Is there a complete guide to having conversation?

Ravenscar7 · 2019-01-20T14:28:46+00:00

The rule I use is to stop filtering. Stop thinking that everything you say is going to sound stupid. The smallest piece of information can start a huge conversation.

A good conversation starter is:

What do you for a living... Hmmm how did you get into that?? What do you enjoy the most about being a chef??

Governor_Humphries · 2019-01-20T16:17:03+00:00

Take more risks.

Conversation ≠ Small talk.

Small talk is terrible. No one likes it. It's just a social lubricant so that you don't have to acknowledge that you'd really rather not talk to your coworker on the elevator, but then they might think that you hate them, so you say, "How was your weekend?"

More than two minutes of that shit and people want to fake a heart attack to escape.

Good conversation comes from covering a topic that both people want to talk about. Since you don't really know what the other person wants to discuss (and they might not even know themselves), the only thing to do is to say something that you find interesting and go from there.

People don't do this because they're worried that the other person won't find what they have to say interesting. This is a trap. People don't find the superficial stuff interesting, either. By being afraid to fail, you are guaranteed to fail. Stop playing it safe and start playing for your own sense of fun.

Caper67 · 2019-01-20T18:18:01+00:00

How to win friends and influence people is a great read for this topic .

blr1998 · 2019-01-20T18:33:09+00:00

you would rather make other people feel excited through your conversation that by simply exciting yourself. people do like to be excited, so tell them made up stories. people can also sense (most of us are social beings) when you speak simply to impress. speak truth no matter what others might think. do not look outwards for validation, look inwards and only say what needs to come out of you. always say less than necessary

misterpoopycaca · 2019-01-20T19:34:34+00:00

It's not about what you say, it's about how you say it. You can say anything, but just put some life into it. Put your energy into, own every single word that comes out of your mouth. And think of it as gold too.

The fact that you're making conversation, small or not, puts you ahead of everybody else that's not taking action to get out of their own heads.

Watch RSD Tyler's videos on how to talk forever. Todd V also has a "how to never run out of things to say" video if you want a more technical explaination. But I prefer the state transference idea over techniques. Basically feel so good about life you want to share that feeling with others, and brighten their day a little bit.

Also stop judging yourself, you're only wasting mental willpower doing that.

BluePillEltonJohn · 2019-01-20T17:47:26+00:00

Honestly, go talk to people you actually find interesting

_the_shape_ · 2019-01-20T22:29:22+00:00

Keep your eyes peeled for people who are good at doing it in real life. Pay close attention to how they handle lulls in the conversation, how they toss questions, how they make observations, how they give compliments, how they take them etc. Reading about it is much more illuminating and helpful as a backdrop to the real thing, not as a manuscript to memorize and regurgitate in a horrifyingly cringey way.

The last thing you want to do is become some "perfect" albeit autistically robotic facsimile of the real deal, whispering under your breath shit like "ok, now tell them something positive...", "ok, now point to something interesting in your immedate surroundings and say 'hey, that's pretty cool, huh?'", "ok, wait 3.7 seconds, then ask if they're all up to date on their TPS report", so on, blah blah.

Startlivingfornow · 2019-01-20T20:25:41+00:00

Push pull baby, it’s all you need with anyone

DadOnDabs · 2019-01-20T20:46:07+00:00

No. Not in the sense that you are looking for it. There is no guide that will make you an expert in communication. The only thing that will get you the results you want is trial and error. Talk to as many people as possible and refine your social skills.

Anon241469 · 2019-01-21T01:02:44+00:00

Yes. The foundation of your relationship (and this, your conversation) is these three things: honesty, trust, respect. These require no guidance, I.e. you already know what it is to be honest, to trust, and to respect.

So, walk up to the hot chick and say, “Daaammnnn, look at your ass, it’s so hot! Babe I wanna spank you so bad.“

DarkRedLens · 2019-01-21T08:46:18+00:00

If you're looking for general conversation skills I recommend you read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. If you're looking for a man to women approach check out the Juggler Method. There's a pdf on google: The Juggler Method - Diary of a French PUA.

icecruzader · 2019-01-20T14:46:31+00:00

Yeah, read The Mystery Method. There's an audiobook on YouTube.

Title	Is there a complete guide to having conversation?
Author	Dr-HannibalLecter
Upvotes	16
Comments	16
Date	January 20, 2019 2:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ahxv4b/is_there_a_complete_guide_to_having_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-there-a-complete-guide-to-having-conversation.170746 https://theredarchive.com/post/170746

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