I had a short lived affair with the devils avatar. She is a mentally and physically very attractive person but actually a pathological spark hunter. For every new, handsome young man she catches, she goes through the same program in 2-6 months: Making you fall in love, hot & cold games, until there she finally loses interest. I am not joking, I could start a self help group for her "victims" and we could book a whole gym hall. We all experienced the same dates at the same places with the same woman. Yes, she is that good. The female mentalist.

For a while she made me feel better than the hardest drugs. There are drugs that literally, physically overload your feelings of happiness to the limit. My time with her was better. I do now realise that my feelings were based on lots of wrong premises. It was all bullshit. I was in love with an image in my head, not with a real person. I finally got fed up with her sending me a tease message once a month and blocked her on all social media a few months ago. Zero contact. I really don't care how she does anymore.

The problem is, I can't recreate the "fake" happiness I felt with her. I compare every women to her. I want to touch every women the way she wanted to be touched. I am turned off if women don't want to be treated the way she wanted to be treated. I am turned off if women don't act like her. I throw perfectly good women away because they don't cause the same feelings in me she caused in me.

As I mentioned I am an occasional drug taker. Since I am very concerned about keeping a clear head for work I do them very rarely. I never understood how one can become addicted and become someone who takes cocaine every day. I think now I get it. For those addicts, the drugs must feel like she felt for me. Incidentally, since it's over between us I also don't enjoy drugs anymore.

How do I fix this? How do I stop comparing reality with that stupid image in my head?