So I'm a newbie here but having read a lot of the sidebar material, I think it's fair to say I'm starting to swallow the red pill. It's weird though, since even though I feel like TRP could be the means by which I sort out quite a lot of shit, I still have some worries as to whether I can really change (which I'll come to). Guess I just want to see if anyone has been in a similar position who might be able to give me a steer.

Basically, I'm almost 27 and my life feels a bit of a waste in some respects. I have a great family and plenty of friends but:

a) I had some birth defects (namely a cleft lip and hemifacial microsomia - you can look it up but basically one side of my face didn't develop properly in places). Surgery has done a lot to remedy this, but that was carried out over the course of my life so far and the last surgery I would have had would have been when I was 22. For most of my adolescence, therefore, I was one ugly kid.

b) Because of the birth defects (and how slowly they were rectified) my enduring memories of my childhood involve people treating me differently, usually not in a nice way, because of how I looked. My teenage years weren't much better - I had friends and was actually considered funny but (would you believe it?) I couldn't seem to get laid to save my life in the way my friends did. I have always held the belief that there is actually no-body as shallow as a teenage girl and the reactions I got at times ranged from the classic "I like you as a friend" to abject disgust that I would even try.

c) If ever I dared to speak to anyone about how I felt the way I looked affected how I was with girls, I was only ever told something along the lines of "It'll change as you get older" or "Just be yourself and your time will come". I realised some time ago that this is the worst advice you could ever give to a kid in my position.

All of the above basically fucked with my head in a massive way, to the point where I developed zero confidence around girls. Perhaps subconsciously, I figured that nobody could ever be interested in this scrawny deformed kid, and so why bother even trying? Better to wait for things to magically change as I'd been advised.

Looking back, this was so stupid - just expecting girls to realise that I was some great guy and come and sleep with me out of the goodness of their hearts! Could never figure out why consistently being nice and polite never seemed to work for me....

To be clear, it's not all bad!:

a) I have great friends (from where I grew up, from university, from work etc), who mean a lot to me; b) I've got a fantastic family who were only ever supportive (shitty advice with girls aside); c) I got a good law degree at a good university and will actually be a qualified solicitor (i.e. British lawyer) in September, still in training at the moment; and d) ever since my teenage years, people have told me I'm funny and witty (if that doesn't sound really arrogant) including women. I'm not even a virgin, I've had sex, but like once or twice - never been in an LTR.

Recently, I've even taken steps to change what I don't like about myself. I've started lifting properly (always used to kind of lift but on and off and never seriously), got shorter haircuts (used to wear my hear long to cover a deformed left ear), grew a beard (always wanted to anyway, and it covers the cleft lip scar), starting learning the banjo, started learning German again (I liked the language at school), started meditating using Headspace, even got on tinder (got some matches and two dates out of it so far). I've also bought, and started to read, the 48 Laws of Power.

The thing is, despite the stuff that's good about my life and what I'm doing to improve myself, I still have two major concerns:

a) that because of the way I look, and the mental damage caused by it in my formative years, I am ultimately doomed and the possibility of me ever "plating" anyone or having any decent relationships or sex life is unlikely; and

b) that, being almost 27 years old now, I've lost too much time and so I'll never "catch up" and get to "play the field" (sorry if that's a cliche) since everyone my age will soon be in a rush to settle down.

Sorry if the above all seems a bit self-pitying, I just worry sometimes and it would be great to get the perspective of anyone who was in a similar position and turned it around....

Cheers