How do I man the f*** up?

wantonton · 2017-02-22T17:07:05+00:00

You're still stuck in a scarcity mindset and experiencing an alternative sort of oneities.

You say you've been seeing this girl for months. What about the other girls you've been seeing during that time? Oh, there are no other girls? That's why you're still in a scarcity mindset. This girl is the only one you "have."

That leads to the alternative form of oneitis. She may not be your dream girl, but she's the girl you've pinned all your hopes for escaping your incel life on. She's your only hope because you've neglected all other possibilities. In your mind everything will change if she'll just fuck you, but truth is, she'll really only fuck you once you've changed.

Abundance, abundance, abundance. It isn't about pursuing the easiest but about pursuing the most.

And last tip, don't fuck this girl, at least not until you've gone out with a dozen other girls. Why? Because if you fuck her now, you'll latch on, make her your whole world and you'll happily remain her bitch slave either until you die or until she literally has to beat you off of her with the dicks of her Chads.

practice-trp · 2017-02-22T17:08:01+00:00

I met a girl who likes me for me.

No. She likes you for how you make her feel. When you stop making her feel the tingles - she will begin to drift away.

I had told her about my virginity and it was like the weight of the world came off my shoulders.

I hope you didn't cry. Did you cry? If you cried don't do it again. Try to avoid discussing your fears and failures. A woman can be a great person to discuss these things - but while doing it she will be in "mother" mode. That will lower how see sees you as a man that will be her rock.

Validation in terms of being happy, knowing that someone cares about you.

Never, never, never base your happiness on having a relationship. Never use someone to make you happy. It's not a recipe for becoming independent, for becoming a man. You can share your happiness with others, but never allow your happiness to be dependent upon the whims of another person.

How do I man the fuck up?

From what you described it's not as simple as just "be a man". That's like telling a depressed person to "just snap out of it". Shit don't work that way.

Take up manly hobbies. This will give you something to do other than worry and potentially develop oneitis.

A few hobby suggestions:

buy a Jeep and join the jeep clubs. You will be around men (and women), doing outdoor things. It's fun.
Begin woodworking and get active in online forums and local shops/shows.
Fishing
Kayaking
Join a shooting club. These are generally good groups. You can often find shotgun clubs within city limits.
Leatherworking
Archery
Paintball
Martial arts
Learn how to play the guitar

These activities will help surround you with men doing manly things. Some of these work together and will open up different social avenues that could help your confidence. Like, owning a jeep is a natural transition to kayaking and fishing. Shooting clubs are natural entry points to being invited to someones BBQ, etc...

I am going to make some additional suggestions - not in order of importance. I am not a professional counselor.

Get into counseling. Visit counselors until you find a good one and start talking to a professional.
Don't date. You don't sound like you're ready to date and I can see you falling for and giving up your soul for the first girl that fucks you can smiles in the morning. That will fail long-term.
Don't put a vagina on a pedestal. It sounds like you're ready to worship the vag - don't.
Study Outcome Independence.
Meditate.

CommanderCumlord · 2017-02-22T18:02:10+00:00

You need to start practicing meditation. Make sure your diet is proper and you're doing proper exercises. Stop watching porn and masturbate once a week.

You have oneitis for this girl. Stop. You're treating her like a special fairy when she wants to get bent over and fucked. Now she's playing caretaker and you're a fucking wimp.

Go see a therapist and work through some of this. The investment is worth your happiness. Read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' if you haven't.

ReddJive · 2017-02-22T17:24:09+00:00

How do I man the fuck up?

It's as simple, and as complicated, as flipping a switch.

But here's the secret. Not every guy is wired the same. Not every guy goes around with erections the size of oak trees.

You're making a big deal out of it and it's messing with your head. Literally and figuratively .
Sometimes it's not in the cards, BUT the question is did you take care of your girl? Own her. Maybe you can't get it up...maybe you need to find a way to tap into your inner animal. getting self actualized isn't as easy as people make it out to be. Once you do though you'll wonder why you made a big deal of it.

If the soldier ain't saluting at the moment then you have other tools at your disposal. Use them. Own that pussy, ass,....whatever.

You man up by dominating whatever you are doing and fuck the consequences. You push on despite the adversity, despite everything else.

Most guys here are going to tell you that getting her off and not you is a fail. Fuck that noise. Dominate her, dominate your world.

You are in it to win it.

eccentricrealist · 2017-02-22T19:59:56+00:00

I think others have given better advice, but don't be so insecure. I know it's easier said than done, but really, nobody starts as a god and those who do are still deeply flawed. We're all here to help each other as long as you're genuinely looking for improvement and working at it.

lietruth · 2017-02-22T16:42:37+00:00

You've got this block in your head that's stopping you from expressing your masculine instincts.

Not sure if that's because of shame, anxiety, or confidence problems (could be all 3).

I was you before. A few years ago I was the ~~man~~ boy who used to apologize to the clerk for her giving me the wrong change. This is no simple issue. It takes months of breaking out of your shell. Realizing that you are a man. And a man is the best thing you can be on this planet.

Elliot Hulse on YouTube has a lot of great content on this topic.

Trust in your instincts and don't overthink this. Embrace your masculinity. PM me if you want to go more in depth.

dRePe_Thill · 2017-02-22T16:44:26+00:00

"I read and read and read for months on end the knowledge you guys had to offer."

You have read but not learned anything, who gives a fuck what she thinks and your weakness is an insecurity that she will sense and thus leave you for.

You are making this im a virgin and sex with her a big issue and its probably giving you anxiety, go workout or do something to take your mind off it.

I get the impression this is a troll post

Title	How do I man the f*** up?
Author	AfterLifeComesMeth
Upvotes	1
Comments	22
Date	February 22, 2017 4:32 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5vjnsw/how_do_i_man_the_f_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-man-the-f-up.83048 https://theredarchive.com/post/83048

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