Am I doing it wrong?

htbf · 2016-01-06T15:30:49+00:00

I feel like this is a situation of "negotiated desire" vs "genuine desire". Ultimatums fall in the first category and you should avoid them. You need to come back to genuine desire. You need to find a way to make her crazy about having sex with you.

Try working on your body.

Introduce more dread.

Be more dominant and mysterious.

Rasalom72 · 2016-01-06T14:23:51+00:00

You went with the nuclear option right off the hop. No problem as it seems to have worked. But now you have to keep up that level of reality....

She needs to know that you can and will walk away, at the drop of a hat, but you don't need to tell her directly... use dread, and it lets her do all the work for you.

FrameWalker · 2016-01-06T15:00:25+00:00

I think it worked out okay for now. Focus on covert communication. Directly complaining can come off as needy if done the wrong way.

Make sure to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Is she investing nonsexually as well,?

idgaf- · 2016-01-06T17:27:47+00:00

Yeah dude, you shouldn't have to verbally demand sex.

I don't play dread game in terms of flirting with other girls or getting super ripped at the gym,

Going to the gym gains is not for dread game, it's for yourself. The dread game takes care of itself.

"technically not overweight based on BMI"

This tells me you're out of shape. You should be overweight according to BMI if you have significant muscle. Hell if you're even using the BMI chart you haven't delved into fitness enough.

1NV0K3R · 2016-01-06T17:32:11+00:00

alleged high smv

ltr

Please guys, why would you do this to yourselves?

MattyAnon · 2016-01-06T18:25:43+00:00

(sometimes in "weird" ways, like I hate huge breasts and I prefer non-American girls even though I am a white American

This is normal.

Sex was hot, heavy and crazy in the first two years ... it cooled off a little

This is the normal course of events, yes.

I brought this up as an issue twice in the last year - that I was not happy that her work was taking away from our sex life/relationship time. After having it not really change

Talking with women changes nothing, only weakens your position.

She's either given me a blowjob or tried to initiate sex pretty much every day since then.

Dread works.

Was that ultimatum the wrong way to go about getting the behavior

Yes. Don't make direct ultimatums. Your approach was right, but it's best delivered by much more subtle means (changing your routine, eating right, hitting the gym, flirting with hot girls in front of her). Girls respond to the relationship power dynamic, and you have committed to her. That kills her passion.

I'm too lazy/uninterested in getting out and flirting with other girls?

Her motivation is directly linked to your ability to replace her.
You cannot opt out of the SMV marketplace through an LTR.
Your commitment is not relationship currency, she will never show gratitude for it.

TheBadGod · 2016-01-06T19:19:07+00:00

You've gotten some solid words clarity so far. All relationships peter out after a while.

It's your responsibility to keep being the ideal you, constantly improving outside of your relationship with this girl.

Actual Dread comes from the idea that she will lose you if she does not keep your interest while you are "moving forward."

BrunoOh · 2016-01-06T21:03:46+00:00

Ultimatum sex is short lived. You'll need to be much more subtle in the future.

Sir_Distic · 2016-01-06T22:57:20+00:00

Serious question OP. If she cheated on you today and you caught her. How quickly could you cut her out of your life? Before bedtime tonight? A week? The end of the month? I mean total end. Out of your house/you out of hers. No further contact, including her/your property etc.

How long would it take you to eliminate her from your life completely if you had to?

Letsbeserioushere · 2016-01-06T23:24:00+00:00

You have to show her through your actions, not tell her.

Having a strong, lean physique SHOWS her that you could easily get other women.

Dread game SHOWS her that 2-3 times per week is not enough.

MrFuckupKing · 2016-01-06T15:17:20+00:00

Familiar comfortable sex with someone you know everything about will never be the same kind of sex as stranger, know little to nothing about you sex unless you can keep or introduce elements of that same sexual tension you had in the beginning.

These two types of sex are based on different reasons for sexual attraction.

You can keep your girl wet for you through displays of raw animal sexuality and power to offset her becoming to comfortable with you.

This is why makeup sex after a fight can be so powerful but the fight must not result in a drop in status (entering her frame)

I'm very physical with my girl. I throw her over my shoulder or pick her up. I use my body with her like I do when building a house and I'm tossing lumber around or throwing the football with a bunch of guys on the weekend.

I'm not talking about hurting her but simply letting her feel your physical power. Slaps on the ass only go so far.

Title	Am I doing it wrong?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	16
Date	January 6, 2016 2:16 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3zpxy2/am_i_doing_it_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/am-i-doing-it-wrong.187413 https://theredarchive.com/post/187413

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