Self-deprecating humor

nu121x · 2019-02-17T21:51:42+00:00

It signals low value.

Don't use it.

FereallyRed · 2019-02-17T21:59:54+00:00

No.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #9

NEVER SELF-DEPRECIATE under any circumstance. This is a Kiss of Death that you self-initiate and is the antithesis of the PRIZE mentality. Once you've accepted yourself as a "complete douche" there's no going back to confidence with a woman. Never appeal to a woman's sympathies, her sympathies are given by her own volition, NEVER when they are begged for. Even if you don't seriously consider yourself pathetic, it never serves your best interest to paint yourself as pathetic. Self-Depreciation is a misguided tool for the AFC, and not something a true DJ will ever consider.

That said self-depreciation is pervasive and something that I myself have been guilty of in the past. You have to be hyper-aware of it and unlearn it. You have to catch yourself in mid-sentence so to speak. Women operate in the sub-communications and when you OVERTLY admit to a lack of confidence you may as well just LJBF yourself. That's a strong impression you wont recover from. Women want a compitent, confident, decisive Man not one who's self-image is that of a "complete douche" or even a partial douche. I should add that when you become hyper-aware of this you can also turn it to your own advantage when AMOGing or you're working a girl with a self-depreciative BF or other suitor. It's all too easy to reinforce her estimation of a guy like this by covertly confirming it for her, while at the same time playing up your own confidence and value.

All of this is not to say that it's wrong to recognize your own weaknesses and understanding when you're in the wrong. It's simply how you go about addressing them that's the point. We had a thread here not too long ago about admitting when both of you are wrong and this got me to thinking about healthy ways of communicating this. There are plenty of way to assume the responsibilties of fault that aren't self-depreciating. The easiest way is to always adopt the attitude that you're 'getting better all the time'. This mentality fosters confidence and projects ambition, whereas self-depreciation shoves your nose in the dog sh!t and says "please love me anyway?"

rambler429 · 2019-02-17T22:00:13+00:00

It's situational. In general, keep it to a minimum. It can show you can laugh at yourself and don't take yourself too seriously, but sometimes that's the exact opposite of what you want to convey.

I prefer to agree & amplify, or flip it:

(example) Me: Does this new haircut make me look like an asshole?

Her: Nah, I think its cute.

Me: Shit, I gotta go get my money back then.

thrwy75479 · 2019-02-17T22:17:00+00:00

Being self-effacing is a good quality, it allows the other person to be more comfortable with you. It also shows humility, but it's a grey area.

So, it may be okay if it's something that you could potentially change. For instance, "Man, I talk so loud the whole restaurant knows what we're ordering." laughter And then, maybe you lower your voice a bit.

Also, it may be better not to make joking remarks about things that affect your SMV. For instance, if you're obviously short, you don't need to remind her of it.

If she makes a remark, then yes, have a laugh, perhaps tease her about something, because it's something beyond your control anyway, and it shows you're cool with it.

Whether to use it or not, also depends on how long you've been seeing the girl. Are you opening her in a club? Or, is it nearing the end of the 3rd month in a casual fling?

There are several variables. Generally though, it's safer not to do it, especially if you're starting out.

cbang65 · 2019-02-17T21:52:01+00:00

Self deprication can be humorous, though i find that not leaving the door open to it helps maintain frame. Obviously its a joke but the more you remind someone how shit u are, the more they'll begin to believe it. Just my 2 cents.

Self depricating humor used to be my go-to... not so much anymore thanks to TRP.

[deleted] · 2019-02-17T21:53:12+00:00

dunno why would you stoop so low but hey it's your life man

resnine · 2019-02-17T22:55:10+00:00

Depends on your timing, tone, and the person. Also changes as you get older, have to change your comedy. What worked when you were younger isn't going to work now. I stay away from self-deprecating humor, they seriously lose respect for you after awhile. And often it gives other people the opportunity to make fun of you in your face or behind your back. I advise to find another style of comedy.

empatheticapathetic · 2019-02-18T00:00:47+00:00

I used to be the king of this. Big Conan o brien fan. Women. Do. Not. Like. It. First thing in learned when I got here.

account_for_rel · 2019-02-18T19:05:14+00:00

I have thought a lot about it, and my conclusion is: It works only when its absolutely clear that its a joke.

For example, in one of the interviews, Robert Downey jr cracks a joke about how he doesnt work on set, and only watches other ppl suffer. Well, for everyone its completely clear he works hard, and he is one of the most charismatic actor out there, so everyone also know that this self deprecation is a joke. So it works. It in fact also puts others at ease, by implying, "yeah i know i m awesome. But i dont take myself too seriously, so u can ease up too"

I have definitely used that in situations where i m hanging out with a crowd, whose jobs are socially lower level.

But it backfires when the other person doesnt know that you are awesome in that field. I have a friend who does that. Real cool guy, but it comes off as weak.

Michael_Uchiha6 · 2019-02-17T23:56:31+00:00

Don't self deprecate.

Ezreal3 · 2019-02-18T00:15:54+00:00

Use it as sparingly as possible. It doesn't work unless you need offset excessive alpha traits.

Terdmuffin · 2019-02-18T02:12:04+00:00

I think it works best when it's clearly false. If you're a big burly dude and joke about being a delicate flower that's not the same as joking like that when you're small and scrawny.

chazthundergut · 2019-02-18T04:38:51+00:00

Cut that shit out

Only use then sparingly when you are otherwise projecting ultra-high value

I used to use hilarious self-deprecating humor and it never worked. Now I tease them and put them down (playfully) instead of putting myself down, and that works much better

ArchsofArch · 2019-02-18T09:09:56+00:00

I like to go with I have aspergers or some shit, so that people don't ever find out that I hate people. However, I still want them around, so Aspie works, mom had me tested.

Stokestix · 2019-02-18T12:10:35+00:00

"yeah back when I was young and stupid.....now im just old and stupid."

A bit hard to take it as a joke when it sounds like the truth. It has to be at least a bit absurd.

Title	Self-deprecating humor
Author	jaw8625
Upvotes	12
Comments	30
Date	February 17, 2019 9:48 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/arpizh/selfdeprecating_humor/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/self-deprecating-humor.218929 https://theredarchive.com/post/218929

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