Nerves during cold approaching

satanic_hamster · 2020-12-06T13:30:55+00:00

I had the same problem when I was younger. Getting over it doesn't come easy, but as a general rule, don't try and plan out conversations in your head in advance. At all. The overwhelming majority of the time, it'll trip you up.

Instead, try and have a general idea of what you want to say. Feeling nervous or having anxiety is okay on the inside (it's normal and to be expected), as long as you don't let it show openly on your exterior. And mentally, don't approach women from the standpoint like you're after something, or you're trying to get sex from her, or you're desperate for a positive remark or approval from her. Approach her at the very least as equals and as someone she has something to stand losing if she doesn't oblige you. And if she doesn't, it's her loss.

It's a good idea to expand your social skills when you engage with people, and it'll make your interaction with women easier. I don't like people in general and am introverted, but there was a point where I began to go out a lot because being a shut in in general isn't a healthy thing. That never prevented me from having a lot of female friends or made me awkward, I just never really liked people and was always more into my own pursuits.

Also, consider exploring things you can read up on like this. It helps.

But never mentally write a script for what you're going to say to a chick. It doesn't help you.

"Everyone has a plan until they get hit." - Mike Tyson

Same principle above applies to social situations.

MrNeverDryDick · 2020-12-06T13:49:10+00:00

Your mindset is off from the jump. You have outcome dependence. You’re going in with the goal to “win.” Shift your mindset, shift your goal. Go in there to meet people, see if they’re interesting, see if they’re decent and warm people. Go in with genuine curiosity.

What may help to stop worrying about “winning” is to go into a few situations trying to “lose.” See what dumb shit you can come up with and watch their response. Make it entertaining for your own sole amusement. Sometimes I’ll approach what looks to be a really cold bitch JUST to see how she acts or what kind of stick is up her ass. Make it amusing for yourself.

atticusfinch1973 · 2020-12-06T13:51:33+00:00

My attitude is always that you have to learn to walk before you run. Jumping right into cold approaching girls when you aren't used to it is tough.

At the beginning, try to just strike up conversations with ANYONE. Guys, girls, walking around a mall and going into stores. Asking questions about things. Whatever you can do to feel more comfortable talking to strangers. Then once you feel warmed up you can hit approaching women.

OttoVonBismark71 · 2020-12-06T18:33:54+00:00

Amused mastery. You need to look at the interaction as an experience that you're doing for your own entertainment, as opposed to looking at it with any outcome desired. I've seen the most badass, ripped alpha men approach women and even they feel nervous, because approach anxiety is a natural element of intersex interaction. The only way past this is amused mastery and to view her more as a little kid or puppy or something non-threatening, as opposed to intersex.

_9teen · 2020-12-06T21:47:11+00:00

You do it again and again and again and again and again and again.

Then when you're done, you do it again and again and again and again and again and again.

3dasak · 2020-12-07T02:52:54+00:00

Any chance you have SA?

Spirited-Foot · 2020-12-08T02:45:18+00:00

Remember that you’re going to die and be in the ground in a few short decades. Maybe less.

Title	Nerves during cold approaching
Author	RealEstateGod1997
Upvotes	8
Comments	9
Date	December 6, 2020 12:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/k7tapk/nerves_during_cold_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/nerves-during-cold-approaching.629531 https://theredarchive.com/post/629531

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