what am i doing wrong?

Musicgoon · 2021-04-24T06:58:34+00:00

Start talking with everyone you encounter. Not just at parties, but in elevators, while waiting on lines, etc. Its gonna be awkward af, but this is a skill that just develops with time and practice.

AuberyBitoni · 2021-04-24T08:54:20+00:00

I used to suck at having conversations. Now I can talk with anyone. Read the book "How to make friends and influence people".

It's really simple, people love talking about themselves. If you want to have a good conversation with someone you have to ask them questions to gauge for their interests and pick up on that. The best way to have a good conversation is by listening. How many times I see people talking and not listening to the other person, interrupting, ...

If you find something you have in common, then it's easy to talk for hours. Last week I met some dude in the park, we were just having a beer, I didn't know him, my friend knew him, but I noticed that he was wearing a Lakers cap. I made a comment about his hat and he lit up, and we were talking about the NBA for literally 1 hour. Then he mentioned playing a lot of sports himself and I picked up on that and the conversation was genuine, and he wouldn't stop talking, I literally was leading the conversation by asking him questions.

It's the same with anyone. Girls, people at work, friends, your parents in law, ... Find what they find interesting, pick up on that. If your father-in-law loves drinking rum, bring a bottle of rum next time you see him and propose to share a glass. Ask him about trips he made, how he met his wife, anything, ...

This works for EVERYONE. Just listen and pick up on what they say. This only works if you're genuinely interested in what they have to say though.

Leonardslemons · 2021-04-24T07:17:24+00:00

You're thinking too much about what to say, and not enough about what the person is saying. Practice active listening, and just asking questions.

If you don't know what to say, at the very least, people just want to be heard.

Wjourney · 2021-04-24T09:18:35+00:00

Stop thinking just shoot random shit. its more about the feeling than the words if that makes sense. Fun is contagious if people see you are happy and loose in conversation they will feel way more comfortable and the convo will flow naturally if you take a genuine interest in the other person

btt069 · 2021-04-24T08:41:46+00:00

This will help you OP.

wanker7171 · 2021-04-24T07:37:18+00:00

right now i see my only bottleneck being not portraying myself as interesting enough

The first thing you should change is your mindset to what you're doing. For instance I consider myself a fairly interesting guy, but even if I wasn't I'd never say "I can't portray myself as interesting" because I don't have an urge to prove anything in simple conversation. You're interesting when you're able to showcase your personality unapologetically.

not being able to think of the spot for whitty responses like i used to be able to, is there any fix for this?

I think the heart of your problem is you lack creativity, especially if you are having a hard time with wit. When I first started improving my humor I'd do exercises to improve my wit.

I'd read newspaper headlines and try to misinterpret them
I'd listen to a sentence from a podcast or youtube video and try to misinterpret the point
I'd look for opposites and add what would be the logical response if the opposite was true (i.e. A restaurant is empty so you remark "We should've gotten reservations")

Once you get a handle on basic humor skills you naturally pick up more advanced levels of humor, at least that's been the case for me

throwawayok272728492 · 2021-04-24T08:20:43+00:00

You’re not comfortable enough with yourself to open up.

penguin4290 · 2021-04-24T13:09:08+00:00

Ask people questions you sperg, make them do all the heavy lifting in the conversation

thelacigolone · 2021-04-24T14:41:47+00:00

What someone else said talk to everyone when you see someone in elevators and all that. But also this is my personal trick. Talk to everyone at the party. The host, girls guys make everyone smile. Be funny and just love life. Try to have a good time. Make jokes and just have fun regardless of trying to get laid. Once you feel a little sexual energy from a chick you just go in after it. Turn on the game.

TheeRickySpanish · 2021-04-25T04:24:39+00:00

It’s normal. You don’t know any of them and honestly good conversation’s a two way street. I’ve realized over the years it’s best to trust your intuition. If someone gives you a weird vibe it’s probably for a good reason. I’ve been around some straight laced people who I didn’t feel comfortable around and been around some outlaw bikers who I thought were some of the coolest people to be around. A vibe is a vibe.

I remember one time I had a friend who invited me to a barbecue. I introduced myself to a couple of the guys there and started talking to them, we talked for maybe a few minutes. They didn’t say anything bad, their behavior just seemed really fake. I went back up to my friend and told him straight up “I don’t like these people.”

A few months later I get a phone call from my friend telling me about how badly he got burned by some of those guys. Always trust your intuition.

RelucBeam · 2021-04-24T13:30:52+00:00

Drink more alcohol

Title	what am i doing wrong?
Author	BlueSh4rk
Upvotes	10
Comments	17
Date	April 24, 2021 6:10 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/mxdz5n/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-am-i-doing-wrong.761453 https://theredarchive.com/post/761453

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