Original thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/55f74q/cheated_on_gf_yesterday_feel_empty_as_fuck/

I don't have a question, just want to share this update as an examination of my retarded ways.

So a night after cheating on my GF, we met up with her sister and went around bars, having a good time. Looking how lovely she looked and smiled, I decided to not ever cheat in future on a girl, because this shit isn't worth it a dime. Anyway, we ended up at her place late at night, chatted up a bit with her dad and went to sleep. The next morning we hit the road together, and halfway home I realized I forgot my jacket at her place.

This night she was in the neighbourhood for some birthday, called me to come out and get my jacket. I went there and she just stood with her open palm and wide eyes - "What the fuck is this?". Oh, shit, she found half of my viagra-tier pill from a sidepocket of my jacket.

A little backstory - at the beginning of a relationship I was just at the start of hitting a gym, quited smoking cigaretes and weed, got a new job and all that stress manifested in ED - I couldn't fuck her properly at first and it bugged her badly. So from then on, I always keep one of these pills with me just in case I can't get it up (very rarely happens nowdays, we usually have a mind blowing sex). I also told her then that I just quited doing drugs (weed and sometimes speed) because it was messing with my erection, and she was really glad about it.

So back to her in front of my building with my pill in her palm. I would never admit I fucked her on pill because I couldn't get it up. I know she would be supportive and all at first, but it would destroy her image of me as her invincible man, and she would wonder every time if I am fucking her because I took a pill, or if I genuinly desire her. It was out of the blue situation, I was suprised and told her that is an ecstasy pill, and that I took a half other night when we celebrated degree of my friend. She really took it badly, was disapointed, told she doesn't want to be with a junkie etc (funnily, I've been straight for 8 months now and never even tried an ecstasy). I told her that if she wants to end a relationship because of this I can't stop her, and that she is acting silly because I take ecstasy once in a few months on rare, "happy" occasions. She asked me what exactly happend at that celebration with my friend, I dennied cheating on her. She said she is dissapointed that I lied to her about ending my drug consumation and that she only asked two things from me from the start of the relationship - don't do drugs, don't lie. She left shortly after, very upset.

So when we sum things up, our relationship is done. I am going to let her break up, but if she isn't doing it, I will. The relationship is damaged, I cheated, she doesn't trust me, she was going through my fucking jacket and there is no point continuing it anymore. I am 26 years old, have been outcast most of my life until I decided to fucking improve, and she is my first functional relationship. I was lucky she is a genuinely good person, and I learned so much about relationships, trp, sex and leading with her, without her ever hurting my noob ass. It was a good 8 months.

Just in case you wanted to know what happend, because last post got some attention.

LESSONS LEARNED:

  • Don't cheat. It's probably not worth it.

  • Don't lie potential LTR. You don't have to answer all the questions, but don't lie. That shit is exausting and requires a good memory - it's a minefield. I often lied because of my insecurities and it often haunted me back.

  • When you fuck up, extract why you fucked up and improve on those things. I thought I am a lot better man than I really am. Always improve.

  • Don't be afraid to move on.

If you have other lessons for me jump in. Cheers.