Once you grasp that, the anger should subside. Focus all of that on you and channel it into self-improvement. That's her management style (of an employee who doesn't want to manage...resentful). It's wasn't fair to her to put her in that position.

You may build more bridges by stepping up and doing things she was having to field in the marriage that she shouldn't. So with the resentful manager, taking charge might go a lot farther than leading with dreads (you've probably already reached a pretty high level with the straight up go-fuck-yourself attitude as of late).

You're going to have to baby step this back. Because depending on how long things went on she may immediately test your resolve once you start bringing her back in your life. Make sure you pass those initial shit tests with immediate withdrawal. Don't do it angry or butthurt. More sad-smile / there you go again. Foundation work is black and white.

Anger is just the raw energy that can be channeled into something constructive = determination and drive.

Also, I imagine with any inroads and steps forward she may want to throw b.s. statements out there "What, you want to stay married." type of supposed comfort tests. And they may be real ones. But "I'll let you know." or "We'll see" should be as far as you play into it.

Good luck. My philosophy is if you aren't looking at papers in your hand there's always time to turn it around.

Trekneck · 2015-10-09T16:50:48+00:00

Go to the MRP sidebar and read the 12 stages of dread, it will guide you through exactly how and when to implement the things you're learning. I would follow it and be conscious of where you are in the steps at all times, don't start spinning plates and going nuclear until you're ready and you've changed your mindset.

The thing you'll hear over and over is that it's going to take at least 1 months for every 1 year that you've been married. If you dive in and swallow the pill for 2 weeks, then catch yourself slipping and not reading, not working out, not STFU, then you may find it taking longer.

Title	When to start?
Author	RPJourney
Upvotes	4
Comments	18
Date	October 9, 2015 11:44 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3o38sf/when_to_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/when-to-start.208035 https://theredarchive.com/post/208035

Comments