"How often do you masturbate?"

SarsaparillaCorona · 2016-01-18T14:17:10+00:00

They want to know how often you have sex. Someone who masturbates often is someone who does not have any sexual options, or alternatively does not plan on having any in the near future, whereas someone who never masturbates is likely to be someone (or assumed to be someone) who has sex often, maybe with multiple options.

I answer this question with "Less than you do."

AFPJ · 2016-01-18T15:58:53+00:00

TL;DR don't take it seriously, but if they keep being annoying make sure they know they're being a cunt

Redirect with humor or by asking them something equally as stupid. Fist offense - A & A or other absurd but comical response. Second offense: a gracefully escapable "woah, personal boundaries for 1000 pls" in an amused trivia-esque tone. Third offense, "That's extremely unattractive" followed by a blank, emotionless stare - likely end the date here.

OMGTRIGGERED · 2016-01-18T15:54:28+00:00

"Twice a day, just before each date."

poochman · 2016-01-18T20:01:05+00:00

"Never. Don't need to."

rurpe · 2016-01-18T15:54:53+00:00

It's a shit test. They want to know if you are alpha or not. You can use the techniques you learned reading the sidebar to bust all shit tests:

Agree and Amplify: Only four times today

Disagree and Amplify: I've never masturbated because touching myself is a sin

RPAlternate42 · 2016-01-19T00:19:53+00:00

"Twice a day, before noon, whether I need to or not. Three times a day if I shower."

If she says (and she will): "really?"

Just look at her like she's lost her fucking mind.

Remember, amused mastery; everything she says or does is as if a pre-teen child were asking you. Anyone who has spent time with pre-teen and young teens, especially girls, knows that they are gullible as shit.

reserved1012 · 2016-01-18T16:54:20+00:00

I always allude to not masturbating much.

I already don't very often but I exaggerate how often I I don't and move on.

I genuinely think she's curious as male sexuality and shit. I would subtly tell her how you aren't like other guys while insinuating you aren't an incel that can't get laid by saying Rarely.

f187 · 2016-01-18T23:30:13+00:00

OP is probably hanging out with middle schoolers if he is being asked dumb questions like these.

fallout2299 · 2016-01-19T05:02:22+00:00

Mostly just say "Not much at all really, never feel like it". Obviously lying through teeth but eh, whatever.

MattyAnon · 2016-01-18T17:25:20+00:00

hmmm... bit of a double edged sword. You don't want to come across as a horny sexless masturbator, but you don't want to appear asexual either.

Agree and Amplify is your best friend here....

"How often do you masturbate?" / "night and day, constantly... in fact if I look at your pretty face any longer I'm going to have to either go to the bathroom or rub one out over you.... why, how often do you?"

94redstealth · 2016-01-18T18:19:13+00:00

"If I won't be having any sex within an hour I masturbate. So on average about 8 times a day"

Of course this will only be a decent response for a witty woman. But it implies you are getting laid 16 times a day which is complete bullshit. Both the number of times you get laid and masturbate are absurd enough to avoid further probing and turn the topic into a light hearted joke.

binrobinro · 2016-01-18T20:21:21+00:00

Once.

Once when I woke up today, once on the way here to pick you up, once when you went to get your coat, once when you went to the restroom in the restaurant, once when I went to the restroom in the restaurant, and once while waiting for our dessert to arrive.

You?

Title	"How often do you masturbate?"
Author	gweilo_waygook_guiri
Upvotes	16
Comments	28
Date	January 18, 2016 2:09 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/41j2p5/how_often_do_you_masturbate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-often-do-you-masturbate.159480 https://theredarchive.com/post/159480

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