How do I make my LTR stop talking to a specific guy friend?

RP0986 · 2019-03-21T09:25:03+00:00

This is the problem with most LTRs. Society and technology has normalised the idea that it’s acceptable as a girl to privately talk and openly flirt with other guys whilst committed. The girl obviously passes it off as harmless and lots of girls have guy friends - you’re just insecure.

Are you though? Maybe you are.

Maybe (idk you) You’re scared because you’ve committed you emotions to this one girl and now her actions have the ability to control how you feel. How long have you had this sinking gut feeling? How many times before?

The real problem imo is this - you have no abundance.

If you had plates, if you felt good in your ability to get women and you decided that this bothered you (which it might not if you have many plates and aren’t outcome dependent) then you’d be fine with just saying “I don’t like this, my girls don’t act like this”

And she’d either be like “oh yeah, makes sense - I’m glad you showed strength like that rather than sitting passively aggressively hoping I’d do something” or she’ll be like “Oh no! You oppressor!” And she’d be a free agent and you’d pursue other girls.

In a RP LTR two things are needed. There are lots more but two are the key - genuine desire arousal and abundance.

If you lack abundance you can’t create desire and you end up like this worrying about how your girls gonna behave all the time.

So if I were you I’d either be cool with it and go increase SMV or just say you don’t like it, that’s you’re value and she’s free to leave.

Just1515 · 2019-03-21T10:36:41+00:00

Why? Let her cheat, it will be obvious.

Anyway this is your problem. You should be able to bet what kind of guy she is talking to fairly quickly if you do it right. When she brings them up, or when relevant you direct the conversation into a direction where she can bring them up herself. Then you can fish for information. But make sure not to do it in a way that seems like jealousy or mate guarding in any form. It could take weeks to get a full picture but usually women disclose too much so you will get it fairly fast.

From there you can use ur brain. Maybe the guy is just some beta orbiter. Thats fine and even useful. He can be both an emotional tampon, and also serves to make you look better by comparison. Sometimes these things work in your favour. Maybe they fucked in the past? Then be aware. But if she cheats then ur gone so whatever.

Maybe she uses him for stuff? Keep an eye on it.

Basically you should be the judge. Just talking is no reason to get all paniced, thats chump behaviour

civilizedfrog · 2019-03-21T14:10:41+00:00

Ultimatums is a move of weakness. Don't do that. If she wants to cheat on you, then she will. Nothing can stop that. What you can do is end the commitment when that happens.

Right now, you are an insecure little bitch about this whole thing. Men are not supposed to be insecure. Women smell that like bloodhounds and it turns them off. If you would have applied DREAD properly, she would have been the one posting her insecurities on reddit.

Carry on lifting and work on yourself. She needs to be the feeling the DREAD, not you.

Thotasaurus_Rex · 2019-03-21T11:49:35+00:00

You don't.

huggyblossom · 2019-03-21T12:01:06+00:00

You're the man and you should play her fantasy world like a puppet master.

The next time you get pissed drop a line or two that have a faked story about a guy/girl at work which had an LTR cheat on them with BF in social media and tell how stupid is in modern time that relationships end over such a fake relations.

Or as suggested make comments about other girls, act open with other girls and show her you have options.

For a LTR you want her hamster spinning in the attraction circle. If you fail to do it a LTR is just a waist of time, as you can get laid with other girls that will have fresh sexual bond with you with way lesser difficulties.

Aptote · 2019-03-21T19:05:34+00:00

boundaries are a thing, set some, you are the boss of the relationship

allowing this behavior to continue amounts to implicit consent on your part, thus she hasn't broken the mutually agreed upon rules.

definitely discuss this with her and let her know it's unacceptable to you.

once she knows the rules and still continues, then you have your answer

IncelTearsIsLowIQ · 2019-03-21T08:56:28+00:00

first of all, and this is going to be brutal as fuck, it’s only mate guarding if you’re not very attractive to her. girls want the best they can get. there’s no settling for them. there’s compromising but no settling. men settle.

women want to feel wanted. they want to feel the sense of someone WANTS them. if you’re extremely high SMV to her, she will want you to want her and care about her. you’re in a relationship bro. you’re with another person and this person wants to feel wanted. she wants your attention. stop trying to live your life by these die hard TRP commandments. just understand the core messages and put them into your life and move on.

i was just like you a few months ago. i thought all these terms were black and white but they aren’t. it’s mate guarding if you’re some average looking chump she kinda finds cute and she loves how you’re really funny. it’s not mate guarding if you’re fucking hot and she yearns for you. women have an inferior complex. they want to feel connected and wanted by something better and bigger than them. if you’re at better and bigger thing, she will be attached to you and she will love it how this attractive and hot guy loves little, old her! bang, she feels better about herself because someone so hot loves her.

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2019-03-21T13:35:48+00:00

I just let my gf know from the beginning that men and women aren’t friends. I said I understand you need to talk to men for work and/or school but keep it strictly business. She understands that if she does something I don’t like- I’m not gonna yell at her, I’m not gonna beat her ass. I’m just gonna leave her.

AuberyBitoni · 2019-03-21T14:20:17+00:00

This is why I only date girls who don't have social media.

[deleted] · 2019-03-21T17:39:40+00:00

Avoid issuing an ultimatum. Don't do the, "Do X, or I'll do Y," kind of thing.

Instead, handle it like this: "Listen, I'm not going to be with someone who is okay with guys hitting on her like John Doe does to you on Instabook without setting them straight. That's not the kind of relationship I plan on being in."

And then you just leave it at that. If she gives you any lip about it, don't DEER. Don't negotiate. Don't try to talk her into it. Don't have an argument. Don't reason with her. You do not need to justify your preference on this. Just tell her something like, "You do what you feel, but I'm letting you know what the deal is." Broken record.

In the future, if it happens again without her handling it appropriately, then you break up with her, let her take her shit and get out of your life. You cut contact with her afterwards, and if anyone asks why you broke up with her, you tell them that the two of you weren't compatible and just keep it moving. Don't air dirty laundry.

If you break up with her, and she wants to go around telling people that you were some insecure, jealous, controlling whatever, then that's fine. It'll just make girls want your dick more, and it'll just make white knights get their armor dirty rushing to tell her how empowered she is because she got broken up with for being a shitty girlfriend.

RedLegendx · 2019-03-21T09:58:35+00:00

Ah, good ol’ social media, hypergamy and relationships.

You really can’t do anything about this, it’s a lose-lose situation. You could bring it up casually and see how she reacts to you bringing it up and go from there.

Bedtimeshine · 2019-03-21T12:05:32+00:00

Withdrawing and investing elsewhere will help you.

smolzino · 2019-03-21T12:27:53+00:00

I mean, what is the nature of their relationship?

What do they talk about? Do they ever hang out together or with other people? Are they close? Are they just acquaintances?

HurricaneHugues · 2019-03-21T19:02:44+00:00

You can't change her. She shouod do better as an LTR. She's just not LTR material. Don't commit to these types of chicks.

Casd12 · 2019-03-21T19:28:47+00:00

Don't like it? next her

SexySmexxy · 2019-03-21T19:36:20+00:00

To repeat what everyone else has said here, it's all about the power dynamic.

If you aren't actually willing to walk away then she knows she can do what she wants and you'll keep forgiving her. If she knew for a fact if she got caught sending him xxx's or "flirting" back on social media that you'd dump her ass, then she wouldn't do it.

Scott1001TV · 2019-03-21T20:55:39+00:00

Update: she apologized, idk if this is bad or good at this point.

tothetopbaby1 · 2019-03-21T21:29:46+00:00

I wouldn’t tell her because she’ll start using that shit to fuck with you.

Stop trying to control this bitch, she’s not yours, she’s not your possession. It’s just your turn to fuck this bitch. Enjoy

Live and let live.

sandal_on · 2019-03-22T01:31:55+00:00

It is always much easier to start a good relationship than repair a weak one.

When I want a girl to not do something specific, I say "A good girl doesn't do x" in lighthearted but serious way.

This could go two ways.

She views you as alpha and stops in order to please you.
She views you as beta and gets angry thinking "how dare this weak man dare to put boundaries on me" since she views herself as superior to you.

If you are on number 2, the sidebar is your solution in order to increase your attractiveness. Either she will feel worried that she might lose you, and drop the bullshit. Or she begins to send a barrage of shit tests to see if you are fake or real, which can feel exhausting while other girls do it a little, which can make you feel that you want to drop her and pursue other girls.

mrdbt · 2019-03-22T01:34:23+00:00

this had gone on too long sounds like shes not in a relationship or she would have ignored him after telling him about you time to kick rocks and find someone who doesnt have to be told about boundaries good luck

Yougotredonyouagain · 2019-03-21T11:03:18+00:00

Stop being an insecure jealous pussy.

sadshark · 2019-03-21T09:41:50+00:00

Depends on your position in the relationship. But, let's assume you have a relationship where she's into you and she's happy with you.

Then, all you do is, tell her "hey, stop talking to this dude".

That's it. No explanations, no feelings, no excuses.

If she doesnt comply, it's obvious she values chatting with that dude more than she values you. Then simply move on and start looking for someone else.

Kommanderdude · 2019-03-21T17:48:42+00:00

Claims to not have a scarcity mindset. Is butt hurt about ltr getting flirty messages from some chode on social media. Comes to trp to hamster it.

Blazerman_24 · 2019-03-21T18:34:58+00:00

I'd be like;

"Look, I've noticed this guy hitting on you on multiple occasions. As my gf,I expect you to shut shit like that down immediately but you haven't. Either YOU stop entertaining that shit or you can be single"

Leave it at that. Don't mention you're feelings, don't tell her you're mad. Give her instruction and if she doesn't listen, "bye".

You have to be willing to leave in situations like this.

Title	How do I make my LTR stop talking to a specific guy friend?
Author	Scott1001TV
Upvotes	11
Comments	73
Date	March 21, 2019 8:39 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b3o49e/how_do_i_make_my_ltr_stop_talking_to_a_specific/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-make-my-ltr-stop-talking-to-a-specific.222772 https://theredarchive.com/post/222772

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