Establishing boundaries in LTR

HurricaneHugues · 2020-11-09T10:08:18+00:00

I 100% guarantee you that all those boundaries you want to "sit down and talk to her about" are basic shit that are already monogamous relationship prerequisite. Shit like don't stay in contact wity exes, don't go out on dates, don't fuck other dudes, blah blah blah blah blah. These are all BASIC STANDARDS that is EXPECTED of anyone in a relationship. You are not to have to TELL her those things. If you have to, you already lost.

There are mo verbal boundaries to set. You don't need to tell her that if she fucks up once you're done. Be about it, don't talk about it. Let her be who she is, and not who she will pretend to be to fool you. Let her own morals and character come forward and from there you bounce or not. Less words more actions.

It's not your job to Police hoes. Your only job is to observe their behavior and adjust your commitment. If she doesn't have it in her to be the partner you expect, take back your commitment. Again, it's not your job to Police hoes.

daproest1 · 2020-11-09T09:25:32+00:00

Boundaries must be set early on, so I’m glad you’re here. If you want to do it indirectly, U do it thru statements. Just random statements. “Yeah I’d never be able to take a party girl seriously” shit like that. If you’re more of a direct guy, good, sit her down and explain what your commitment costs. She’ll appreciate and respect it. I’ve done it more than once.

I’ve done both. They both work.

TXJohn83 · 2020-11-09T09:05:34+00:00

Just leave her as a plate, you will loss dread by having any type of LTR talk with her. If you think you would enjoy spending time with her just start inviting her to shit...

Subutai_Baghatur · 2020-11-09T10:57:06+00:00

Girls know what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour in a monogamous LTR.

So if they are happy in one, their hypergamy pulling them to you will stop them from doing things that you don’t like and putting themselves in situations where they may seek or entertain other guys that they would fuck.

If they aren’t happy, they will do the opposite regardless of whether you’ve made overt boundaries because their hypergamy is pulling them away from you.

I can’t think of any examples where this doesn’t apply that cannot be corrected with rewarding/punishing behaviour before you’ve entered in to the mLTR.

redhorndog · 2020-11-09T16:05:41+00:00

Btw I really want to make it clear that one mistake and I’m done. I want her to know this. No joke, I’ll be out the door second that happens. How to convey this message best?

You dont. She should know it by the point of LTR.

How the hell do I do this setting up boundaries like a boss/without seeming needy or beta? Do I sit her down and literally go through items? Sounds a bit stupid but completely necessary. Is this showing low value?

I used to be like you. Let them know upfront that I dont talk to exes and expect the same if they want to get into a relationship. Now I just observe and judge.

Best way for 1 or 2 things is when she brings up exclusivity/relationship talks. Beyond that youve lost all power.

Askmrp will have better answers.

wheremyballsgo · 2020-11-09T17:07:15+00:00

If you're that worried about boundaries either she's got red flags that you don't like and are scared of or you're captain mateguard.

rpthrowaway1104 · 2020-11-09T23:32:10+00:00

acta non verba

Title	Establishing boundaries in LTR
Author	a03b
Upvotes	1
Comments	12
Date	November 9, 2020 8:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/jqu8yk/establishing_boundaries_in_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/establishing-boundaries-in-ltr.338787 https://theredarchive.com/post/338787

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