How do I stop wanting to be “liked”?

Ohboohoolittlegirl · 2019-05-08T15:19:41+00:00

It ain't much, but it changed my way of life. Instead of expecting people to not like you by default, try to expect that people will like you by default. This is what makes some people so easy going, cause they expect others to like them... And if they don't, so what. You don't like everyone, not everyone needs to like you either. Show proper respect and you'll get it in return most of the time, even if they don't like you.

TigerTamingSword · 2019-05-08T15:51:32+00:00

I had a similar issue to what you're describing. One of the most important realizations that helped me fight this need to be liked was recognizing that you need to seek, as Bruce Lee said, an honest express of who you really are. In order to do this, I tried "not caring", but this is like telling you to not think of a pink elephant - boom, there it is in your mind's eye. By telling myself to not care, I was still concerned with how I felt in relation to the way other people received my actions and words. The trick here was to reframe this perspective by simply expressing myself honestly without seeking any particular reaction from anybody, whether positive or not. Not only you have no control over what others will think, but when you attempt to say or do something in order to get a positive reaction (i.e., being socially accepted), it makes you tense and worried, hence why you speak so quietly in class, for example. It's plainly visible through your voice and body language and people will be able to tell something is off. As an exercise, when talking to someone, say what you want to say without paying too much attention to their facial expressions or general reaction. Say what you want to say or do what you want to do simply because you want to do these things, not because you want to avoid rejection or gain approval - this is a form of Covert Contract, and as such, will leave you frustrated.

johnvu3562 · 2019-05-08T16:13:13+00:00

Wanting to be liked by everyone is a game you will not win. In life no matter what, there will always be someone that hates you and sometimes they might hate you for no reason but there will be people who like you, just keep that in mind.

zxcvb7809 · 2019-05-08T16:35:52+00:00

Internally acknowledge when you are trying to get people to like you, then disregard that mental notification. Do it enough and it becomes automatic.

[deleted] · 2019-05-08T14:37:25+00:00

I used to be like you op. My problem is deeply rooted though. Growing up I never got love from my Mother so I sought validation from other people. Especially women and it made me very depressed. I got over it by setting goals and achieving them. For example save up £50,000 in 3 years or getting ripped. It helped build my confidence and I loved myself more and gave 0 fucks about other people’s validation. Pm me if you want more advice.

lexileone · 2019-05-08T16:42:07+00:00

just stop judging others or decrease the amount you do it.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-05-09T01:13:30+00:00

Youngest child syndrome.

epicfadeout · 2019-05-09T06:11:00+00:00

Once you actually start liking yourself more, and believe that you're the shit, you'll naturally care less about what any other person thinks about you (self-validation), and this in turn leads to ALL kinds of people liking you more.

Most people don't operate this way, and so when a person comes along who truly doesn't care what others think, and projects this through their words and body language, it's a real novelty for others to witness. It's refreshing. Most ppl deep down want to act and behave this way, but are constantly filtering/checking themselves because they care so much about how others will receive them.

Title	How do I stop wanting to be “liked”?
Author	polarizingpotato
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	May 8, 2019 2:20 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bm5uf5/how_do_i_stop_wanting_to_be_liked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stop-wanting-to-be-liked.237566 https://theredarchive.com/post/237566

Comments