How do you come to terms with the lightswitch effect?

thrwy75479 · 2019-12-16T15:39:51+00:00

It's a lightswitch to people who don't have RP awareness.

If you're woke, you'll see signs that she's no longer invested in the relationship: despondence, passive aggressiveness, disobedience, combativeness, criticism, disrespect, contempt.

It starts with subtlety, and that's why it's hard to see because, at least in a committed relationship, you may be seeing things through rose-coloured glasses. Then, you're finally hit with the breakup, which is explicit, and why it feels like she flipped a switch.

Normal people don't do instant 180s. It's a culmination of events. To prevent things from going too far, you have to be paying attention to her behaviour, and the relationship.

Psychological_Radish · 2019-12-16T16:05:31+00:00

Recently "broke up" with a FWB that I had dated for over a year. Even though we weren't exclusive (at least on my end), she was basically my girlfriend. She took it pretty hard. The light switch effect is a bit different when she sees you as Alpha. All of a sudden I was the world's biggest asshole, I was " fucking ugly," she was posting pics of our private conversations on social media, she was posting all about her new Beta boyfriend that she picked up a month after we ended (for my benefit, I'm sure).

Old me would have flown into a rage about her posting our texts on Instagram. Clearly that was a major breach of privacy and I think I had a right to be angry. I typed out a withering text message to her....but I never sent it. I realized that she's just a little girl throwing a temper tantrum. I do believe that she really loved me and I can understand why she was feeling angry and heartbroken that she couldn't secure my commitment.

Don't disgrace yourself by getting into a pointless breakup argument with a chick. It's unbecoming. With this particular girl, even though things ended a little badly, I still have fond memories of our time together. We had a good thing, but it's over now. That's how I see it.

MVWeiss · 2019-12-16T21:44:44+00:00

🤔 she lost YOU. INTERNALIZE this and it's not a light switch ON it's her dumbass light switch OFF. She's getting older and more undesirable everyday, you as a man, are getting more desirable.

Life's a bitch to bitches.

McVaghunter · 2019-12-16T15:58:10+00:00

You come to terms with it by accepting that hypergamy is only natural and that higher SMV individuals are under no obligation to fuck lower SMV ones.

You deal with it by improving your SMV and becoming the prize with his herd of harem and unlimited options.

How do "YOU" blah blah blah?

No. I am the one who switches the lights off!

FlyingPigs3210 · 2019-12-16T17:09:17+00:00

Yeah I struggled with this. Had a 2.5 year LTR, broke up with her, then she immediately dates a beta orbiter and says she loves him. Never heard from her again. I still think about her often and it is tough to deal with, but I am also not the same person that I was when this happened. Just use the pain and anger to better yourself in every way i.e. hobbies, gym, gaming women.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-12-16T18:28:48+00:00

Eventually, you will be grateful for it.

legend503 · 2019-12-16T16:41:44+00:00

In the same boat brother. Keep going. Find your purpose.

muricanwerewolf1 · 2019-12-16T22:26:05+00:00

I diagnose you with oneitis. Up your value, stay on mission, learn to keep a steady flow of “possibles” possible dates, possible fucks, possible plates, possible LTR. Finding what you want in a woman is impossible without experience, and very unlikely without abundance.

lastdumra · 2019-12-17T04:09:13+00:00

Enjoy women for what they are. Stop expecting them to behave like you (a man) or other men would.

Specifically to your question, try to enjoy the moment with women.

Do not sacrifice too much from the moment for the future, do not build a lot of long term plans in your head with women and always assume and remind yourself this could always be the last day with her.

This is not to say go completely ham on her about only enjoying the moment, unless you want to for some reason of course. It is more of a internal mentality for you, to protect your mental health, that you don't need to share with her. It also helps you have a true "I don't give a fuck" attitude.

The way I see it, I leave a door open for things to get more serious, but I do not push it or promote it. If she wants it and I feel it, the door is there and she can push for it. Otherwise, I just enjoy the moment and always assume this could be the last day with her.

jojojijo333 · 2019-12-16T15:55:57+00:00

There's no such thing as the light switch effect. You are just a stock in the market.

drevil_ · 2019-12-17T04:05:42+00:00

it hurts so bad because you have someone validating you and then that person is gone. What you describe as a dagger to the heart is just a a major blow to your ego. You had a girl who made you feel desirable and instilled confidence in you and now that source of reassurance is gone. It definitely sucks it just takes time and finding someone of equal quality who is into you. You said yourself the 2 you’ve been with are of lesser quality. If you had a quality woman you would feel better. And you will someday soon if you keep trying to find her.

MattyAnon · 2019-12-16T17:42:22+00:00

How do you come to terms with the lightswitch effect even when you know it exists?

Accept that it exists first of all, and live your life and plan your relationships accordingly.

Find other better women - crazies and uglies aren't ideal.

Don't over invest in one woman.

Lateralanouncer · 2019-12-16T22:03:13+00:00

While in a ltr. I work hard on myself. Gym. Hobby’s. Business. I’m also aware that I am the catch not her. (Having a woman no longer means anything as pussy is dime a dozen, free to good home, 3 drinks at a bar) If she is not adding to my life bye. If I’m not adding to hers she is free to leave.

319Skew · 2019-12-17T00:49:41+00:00

You existed before her and will exist after. All emotions to her are because you choose to indulge in them. She never loved you the way you thought she did. Your not your ego. Pick any of those facts and interliaze it.

It helps but sometime shit stings because it's fresh. Allow yourself to hurt for a bit then move forward.

adsly · 2019-12-16T15:54:09+00:00

She's not yours, it's just your turn

casemodz · 2019-12-16T22:49:56+00:00

In a similar situation. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess

Title	How do you come to terms with the lightswitch effect?
Author	flyingcharge
Upvotes	25
Comments	35
Date	December 16, 2019 3:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ebghbx/how_do_you_come_to_terms_with_the_lightswitch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-come-to-terms-with-the-lightswitch.300652 https://theredarchive.com/post/300652

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