Does getting married instantly decrease your value in the wifes eyes?

repipsaloquitur · 2014-06-24T11:40:17+00:00

I know this is ask trp, but I'm a wife, so maybe that is some new perspective.

When we got married, this was a very traditional "young virgin" (as one of the other commenters phrased it) marrying a slightly older dude, but even without all of the baggage of previous partners, I was surprised by how much control I had over how I perceived my husband's value. I realized very quickly that:

If I was being lazy or selfish, I had more negative thoughts about him and what I thought he was contributing or lacking in the marriage. When I didn't give him opportunities to reward me or reciprocate service, he didn't. The more I was kind, affectionate, helpful, the easier I made it for him. I understand that men are autonomous beings, but I think that when you are a spouse rather than a girlfriend, there is more of a responsibility to support him in maintaining his frame.
We are fortunate to be socially surrounded by married couples who mirror our same household make-up. Strong, hardworking men and wives who don't spend every minute gossiping and nagging. The minute I start talking to my old college friends, they are falling over themselves to disparage their husbands and try to pick faults out of innocuous things I say about mine. The minute women start going down the group-bitching road, their husband's value (in the eye's of the women) starts to plummet.
My husband and I talked about this stuff exhaustively while we were dating and still do as we're married. Self-awareness is the first step in treatment for this. If he seems distant or irritated with me, I ask him how I can make it better. When I am emotional or am feeling the temptation to be lazy, I try to quash my pride and admit to it. Then we talk on the issue and head to the bedroom to sex any remaining negativity away. Works every time.

Obviously this is more the RPW point-of-view, but the point if to choose wisely. There are some horrifyingly true statistics on trp concerning marriage, divorce, and the genders in general, but armed with that knowledge, the individual man or couple can try for the exception.

KyrieMcIvory · 2014-06-24T05:22:20+00:00

The only people women work to impress are those with higher value that themselves. By marrying her, your friend has made the statement that they are now equal.
Women don't give a shit about people of equal status, so she treats him worse than before.

frequentlywrong · 2014-06-24T06:57:24+00:00

Of course they look at you with less value. You just gave her power over you. Women need to respect their man. If a woman has power over a man, he is not attractive.

captainbloodd · 2014-06-24T15:31:47+00:00

What's crazy though, is that you increase in value to other women. They see that ring on your finger and they see you as the unattainable. Women always want what they can't have.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-06-24T22:06:21+00:00

Unless you continue to game the wife, then, "YES"

asd1100 · 2014-06-24T11:13:59+00:00

If the woman is totally dedicated to you, and even gave you a child or two(guaranteeing that she will sacrifice herself, time, attention and love for the propagation of your DNA). Then marriage is basically the same thing on your part, you commit to sacrificing a large portion of your assets to her and your children's survival(in fact only for her because unless your are a total dick head you'll still going to sacrifice for your kids).

the woman is totally dedicated to you

this is the issue, few women are comfortable in this position, because feminism and society tough them that they should be the focus of everything, basically telling them that anything beyong the emotional maturity of a teenager is patriarchy.

Now you have basically 2 options, either while a comfortable relationship you move from a high SMV(nobody gives a fuck about your initial RMV, in case blue pillers where getting their hopes up) male to a 8+ RMV male(ensuring she grows along with you, that implies defining a red pill relationship) or you refine your skills becoming 9+ on both scales(not possible for everyone, if you don't have the genetics or a good upbringging forget it) and you fuck around until you meet someone with potential(hot, low partner count, feminine and not crazy), you polarise the shit out of the relationship and with patience she will develop into something like a unicorn(after 35 and she has 3 kids, basically when she has no options even close to being as good as you) and then you can marry.

I do not recomend anyone with a score under 7 to ever marry, the emotional mechanism of women will basically mean you will be replaceable and that means all that bullshit about love is just an act, one that even she might believe at first but it's just a disney fantasy with a run time of a hunger games trilogy.

drqxx · 2014-06-24T12:32:15+00:00

In my and my friends experience yes yes and...

YES!

pleasedontknowme30 · 2014-06-24T13:10:51+00:00

I think for a lot of women it might not be intentional or its done on a subconscious level but they " have their mate now " so they don't have to try as hard. I am not sure most women upon getting married have a rational thought of "well time to stick it to him" I think it just happens because of evolution.

redpillschool · 2014-06-24T14:12:46+00:00

Yes. http://puerarchy.com/2013/07/22/threatpoint-created-the-puerarchy/

captainbloodd · 2014-06-24T14:42:41+00:00

does your woman look at you with less value in her eyes?

Only if you lose frame. If you maintain your frame as the leader of the relationship and don't beta backslide, it'll significantly improve the quality of the relationship.

Your buddy needs to keep the mindset that he is still willing to walk away from the relationship if it turns to utter shit. Doesn't matter if there are rings on fingers or kids involved.

[deleted] · 2014-06-24T09:37:13+00:00

its difficult, but not necessarily impossible

masterrod · 2014-06-24T15:07:53+00:00

Marriage is that simple. The first year of marriage is tough for all couples, regardless.

Once she's married she will assume the role that she believes is correct. As the guy will do the same. It's unpredictable what will happen or how either will act.

She will ask her self is, "Is this is it? Is this all that there is for the rest of my life? Did I pick the right one?". In which case, it's important for a man to have a strong direction for the family, and himself as well.

I don't think value really comes into play that early in marriage, at least the way you're describing. But, you can bet that any woman will scrutinize things her relationship with her mate much more closely.

JossL13 · 2014-06-25T09:51:49+00:00

This is very sad to me. I adore my husband, will do anything for him, still sex at least every other day. If anything, it raised his value in my eyes. Maybe most women are acting this way, but it is not the case for me, however I am not a feminist.

Alex_is_not_on_fire · 2014-06-24T04:47:41+00:00

I have no idea, but I'm commenting in hopes that a more experienced member will know and be able to answer.

Title	Does getting married instantly decrease your value in the wifes eyes?
Author	loin_fruit
Upvotes	28
Comments	19
Date	June 24, 2014 4:38 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/28xtkb/does_getting_married_instantly_decrease_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/does-getting-married-instantly-decrease-your-value.140427 https://theredarchive.com/post/140427

Comments

YES!