How to Recognizing Shit-Tests? Noob Questions

feminazis_stalk_me · 2015-03-18T22:54:50+00:00

A shit test is anything that puts you on the defensive or forces you to react to her. This is her probing for weaknesses in your armor and trying to rattle your frame. Some shit tests can be subtle and wear you down over time, and some can be like a sledge hammer blow to the face. Included in this category are also "fit tests".

Shit tests are meant to rattle your frame and test your boundaries, much like an unruly child tests their parents - she's looking for you to be strong, hold frame and put her in her place when she acts out. Fit tests, however, are her way of seeking assurance that you're her rock, her protector and her solid fixed point of reference in life that she can rely on. Shit tests are her seeing what she can get away with - fit tests are her reassuring herself that you're a good Captain.

As you work on and improve yourself, her natural knee-jerk reaction is to think that you're going to leave her - because it's all about them, women think they are the center of the universe - she won't believe you're doing it for yourself - that just doesn't compute for her. So she will start to react, and she will do it by acting out and shit testing you to see how you react.

Handling shit tests:

Determine whether or not she has a legitimate argument, or if she's just acting out. Is her argument valid? Did you come home drunk and shit in the potted plants and pass out naked in the hallway? Or did you just walk into her being a huge ball of crazy?
If her argument is legitimate, calmly talk her through it and make assurances and tell her things will be alright. If she can't have a rational, calm conversation, then you tell her you will discuss it with her when she's not so emotional, and then you walk away and let her calm down. Come back, as promised, when she calms down.
NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN. Don't break frame and let her drag you into a fight - she's a kung-fu master and she will kick your ass every time, because she's a woman - she can disregard logic and warp reality to fit her mood. You're bound by logic and reality - she's bound to her feelings. You cannot win. Never raise your voice, remain calm, and politely decline any arguments she vomits up at you. Use key phrases that let her know you won't play her game: "I'm not going to argue about this. When you're calm, we can talk about it." - or - "I've said my piece. I'm done discussing this." - or - "I'm going out for a bit. I'll talk to you later." By refusing to participate in her petty arguments, you're forcing her to address the underlying issues with you and converse like an adult. You're not rewarding shitty behavior.

If you MUST address a shit test, you can use the following methods:

Agree and Amplify: This is where you agree with her, then one-up her ridiculousness with super-ridiculousness. The idea is to diffuse her with humor and downplay her point, so that she can hear how silly it sounds. Example - "You only want me for SEX lately!" - "That's not true! I also wanted Scarlett Johansson for sex, but that silly restraining means she's off the table!"
Deflect - Change the subject or disarm her by kissing her, tickling her or doing something else to take her mind off of the trivial matter that she's laid at your feet.
Pressure Flip - This is where you smoothly, easily and transparently answer her question, then flip it by asking her the SAME question. Example - "What are you going to do to try and fix this?" - "I'm going to be more mindful of what I say so that your feelings won't be hurt. What are YOU going to do to fix this?" Put her on the spot by answering and flipping the script on her.
Commanding Respect - This should be done when she knowingly crosses a line with you, or talks down to you in public and tries to shame you in front of others. Example - "Yea, I'm still trying to train my husband, King2387 to be a "real man"! Haha!" - Casually lean in and tell her "You and I are going to sit down and have a discussion about respect when we get home". And then you say nothing more about it until you get home - continue to enjoy your evening. You let her hamster run wild and do the work of breaking her down for you. When you get home, you simply tell her that she will not disrespect you in front of others and that you will not bring her out with you if she continues to disrespect you publicly.
Ignore - A lot of times, minor shit tests can be ignored or swatted aside, especially if she's just looking to get a reaction out of you or jab at you where she knows you're sensitive. If you must respond, do so with "I heard you. I'm just choosing to ignore it."
Nuclear - This is not recommended for a LTR - this is where you calmly and systematically dismantle them by telling them exactly what you think of them, their behavior and their current estimated value in your eyes. This can destroy a person if done in a calm, sincere manner where no fucks are given. Emergency use only.

EDIT: HOORAY! THANKS FOR THE GOLD!

8675309c · 2015-03-18T22:06:01+00:00

first, make a new reddit account and delete your old one. last thing you want is her snooping around and seeing you all up in the manosphere

second, sidebar sidebar sidebar

finally, don't push TRP too hard on her. these are changes that happen from the inside out. I recommend reading enough to internalize it until it bleeds out naturally. definitely don't start pushing, as they say "if you have to force it, it's probably shit"

a lot of married men make the mistake of moving from one extreme to the other

as for your direct question, I'd just drop a one-liner here and there, "hey, why aren't you wearing X?", or "I want you to wear X tonight while you cook X for us". I'd avoid any dramatic state-of-the-relationship statements

www777com · 2015-03-19T02:32:12+00:00

For me it's not "how do I spot a shit-test", but rather me constantly asking myself, how would a real person act in this situation? A real person who isn't influenced by anything outside but his own selfish reasons (within reason). For example, I as a real person, want to see my wife to wear something skimpy around the house. What would a real person do? Tell his wife to wear something skimpy around the house. Another example, I haven't hung out with my friends in awhile and we've made plans to do so. What would a real person do in this situation? He'd go hang out. When the wife gets upset because she's not comfortable about this, what should this person do? He should remember what a real person would do, go hang out. On a deep level, women understand when a man is real. It makes more sense to them than any logical you can say to justify your actions.

Title	How to Recognizing Shit-Tests? Noob Questions
Author	Kings2387
Upvotes	22
Comments	18
Date	March 18, 2015 9:04 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2zifsw/how_to_recognizing_shittests_noob_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-recognizing-shit-tests-noob-questions.147120 https://theredarchive.com/post/147120

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