How do I stop feeling guilty for being selfish?

FireDrillem · 2018-12-01T15:33:10+00:00

Go sit in on some divorce court hearings. Find the “down on my luck” bums in your city and listen to their “nice guy” stories. Look at every fuck face people pleaser that still works at Radio Shack. Next, look at the champions and winners.

You can always be charitable on your own terms. In the meantime get your grind on and earn YOUR keep.

Big_Red_suppository · 2018-12-01T15:54:58+00:00

Put on your oxygen mask before assisting other passengers. I prioritize my health, career, financial stability, hobbies and my own happiness above making other people happy and guess what, everyone around me is more happy.

This is not selfish at all. If someone is your priority you arent theres. Unless you're doing shit like getting drunk and skipping someone's birthday party because it makes you more "happy" there is no reason to feel guilty.

Caper67 · 2018-12-01T14:43:52+00:00

That will come with time. Keep improving and keep putting things that serve your highest self first.

Feedback loops that you've maintained for most of your life don't evaporate over night. Just keep doing you and know that whatever guilt you still may feel isn't objective but rather the evaporation of your blue pilled self.

izotonias · 2018-12-01T18:44:13+00:00

A big part of it is balance. A lot of people struggle by giving to much or taking to much. That’s why it’s easy to see people that are selfish or too nice.

Give when it’s earned and deserved.

Take when you feel you need it or you’ve earned it.

The trick is seeing it and registering what is taking and what is giving for yourself.

Practice.

Good luck bro.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2018-12-01T19:10:50+00:00

stop letting people manipulate you into feeling guilty.

soooo typical. A huge benefit TRP offers.

Read this. seriously, read it twice in a row.

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty

And then, after that, and after you've read the sidbar, then come back here.

Nov51605 · 2018-12-01T17:51:45+00:00

man, the good news is that you are on the first step and not in denial ! Very important !
IT's time and work, and discipline. I just recently am getting into stoicism - check it out !

Terminal-Psychosis · 2018-12-01T18:56:04+00:00

When I say no, I feel Guilty

Read this a couple times.

Velebit · 2018-12-01T21:19:38+00:00

No. You haven't learned it. It's a trait called agreeable and it's also not a bad trait to have. It is highly heritable and it usually means you have a nurturing nature and tend to steelman the position of others and to consider what their interest are, often forgetting your own interests.

Don't buy into the cookie cutter one size fits all narrative about badboys slaying pussy aways everywhere and loving the good life.

It just means that you have to find another stratategy. Being confident and unapologetically altruistic (think pc principal from south park) along with having a reasonable status will attract you a partner you will feel comfortable with.

Use your traits to your advantage. Think about volunteering for causes like helping children like big brother or mentorship programmes, red cross, blood donation, animal shelters and helping in soup kitchens.

Those activities are filled with idealistic young women who are heavy on trait agreeable and other traits that makes them positioned to be opposite of narcissistic and selfserving hoes that spend their free time bimboing themselves up in nail saloons and night clubs, also a disagreeable woman will see you as silly and weak (think how those right wing women see leftist men) while these women are even more agreeable then you so you are by default in a safe zone trait wise.

The woman who gets attracted to a bearded biker who sells drugs is not the same woman who gets attracted to altruistic heroes.

You just have to be alpha in another setting with another purpose. Women find that sexy.

Google the article 'Men with these personality traits have the most sex study' from Mirror and read to end to find do you have combinations scientifically proven to lead to lots of sex.

chumjetze · 2018-12-02T13:31:15+00:00

Nice Guy = Probably the most selfish persons on the planet.

Most answers here not bad per se, but still in the wrong frame.

The reasons why you are a nice guy are selfish: You need approval and acceptance for your low self-esteem. Which is selfish.

So the question is not unselfish or selfish, the questions is which type of selfishness.
A) Nice Guy - You are selfish because your self-esteem is s*** and you need other people for approval, acceptance and thereby depend on them trying to diminish your low self esteem.
B) Achiever - You are selfish about your goals (financial, relational, physical, spiritual, etc.) and get satisfaction and self-esteem from striving towards and achieving those goals.

StudyHacks · 2018-12-01T15:42:56+00:00

FYI the vast majority of females are selfish, so it's not like you'd be the only asshole (no offense) in such a situation. Selfishness is part of their nature, and no I'm not a misogynist. Just look up stories on how guys gave them 100 USD rings for their birthday and they only got a box of chocolate, lol.

TheRedPillMonkey · 2018-12-01T19:01:20+00:00

Nobody will care about you as much as yourself.

So if you care more about others, then there is no one to care about you.

Everyone else cares about themself more than you. Why do you care more about them than the you too?

Everyone else thinks more of themself than they do you. Do they seem like the bad people you're worried about being?

Terdmuffin · 2018-12-01T19:08:57+00:00

You have to look out for yourself because no one else will.

BurnieSlander · 2018-12-01T19:40:19+00:00

You realize that you can’t truly be worth a shit to anyone else unless you know how to take care of your own shit first.

Putting others first when you don’t know yourself or how to handle life is just martyrdom. You’ll end up resenting others because “you did sooo much for them” but got nothing in return. You’ll use up all your resources “helping” others who never asked for your help.

Stop calling it selfishness. There’s nothing selfish about taking care of yourself.

ElektroShokk · 2018-12-01T23:39:43+00:00

I'm gonna be a billionaire and have to step over some people along the way, but they'll end up just fine. My end goal is to make so much money i can fund /start a research facility to cure a disease I know is around the corner for me. I have to be selfish. Or I'll probably die.

AshyLarry27 · 2018-12-02T02:06:55+00:00

Take a look at the results of every sucker nice guy that gets walked on by the winners of the world. Your subconscious has been so hard wired with positive affirmation from doing nice things. The problem is we live in a cold and harsh world whether you like it or not. People WILL take advantage of you if you keep it up. It may take getting screwed over real bad before you learn.

good-look · 2018-12-02T06:45:46+00:00

that comes with life experience tbh. you learn ppl aren’t shit and you learn to put yourself first because that’s what everybody else is doing.

LOLCanadianNeighbor · 2018-12-01T18:39:38+00:00

You may be feeling guilt because being nice to others and doing things for them gave you a good feeling inside. Now when you don’t do that, you get a bad feeling currently.

Given that, you may have an idea in your head that other people can’t survive without you helping them. This may be due to you mentally putting yourself in their place as you imagine it in your head, and feeling what you imagine they may feel like if you don’t help them or they’re stuck somewhere or with something.

I say that because I was the same way as described. What I realized is that whatever I was feeling was only what I thought they were feeling. It felt real, but that’s what made me blind to it.

Realize that everyone else in life is putting themselves first before others, which makes being a nice person (looking out for others first) a black hole if you’re not careful. Also remember that if you have a feeling, it doesn’t make what you’re feeling reality. Even if you have knowledge, It takes time to change the feelings that you have. Wait for situations where someone really could help themselves, apply what you know about being able to say “no” and if you feel guilty, remind yourself of what has been said above, or whatever else helps you if what I said is incorrect. At first for me it was painful to say no and be ok with it. You may also want to look into the book named “Boundaries”. You shouldn’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm, and you shouldn’t feel bad for not burning yourself to help others.

drqxx · 2018-12-01T15:03:50+00:00

Build yourself build your family build your tribe in that order.

if you just do that you will see the guilt will go away.

I also recommend the book no more mr. Nice guy.

Title	How do I stop feeling guilty for being selfish?
Author	Ridge88
Upvotes	43
Comments	20
Date	December 1, 2018 2:34 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a23gwk/how_do_i_stop_feeling_guilty_for_being_selfish/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stop-feeling-guilty-for-being-selfish.69461 https://theredarchive.com/post/69461

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