FWB hooked up with someone else, advice needed

El_Serpiente_Roja · 2017-05-09T18:02:15+00:00

Sounds like you already know what to do. Too invested, cleanse yourself of this girl.

Docbear64 · 2017-05-09T18:10:24+00:00

I would say dump the girl but do understand that YOU fucked up . You caught feelings for a fuck buddy , you treated her better than a fuck buddy when you shouldn't have , and because of that you attached to her in a way that makes no sense for that kind of relationship . If she's not good enough to be a girlfriend ( of if you don't want one) don't treat her the way you would treat a girlfriend that'll save you from running into this in the future .

I would drop her not because she hooked up with someone else but clearly you're too attached to her for your own good .

refusewool · 2017-05-09T18:15:28+00:00

The fact that plates and fwbs will sometimes fuck other guys can be a hard pill to swallow in itself. But who cares if she fucks another guy? You wouldn't be mad if a whore you like to fuck at your local brothel fucked another man. You should be just as emotionally invested with your plate/fwb as you would be with a true whore.

The options are to either pretend nothing happened and continue fucking her, or next her without explanation. Whatever you do, don't bring up the fact that you know.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-05-09T19:33:28+00:00

Soft next. Approach other women.

quicklogaccount · 2017-05-09T22:26:16+00:00

Maaaaaaaaaaaan, sorry for you.

Let's get this straight for starters. She did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. But you still got the short end of it.

Now, why did you get the short end?
She is setting the grounds and gaming you for the COMMITMENT deal. To do so, she caresses your ego and inflates your sense of self worth:

saying I love you (I didn't say it back), how we have such good sex, etc.

She knows how to play and she knows what she has to say, she's not a noob. She knows how to make you feel BETTER than other gals do.

From there and on it's all the same. You gave her a special spot, you assumed it was reciprocal (poor thing... but we all do), you realized it wasn't and you felt betrayed.

KNOW who you're dealing with next time. Women that hook on and off for years and cheat aren't average players, you gotta know how to guard yourself if you're going to play with them.
Noobs don't go sparring with black belts. The black belt can be mean and hurt the noob. The black belt might simply forget the noob doesn't guard and break noses without intending to. And it was all legal, the noob had it coming, that's how it works. Not all pros can tune down their game to prevent hurting people and women most certainly don't strive for that.

And by the way, this bit was extra naive:

Probably realized the other guy was beta or whatever.

You're getting the love bombs. Your ego is being caressed. You are the one getting gamed for commitment. And you're coming to the conclusion you are the alpha and he is beta? COME ON! Wake the fuck up!
I'll give you realistic numbers for probabilities of what happened here.
Very unlikely: She laid her eyes on the guy and "nah, he's less valuable than what I have back home". But there was strong pressure for her to give a chance and she didn't want to hurt his feelings. And can't offend bosses.
Unlikely: "He seems good, I might give him a chance, my guy is gone"..."Ops, he sucks. Damn, I can't offend my bosses, I'll have to suck it up a bit longer."
Likely: "I have fresh memories of VforVelocity but this guy does triggers my hypergamy! His random trait I dig is better!" ... "mmm. No so good. Summing up my investment, my attraction and my certainty of not getting rejected, I'd rather cultivate my relationship with VforVelocity".
VERY LIKELY: "I have fresh memories of VforVelocity but this guy does triggers my hypergamy! His random trait I dig is better!"... "I have defined guy is better! I want to keep guy! Will guy be my boyfriend? No."... "SHIT this hurts. Damn. I need to cash in my tips with VforVelocity, I know he likes me."

Man, she either thinks you're the best among two betas or you're the beta she needs to lock because the alpha doesn't commit.

which further reinforces to me that she knows she's done something wrong

She doesn't FEEL she did something wrong. You're not committed, and even if you were it doesn't seem like it'd bother her. Women rationalize this stuff so they don't feel bad.
What she FEELS is that her granted guy MIGHT be leaving (because you were insecure and kind of soft nexted her for a while, or because she knows you might get pissed at her) and wants to assess the relationship status and preemptively mend the damage.

bob13bob · 2017-05-09T18:35:36+00:00

are you seeing other women? i think you wanted a relationship with her but didnt' want to admit to yourself. Sounds like denail to me. I don't agree with others on here; the heart wants what it wants. If you want to have relationships with women, have them. You can't really blame her if you guys are fwb. Don't try to deny your nature, just try to learn from TRP to manage and be cautious about the relationship game. Not everyone wants to spins plates.

meh613 · 2017-05-10T01:00:08+00:00

After you next her, you should examine why you fell in so hard such that you were pissed off that they hooked up. Outcome independence is contingent on not being pissed off when this sort of thing happens after all.

Title	FWB hooked up with someone else, advice needed
Author	VforVelocity
Upvotes	1
Comments	21
Date	May 9, 2017 5:54 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6a72b9/fwb_hooked_up_with_someone_else_advice_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/fwb-hooked-up-with-someone-else-advice-needed.90855 https://theredarchive.com/post/90855

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