(posting here as I have no permissions to post on the main sub)

I had difficulties in recent times to tell the difference between a validation flirt (she is there giving IOIs just to get attention) and an actual flirt.

======= example =======

A few weeks ago I spent a whole saturday night on a set because a girl (around 26yo, short but perfect body) not only gave me long and repeated eye contact, but also - after I approached - she kept giving signals and leading me on. After a while I isolated her, she came with me for a walk around the garden of the club. When I tried to escalate she refused contact and started to shit test about another guy she is going out with. I realized from her body language she was actually enjoying my attention but there was no way she was actually interested in me. Every sentence she said was pure solipsism: I was not there as a person, I was just a mirror for her beauty.

I realized her manipulation too late, but as soon as I got the point I just stood up and said "ok. Let's go back". She was disappointed and started following me around, at a point asking me "Did you resent me not kissing you?" and it was again to get validation, I could feel her vampire needyness again. I replied "I know you would like that". That made her shut up with a face of doubt while she walked after me to our other acquaintances.

===== end example =======

I asked help to a female friend of mine, on how to tell the difference between a validation flirt and an actual one before throwing away so much time. I know women give bad advice but this girl I actually trust. And it was worth it, she gave me two points (I'm translating in TRP slang) :

1 - a girl actually interested will give sign of anxiety and self consciousness along classical IOIs, because she wants to make a good impression and doubts herself. She is going to present herself at her best, but with the doubt of truly having an effect on you.

But what about a self confident women? She would be way more able to control anxiety than a less confident one.

2 - she will be flirty only with you. In retrospect I remember all the girls that were there for validation being too flirty all around, not only with me.

This is helping me a lot to call out validation seeking. When I see the signals of an attention whore, I just walk away, or give attention to one of her friends, or neg her for the fun.

Hope this helps you too ;)