Beginner (at everything here), and looking to improve

wttr · 2014-05-07T15:39:34+00:00

A few random tips

Start with weight loss, as being overweight affects pretty much all areas of your life that TRP is concerned with. Do this by managing your diet.
Check with a doctor about your back before lifting heavy-ass weights. None of us here know the condition of your back, and as a beginner there is a high chance you can aggravate a pre-existing injury with bad form.
Develop interests in something active, ideally a team sport to develop male comraderie and help you learn to be aggressive when appropriate.
Find a goal for yourself in life, make it your mission and take steps towards completing it every day. If you don't know about the SMART goal setting process, look it up.

Modified_Hackware · 2014-05-07T18:11:09+00:00

You're 30 and never laid.

Pay a girl, this is a box that needs ticking.

IWantWhatsReal · 2014-05-07T18:06:04+00:00

In regards to working out:

See a nutritionist about your diet, see a doctor about your back. Focus first on weight loss. When your back is healthy again (that might take some months to years, I don't know your condition) go back to martial arts and lifting heavy. Krav Maga, MMA, Muay Thai, Kickboxing, Savate, Kyokushin Karate, BJJ are all great hobbies that are useful in real life situations. If you can get a personal trainer to help you with your training with your back problems, do it.

In regards to mindset and behavior: I don't think there's anyone out there that can reach 30 years of age as a virgin without heavy psychological traumas. I would be willing to bet you never had a positive masculine model on your life, especially on your upbringing. This only means you had been dealt a shitty hand on this regard. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy!", it goes deep into these problems that afflict a significant percentage of men (isolationist behavior, porn and video game addiction...). If you can't buy the book, fucking pirate it. If you can, get a therapist to help you heal these afflictions. A male therapist, and a good one.

As it has been said here, male comradie is essential.

dadu83 · 2014-05-07T18:25:51+00:00

You should qualify and quantify what is meant by a "grating" personality. Ask your friends to be more specific: do you come across as needy? whiny? emotionally insecure? or just a plain-old jackass?

Start hitting the gym if you can and couple that with healthier eating to promote weight loss and muscle buildup. I've never been overweight or fat, except for a mild beer belly. Nevertheless, for the longest time I kidded myself into thinking that the right woman will love me for what I am instead of how I look, etc. After going to the gym and concentrating on developing physical strength and muscle definition, I gained both confidence and have been attracting more women. Coincidence? I think not. I, for one, cannot stress enough how important the whole physical aspect of things are.

If you have been blessed with "a face made for radio" as I was, then see how best you can run with it. Maybe meet a hair stylist and some stylish friends, etc. who can give you some advice on improving your looks. Hair style, facial hair, glasses, ear-rings, whatever it takes. Personally, I've found that dressing in a suit is what works best for me so I tend to stick to that or at the very least I tend to class it up by throwing on a waistcoat or similar. In other words, pick a fashion style and class up the wardrobe. YMMV.

Volunteer at a pet shelter. You can meet plenty of chicks that way and chicks dig someone who is good with and kind to animals. You can refine your personality there and practice your game. Avoid the bars/clubs until you've developed enough confidence to be able to approach the women with an "outcome independent" mindset.

I second the goal setting objective improvement approach suggested by /u/wttr. Set yourself small, incremental goals. Something as simple as "I will do 5 push-ups today", and then add 2 every week (or) "I will talk to 3 strangers today and we will discuss sports" will soon translate into a healthy routine that will help maintain focus and achieve your goals.

Finally, regarding sex: Yes, it sucks to be 30 and be a virgin. I too lost my virginity very late and I remember the time when sex was all that I could think of or care about. In this regards, you have 2 options. You can wait for some more time and improve your game so you can land the chicks in bed but it requires the mental strength and focus to do it and not everyone will have it. Just the fact that you're looking to get laid will affect your game and in a worst-case scenario; destroy it. If sex is something that is always on your mind, then, as much as I hate to advise it on this forum: just go see someone who will take care of that need. Yes, I mean a hooker. Be safe, and treat it as a one-time thing.

MorePancakes · 2014-05-07T18:43:30+00:00

Welcome, new here myself. Working on the weight thing too. Just started /r/keto yesterday.

Start with some personal challanges, don't use your weight as an excuse to not work on other things simultaniously. I am working on weight and AA (Approach Anxiety) at the same time right now.

harkrank · 2014-05-07T21:17:45+00:00

I envy you because you have nothing to lose. You don't have to weigh pros and cons and relationships you can just go out there and live life as you want today! Tell us your situation. Are you rich or do you have debts or neither?

Stop with the games today. Just stop, you are way too old for games. Uninstall them now. If you want to grind something, grind Duolingo to learn a language.

Stop with movies unless you have a date, these are a complete waste of time and damaging to your brain. Food is a good interest, learn to cook if you don't already know. Girls love guys who can cook, even more today with all the TV chefs and cooking drama shows.

Go travel!

lordofthejelly · 2014-05-08T00:34:25+00:00

On fitness, a couple of tips:

Do something related to fitness every day, no matter how small. Every single day, even if its only a set of 10 pushups before you go to bed. Right now, 95% of the battle is establishing good habits.
Given your bad back, you may want to look into water exercise programs...water resists movement which makes for excellent calorie burning. That said, the buoyancy it gives will work miracles by reducing the amount of stress on your skeleton. Your local senior center could probably hook you up

mach11 · 2014-05-07T16:20:00+00:00

Redpill is understanding the sociosexual hierarchy. Being stronger, richer and more well connected all serve to improve your standing. There is plenty of info out there for you. Read the faq

Old_Pine_Tree · 2014-05-08T17:03:57+00:00

Step 1: Set your alarm for an hour earlier than normal
Step 2: Go for an hour-long brisk walk before breakfast
Step 3: Repeat this until it becomes a habit

This is one of the easiest ways to begin losing weight which should be your first priority. You are a man, so everything stems from the physical, and your weight is THE limiting factor.

Step 4 will be starting to figure out additional (and easy) exercises and ways to improve your diet, but this walking thing - since it is one of the easiest and cheapest activities - will be the litmus test to determine if you're ready or not.

Title	Beginner (at everything here), and looking to improve
Author	Wild_Clocktopus
Upvotes	10
Comments	23
Date	May 7, 2014 3:30 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/24yi3h/beginner_at_everything_here_and_looking_to_improve/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/beginner-at-everything-here-and-looking-to-improve.139696 https://theredarchive.com/post/139696

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