Breakup talk, advice needed.

vandaalen · 2015-02-22T20:53:48+00:00

Treat her like a fouling limb and cut her off imediatelly.

All this talking and all other bullshit only serves one purpose: To enable herself to cope with her fucking up, to give her reasons to rationalize away her faults, to make herself feel better about the situation.

It won't serve anything to you, except for prolonged misery and pain.

Delete all numbers, all contacts, block her on social media, don't answer any call or any texts. None.

She has died. Mourn her for two weeks and then move on.

I'll also hint to you, that she most likely didn't only kiss that guy. Read about trickle truth. Come to terms with the fact, that she eventually took the guys load on her forehead, after he fucked her furiously.

I wish, I could tell you something more positive, but unfortunalty there is none to be found. Do the best you can and shorten the period of pain and go and find yourself some other women.

Hit the gym tomorrow and start some 5x5-programm like stronglifts or starting strength. Use google. Alternatively take my route and go to an MMA-gym and start learning how to fight.

Good luck and all the best. Keep your head high.

tepper2 · 2015-02-22T21:53:21+00:00

You're a gigantic pussy and she doesn't respect you.

No contact, hit the gym, build up some confidence and learn how to be a fucking man.

swimcris11 · 2015-02-22T21:21:29+00:00

Hard next no contact. She cheated on you.

secret_barber · 2015-02-22T21:21:23+00:00

Pretend she is dead. Cut all contact.

beware_the_syllogism · 2015-02-22T21:00:28+00:00

TL:DR Stop talking with her, find higher value females. Have some self respect.

I'm a nice guy through and through Since you started with this No More Mister Nice guy is mandatory reading.

Is it worth your sanity? No. End it. You don't have to have a talk with her, you don't owe her a talk, and it sounds like you jumped right onto her emotional roller coaster because you are willing to talk and continue to entertain talking with her.

Married guy isn't a dead end, married men cheat and leave their wives all the time. He might be doing her heavy lifting at work and you're going to help her move. Don't help her move. She sounds pretty calculating and the nice guy is willing to go along with it and will get taken advantage of.

Huge red flag if someone is willing to mess around with a married person.

You are in her world and she'll continue to call the shots and Mr. Niceguy Oneitis is going to be there for her nonsense. By talking with her you are rationalizing her behavior to yourself.

bsutansalt · 2015-02-22T23:35:15+00:00

She's branch swinging. The new guy didn't "just happen" and I highly doubt it was "just kissing". (Trickle Truth aholy!)

She'd doing you a favor breaking things off since she's in no way, shape, or form mature enough for an LTR. Almost no women are in their 20s when the world is their oyster and the cock carousel is free of charge and the negative consequences are out of sight, well over the horizon (along with The Wall).

So how do you go forward? You cut off all contact. She made her decision, now it's time she suffers the consequences. That means you give her no more attention, validation, comfort, or support. Period, full stop.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men the same of commitment. This is where you get to have the upper hand so to speak since she can't get those things from him right now until after she moves. For the time being she's all on her own. This is where she'll realize "holy shit, this blows! what was I thinking". Be rest assured those senseations of loss will only occur in the short term. Once she moves and the new guy is in close proximity she'll start leaching off him for those feelings with a quickness. Just know that women are fickle, short-sighted, and really immature right up until they hit the wall, and sometimes for a good while after as they delude themselves into thinking they've still got it.

AMOist · 2015-02-23T00:29:53+00:00

The cheating escalates this to a black and white issue: It's done. Now act like it.

For your emotional sanity, I'll try to help.

1) If you're thinking about the other dude, don't. He is of no concern to you. Don't try to "win" or "beat" him by keeping your girl over him. Get him out of your head. Since you are making the rational choice to cut her off, as you should, there is no field upon which to play ball and thus impossible to win. Therefore, he doesn't exist to you and is of no importance to you.

2) Stop concerning yourself with her needs an emotions above your own. She and her emotionals are not philosophical ends in themselves to you (hint: You are). This is 101 for renouncing your Nice Guy ways. Her emotional state, needs, wants, and desires are no longer of value to you, and therefore you shouldn't act like they are.

Your emotional response is exactly that: a response, which presupposes that it is a response to something. The something that you're emotional about are ideas. In other words, what you think of things will determine how you feel about them. If you think X is good, and X happens, then you'll have a very different emotional response than if X didn't happen (or if you thought X was bad).

Knowing this, you clearly regard this breakup as a bad thing. Why? This is a great thing: You got off the hook before getting married to someone who's going to cheat on you. Why else is it good? You get to spin plates, do whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want to do it. So, you need to think of this differently so you can stop being emotionally negative about it (i.e. kick the oneitis).

Also, take control of your reality. You have no control over this relationship right now. It's all in her hands (so she thinks). Part of taking control of your reality is doing your best at eliminating things over which you have no control. While you don't have control of this relationship (as has been demonstrated by her willingness to cheat), you do have control over whether the relationship exists as part of your reality. Take action and remove it from your world.

SuperDuperShibe · 2015-02-23T11:08:52+00:00

You're hamstering. Look at it from a third-person perspective.

What is the obvious decision for you?

BePrivateGirl · 2015-02-23T03:49:04+00:00

Her perspective:

You seem really nice, and you made some mistakes along the way. She still likes you, but she definitely doesn't have oneitis for You. Think about that.

Sounds like (despite the fact that she already cheated, and that's bad) going forward she can't commit to you. And she likes you enough to realize and warn you that if you continue the relationship you will be helping her move, and then if you move too down the road, she'll be completely over you and will only string you along because she feels bad.

She is crying because change is hard, and she has feelings for you, she might even call those feelings love, but it's fondness for a past relationship, not a burning desire for a future.

You recently started swallowing TRP and you are in the perfect position. Let her go. She's moving. And now you are going to move on. I'll let the guys advise you as far as if you should take a break from girls to focus on improving yourself, or if you should start trying to plate girls right away. But good luck. Forget your ex.

slerpaderp · 2015-02-23T09:40:31+00:00

Once you're over her you'll read these comments and laugh at the whole thing. Work on yourself and get back out there. The truth is you let her walk all over you and you have to use that now as motivation to improve yourself. Not for her, but for yourself, and to ensure you won't let another woman do that to you again.

Title	Breakup talk, advice needed.
Author	Orrothir
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	February 22, 2015 8:43 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2wsm8k/breakup_talk_advice_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/breakup-talk-advice-needed.146424 https://theredarchive.com/post/146424

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