What's the difference between holding frame and failing to approach

Metalgear222 · 2016-10-21T15:45:03+00:00

If the initial attraction is physical and she is giving you IOI's, right then and there go talk to her and see if she is worth your time. Why shut the door on an opportunity you haven't even looked at yet. It's your job as the man to approach. Stop being selfish trying to hold all your awesomeness to yourself!

edwardhwhite · 2016-10-21T15:49:46+00:00

You just described the difference. You are looking at it from her perspective. That's wrong. Holding frame involves an interaction with other people. So its always failing to approach.

I am in the same spot you are and slowly working to fix it. I use CBT to overcome those difficulties and it is getting better. Still, I get approached as much or more than I approach. Trying to change that.

FrameWalker · 2016-10-21T16:48:49+00:00

If a woman is sending IOIs, and you don't approach her, does she see you as unattractive, solid frame (has urges under control) or just uninterested?

She sees you as a "nice guy" who's shy. AKA not masculine.

Holding frame =/= approach anxiety. Holding frame means maintaining and imposing your perspective onto the situation.

[deleted] · 2016-10-21T17:02:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

lord-denning · 2016-10-21T17:55:17+00:00

You need to approach immediately!! If you don't go in immediately the quick loss of interest is palpable. From her perspective, the mere act of looking at you or hanging out near you is a massive investment. You need to validate that quickly or she will feel exposed and retreat.

Edit: I just saw your joke about being "autistic"...the above applies to clear IOIs, not random women carrying on their usual business. Those women can also be approached but I would go in much softer.

Late30sMasculist · 2016-10-21T16:41:29+00:00

If a woman is sending IOIs, and you don't approach her, does she see you as unattractive, solid frame (has urges under control) or just uninterested?

If you don't approach when she is sending you IOIs, she sees you as weak, uninterested, or oblivious to the IOIs she's sending. You are overthinking this. If she's sending signals, go talk to her. If she's sending signals, she WANTS you to talk to her, so you can say the dumbest shit and she'll make it easy on you.

"Hey, I like your earrings." "Oh thank you! They were a gift from my sister blah blah" "What's your name?"

And you're off.

Title	What's the difference between holding frame and failing to approach
Author	waytooalf
Upvotes	6
Comments	43
Date	October 21, 2016 3:40 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/58nvh9/whats_the_difference_between_holding_frame_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/whats-the-difference-between-holding-frame-and.76395 https://theredarchive.com/post/76395

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