Getting back together with an ex

balalasaurus · 2015-05-27T16:23:42+00:00

Simple answer is that she's seen you as a beta and what is seen cannot be unseen. No matter how much your SMV rises, she will still remember your betaness that caused her to branch swing in the first place. In that way, it's just not worth it. Plus there's a stupid amount of women in this planet. Why go backwards?

aguy01 · 2015-05-27T16:59:16+00:00

You should get back with her. She will help you finally swallow the pill when she rips your heart out.

ToshiroOzuwara · 2015-05-27T16:13:44+00:00

Your hamster is going to have a heartattack.

spoetnick · 2015-05-27T18:21:35+00:00

Girl X can't turn you beta. Only you can do this. You are failing shit tests, don't have your shit together, you are dropping smv. You are still plugged in. Basically you are her BB, maybe you tried to act like an Alpha, but you surely weren't. She now knows this. You are a BB and no matter how much more alpha you'll become, in her perception you'll always be a BB.

Now she dumps you, you start improving yourself, raising smv, getting your shit in order. Probably you are still plugged in by now. You know what to do in order to look more manly and alpha but it still hasn't clicked. The assumption that we can't blame women for their behavior because AWALT isn't true. The fact that AWALT doesn't mean they can't be held accountable, screw that pussy pass.

So, you've lifted, a lot. You've improved, a lot. Your SMV is a lot higher. Girl X is starting to notice you again. You like the attention, you still have some feels for her. She screwed you over once, but because you improved so much, she'll never do it again. The fact that you apparently aren't holding her accountable for leaving you is a sign you are still plugged in. You were in an LTR with her, which means you probably had some true feeling for her. Yet she stepped on your soul, disrespected you and went running to the next cock. Getting back with her isn't just beta behavior, for me it's the pinnacle of disrespecting yourself. Use your logic to she what she is, based on her actions. If you are still in doubt of getting back with her, you need to jack off and think again. She probably looks less appealing now the urge for sex is gone and you can see her for the branch swinging, disrespectful twat that she (still) is.

Even if everything connects and you turn into a hardcore AF and somehow magically you do end up with her. In the back of her mind she still feels like you are the shitty BB you were in the first try. She will actively look for kinks in your alpha armor. You were a caring provider with little options last time, in her mind there is no reason what so ever that you shouldn't become like that again.

Just like if she was a slut a few years ago, and now she's acting all pious and monogamous. That doesn't fool you, she's still a slut only now she's trying to hide it. She might look like a good girl, but the moment she has the opportunity with seemingly low chance to be held accountable, she'll be that slut again.

Disclaimer - The you isn't you, OP. It's the hypothetical 'you' in this hypothetical situation.

Nice question. Good for sorting things out for myself. Let's see if I can get some feedback on this.

ThunderCuntAsaraus · 2015-05-27T17:48:16+00:00

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

edwardhwhite · 2015-05-27T17:01:10+00:00

the first sign of beta she leaves.

neomorphed · 2015-05-27T19:12:07+00:00

First, I don't advocate getting back with an ex. However, a lot of the answers I see here seem to ignore the frequent stories reported in MarriedRedPill, where guys are Beta, swallow the Pill and have solid relationships after. It seems this process should work even without the marriage contract.

Obviously if you have a marriage and kids you should be willing to invest more to save the relationship, but your question was purely around theory, and I think these examples demonstrate that it's possible to correct a relationship.

Now as to should you? Personally, I'd rather be with someone who was capable of cheating (AWALT), but never actually did it (that I knew of anyway). But that's a personal preference.

InformalCriticism · 2015-05-27T19:40:29+00:00

/u/balalasaurus Has it right when talking about what you ought to have known if it does fail.

However, let's say your male hamster is going to go through with it no matter what advice you get here. Let this be the last hurtle over reason and into your emotional bliss before the relationship fails again: only if she is beyond a doubt your best option should you go for her.

You got your shit together? Great.

You're still improving? Even better.

You won't ever stop improving? Okay, unlikely, since no one's perfect.

Now you can answer the real questions, why is she still your best option after your SMV went up and hers, presumably, went down after you were able to land her as an LTR pre TRP?

Why would she ever be as good as she was for you, unless your emotional attachment just forces you into that weaker frame (of mind/will/self-respect)?

The reasonable, amoral approach, that truly establishes that you're mastering RP ideas is that you plate her and spin her out.

Now, most guys are just not going to do that, and you're probably not one of the few who can turn off a beta past flawlessly. Nothing personal, but you just don't sound like you're going to treat someone you care more for than yourself like she doesn't matter. That being said, don't feel like you haven't learned anything and that your life can't be better, even if only in your imagination, "Look! I got my favorite toy back;" there will be days after starting this LTR back up where you narrow your gaze over a room you just commanded merely with your presence, and you will see many more shiny things you could call your own. But I get it. You want that one. It really is called oneitis for a reason. Maybe she is the best you can do, or you're giving up on yourself, because you measured your self worth from the end of that relationship and keep looking back. That's classic man. You got your heart ripped out. You're not alone, but that's no reason to measure yourself by her standards. Create your own, and if even after that, you're willing to settle for a relic of your past life, instead of having the ambition and gumption to look toward a better future... Happy travels friend.

bsutansalt · 2015-05-27T19:50:19+00:00

So lets say that we improve ourselves. Our SMV goes through the stratosphere and we gain abundance mentality in all walks of life. If girl x wanted to get back with you, would you do it?

Yes, but I'd only keep her as a plate because if you really do have abundance mentality then it's because you're also seeing and sleeping with other multiple women.

And then there's this:

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/

kingofpoplives · 2015-05-27T17:50:55+00:00

Say your LTR (girl x), has turned you beta because you failed shit tests and you didn’t have your shit together.

Merely having an LTR will turn you beta. Having sex with only one woman is beta behavior, by definition.

Its an unwritten rule around here that if you get cheated on, then its your fault because you should always be improving, but you weren’t.

Humans cheat on each other, both men and women, because our species is wired to crave sexual variety. It's not necessarily anyone's fault.

But in theory, why shouldn’t you get back together? Some would suggest plate status, at best. Why can't she ever be LTR material again?

Because she lost her admiration for you and labeled you a loser when she dumped you. Because of this, you will always be a loser to her on some level.

This is another drawback of monogamy. If you go monogamous with a woman, if it gets fucked up, she loses attraction, decides to stop fucking you for whatever reason, that woman will rarely want to fuck you again down the road because when it ends she mentally assigns you to the "loser" bin.

If you keep things non-exclusive, either one of you can leave and it's much easier to rekindle down road, continuing off and on for many years.

Getting back together with an ex

Comments

♂♂♂♂♂

Title	Getting back together with an ex
Author	midatlantic32
Upvotes	7
Comments	33
Date	May 27, 2015 4:10 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/37h2ql/getting_back_together_with_an_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/getting-back-together-with-an-ex.149406 https://theredarchive.com/post/149406