Anyone caught into the coldness trap?

TheLonelyQuebecer · 2017-03-09T12:58:15+00:00

I've always been rather awkward or cold socially, but I know that after I'm done meditating or working out, I'm much more open of a person and at ease around people if this can be of help. +smiling too.

I naturally tend to keep relationships at a distance, so when it's time to get more personal (especially with girls) I often lose my shit and start either being super awkward and/or cold, like my subconscious was letting no one cross my inner intimate barrier.

plasticslug · 2017-03-09T14:47:55+00:00

I am at a point where people ask me to come hang out, I have a group of friends that actually seem to care. But I also am finding it incredibly hard to tolerate people in general.

I no longer look at personalities but rather look for TRP patterns, deconstructing everyone I know and tossing the weaker ones in the shit pile. Amazingly I have been able to keep it under control, I feel each time I go out I have to mentally prepare.

Suggestions? Well like a boiling kettle you have to have some room for steam to escape. I tend to joke a lot, and when you do this enough people are not sure when you are serious or not. Allowing me to say 99% of what's in my mind.

But in all honesty, be busy, when your patience falls get the fuck out of there, people will start to respect your time and see it as a gift rather than you being a lost puppy.

beachbbqlover · 2017-03-09T18:11:41+00:00

It's possible to not get entangled and still appreciate the struggle of others - to be around them without getting sucked into their drama.

The difference is that you're supposed to be actually content. You're still harboring a resentment.

because I don't give a fuck about them

So find a way to let go of that, and then you can start to move on to that balanced person you want to be.

quicklogaccount · 2017-03-09T19:02:15+00:00

I guess it's natural, I went through this stage.
At some point you reach acceptance though, and you go back acting normally.

A bit like this. Before RP you thought everyone was kind hearted and had your best interests in mind. You take it and you notice the ones that ACT the most and look like they're acting for you actually have THEIR interests in mind, and often disregard you.
Once you reach acceptance you see the balance there.

Eldudearino89 · 2017-03-09T12:54:27+00:00

Know the pain, BUT you still gotta get out and be social. Bars, talking to strangers when you are out and about, or find some hobbies that you can connect with other people. Building relationships is important in everyday life.

Kenny_Twenty · 2017-03-09T14:45:24+00:00

Interesting that you consider your behavior to be you, "caught in a trap".

SocialJusticeWhiner · 2017-03-09T17:23:23+00:00

Maybe you're reading too much TRP. Go out in the field and apply it. I found myself judging people before I ever talked to them. Really it's more of an ego defense mechanism to justify not approaching. Go out and get social. If you don't like your social circle find new ones. Invest time in your friends that are worth while. Lots of people feel/have felt your you do. If you open up to people a bit maybe you'll discover which ones do.

miguel28 · 2017-03-09T14:44:25+00:00

I'm in a similar situation.

I'm very sociable and I strongly believe it's important to be so. It's also important to care for those who are truly important to you, because they do care for you and one day you may need them.

At the same time being cold or "emotionally unattached" gives you a strength that prevails in the work place and managing stress.

It's finding the perfect balance of not caring for what doesn't matter and caring deeply for what does.

(Written from a toilet seat, in case there are mistakes in the above)

tempjewman · 2017-03-10T04:52:28+00:00

This has been my biggest issue tbh. Since swallowing TRP, I focused on improving myself. Eating healthy, working out, reading theory, working on my career. I became the focal point in my life/ Eventually, I found a sense of security and purpose in myself. I don't crave attention. I'm on a mission to craft myself into a high-value male.

Part of my attitude change included cutting off a lot of people in my life. The others I hang out with don't provide much value other than filling my need to socialize. I've come to realize that my friends will view me as the old loser I was, instead of the person I'm becoming. So, I continue investing my time into myself, with the hope of eventually starting fresh in a new city. It will give me a clean slate reputation wise and the freedom to do what I want. My focus then will be on developing a social network of positive people, increasing my SMV and exploring new stuff.

IIlllIllIIIllIl · 2017-03-09T12:55:28+00:00

Add people to your life who add to your life.

Trilldungsroman · 2017-03-09T16:47:05+00:00

I'm like this, but I'm in a few social circles where I'm surrounded by men who're empirically more 'alpha' than me. They've a deeper internalisation of TRP than I do, but my interpretation is they've far succeeded the 'acceptance' phase of swallowing the pill.

To elaborate, they've submitted themselves to the reality of the world, overcoming the emotional adversity that comes with leaving preconceptions - and essentially, your past life, - behind. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say many people who frequent this subreddit haven't achieved this mastery - myself included, but with a fair bit of grinding and work it's easily possible to become more socially embedded.

TheElite3740 · 2017-03-09T20:34:27+00:00

Yeah just became even more apathetic and cold towards things with women. Now I know what women are like, I don't even yearn or want them. Not that I had them in abundance. Too much effort

Title	Anyone caught into the coldness trap?
Author	silver-gun
Upvotes	49
Comments	42
Date	March 9, 2017 11:49 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5yem92/anyone_caught_into_the_coldness_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anyone-caught-into-the-coldness-trap.366 https://theredarchive.com/post/366

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