How can I learn to keep a conversation going

intl_plyrs_clb · 2019-08-10T12:50:20+00:00

Practice talking to EVERYONE. Man, woman, beast or child; talk to them. Read something new everyday that interest you outside of your field of study or work, that will give you a war chest of topics to pull from over time.

Also see my response to a previous post:

I used to be far too dependent on alcohol to socialize too. For me it came down:

Learning the art of small talk
Learning how to lead a conversation and push others into a conversation

Learning the art of small talk

People always complain about hating small talk, but I think what they really hate is when small talk leads nowhere. Small talk is a jumping board. Seriously ask people about anything if there is a conversational void such as: - The weather

What they're drinking / eating

Something unique they're wearing

The immediate environment

If they have any vacation plans coming up

What they did last weekend / are going to do this upcoming weekend.

Really anything. Humans love to talk.

I know how cliche and boring the topics sound, but if you approach the person you're asking with genuine interest and focus it tends to work out.

Small talk is like waving around a metal detector at the beach, you'll get faint beeps, but as you wave back and forth with different topics you'll hit some something and the detector starts beeping like crazy. Zero in on that topic.

Now just spewing random topics out rapid fire is going to be awkward which is where the second point comes in. Some people are also just socially inept. End the conversation and move onto the next person.

Learning how to lead a conversation and push others into a conversation

Sometimes you have to push someone along a path while you're making small talk. Think of yourself like the director of a movie and the person you're talking to is an actor. You need to give them directions, purposefully misinterpret what they said, repeat what they said with a new twist, ask about small details, ask them to fast forward or back up in their story, look at things from a different angles, feign ignorance, have them fill in the gaps of your ignoranc, look for unexpected humor. Who, what, how, why and when questions are you friend when starting out.

Be sure to also give back to the conversation yourself otherwise you'll just be interviewing the person you're speaking to

vaqq1 · 2019-08-10T12:55:26+00:00

I believe the best conversationalists are the best listeners. Listen to what they say. Listen properly instead and understand what they are saying and ask questions instead of waiting for your turn to speak. When you master that, conversations come naturally to you.

ATRP2019 · 2019-08-10T13:44:38+00:00

Talk about whatever pops in your head. There are NO correct conversation topics.

"Look how awesome that wall is! What do you think it's made out of? Oak? My family used to have an old oak tree in the backyard and we would swing on it after school when I was 5. Wasn't childhood fun? What's your most happiest memory as a child? Really? Why is that your happiest memory? you wierdo -tease-, Okay you are officially the biggest dork. It's okay, dorks are fun."

This is an example of how to talk about anything you want and it's perfectly acceptable. Obviously go back and forth with conversation and just remember that everything is perfectly fine to talk about. Try to invoke emotions when you can. Some touchy, sensitive or intimate topics do require a smoother delivery.

MKSHFT_ENJNEER · 2019-08-10T14:13:53+00:00

Pretend you're a talkshow host and your guest is the person you're talking with.

You want to ask certain questions that will generate some laughs (look around the room, be creative), while having that lead to some personal questions about themselves.

Most real talkshow guests are there to promote their upcoming new book/show/movie. In this case, pretend they are there to promote their life and sort of gauge their personality to see the best way to help them self-promote while keeping the conversation fluid enough for a "studio audience" to enjoy (ask questions but not like in '60 minutes', more like Jay Leno or Conan).

Lastly, listening is more important than thinking internally "what do i say now? Im out of topics! What does this guy/girl like?" Because while you're thinking, they're talking and giving you loads of ideas to branch off of. It's okay to go on a tangent (even preferred) if the main topic of convo is dying. However if they are revealing something personal, please remember to go back to the main point if you "branch off" on a tangent otherwise you may come off as rude or uninterested in possibly the most important topic to that person.

Let them tell their stories, read their emotions, and react accordingly. Just try not to insert big fake cheesy laughs every other sentence like Jimmy Fallon does to feign interest. Be genuine but pretend that your conversation partner was put on your pretend-talk-show on purpose and adapt.

red__Man · 2019-08-11T00:20:27+00:00

watch Joe Rogan Podcasts, the man is a legend at leading convos

WIA20XX · 2019-08-10T14:40:22+00:00

In person? Or on text?

NobodyP1 · 2019-08-10T15:09:36+00:00

I just read the title. My response is you don’t. Make them entertain you because your better. Not the other way around with you trying to entertain them to please them.

rockyp32 · 2019-08-10T18:00:42+00:00

My biggest advice is no fap and SRProbably practice and just focus on them! A lot of the time when we talk to people part of us wants to talk but the other half is u invested in what they say just put your attention to them whenever you get anxious and get genuinely curious. I still am not great but you don’t have to be tbh.

XXXMersenne · 2019-08-10T23:22:02+00:00

By practicing keeping a conversation going?

Project_Zero_Betas · 2019-08-10T23:26:51+00:00

Watch a lot of sitcoms, it gives you an idea on how to banter without putting in much thought.

tobyeatsfatkids · 2019-08-10T16:19:22+00:00

just ask questions and follow up with subquestions to the main questions

ex:

"do you have a dog?" <-- main question

"yes"

"oh cool, what breed?" <-- sub question

"when did you get it?" <-- sub question

"can he do tricks?" <-- sub question

it doesnt always have to stay on the main, you can always switch the topic. its just small talk, talk about things you like/interested in or something related to something that they are interested in. always think about what the other is interested in, theyre always going to be able to talk for a long time about things that they do as a hobby or something they enjoy.

if you ever run out of topics, remember FORD: talk about their

Family Occupation Recreation (fun/relaxing things they do) Dreams

another key part is actually listening to the person and being genuinely interested in what they are saying or talking about. if you run out of things to say, ask more questions about them, try not to speak about yourself.

AlleyFrog96 · 2019-08-10T18:17:44+00:00

Don't listen to all these complicated theories.

Just remember this

WHATEVER SHE SAYS > YOU COMMENT.

It doesn't matter just say something

Title	How can I learn to keep a conversation going
Author	aimene1905
Upvotes	22
Comments	22
Date	August 10, 2019 12:34 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cohh60/how_can_i_learn_to_keep_a_conversation_going/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-can-i-learn-to-keep-a-conversation-going.248390 https://theredarchive.com/post/248390

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