It’s been a while since the first thread https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2uxeoc/29_year_old_virgin_4_questions/ and I have been trying to progress in life.

I have read a lot of what people suggested and have learnt quite a bit about how others have went about discovering what made them attractive and lead to success for them.

I also thought long and hard about what is hindering me. When I break everything down it leads to some truths that hurt to admit. As melodramatic as it sounds, I can often feel a tightness of the chest and my mind trying to come up with ways of dealing with the truths rather than deal with the pain of accepting them. A good part of me doesn’t really accept them and there is some internal conflict. However, the part of my mind that deals with logic knows these to be true.

The main ones:

  1. Women are not obligated to find me attractive. No matter how much I want them to or feel would be fair. They don’t have to.

  2. No one will save me. Some people like you guys may kindly offer advice, or help or empathy, but no one is going to make things how I want them to be. I have to be that person or it doesn’t get done.

  3. There is a part of me that resents women for never seeing me as attractive and/or treating me like a man in that sense. This part of me is irrational and, although I hide it, it does not help me.

  4. I am risk avoidant. I am this way to protect myself from harm in addition to other strategies that came together out of an internal drive to do anything to not be hurt anymore.

  5. What other people think of me is massively more important to me than how I perceive myself. In turn, I look outward to what others think in order to find worth in myself.

I have been trying to get out there a bit more and be more social and say yes to more things.

However, certain problems keep coming up that I wonder if anyone had some insight into.

Problems:

  1. I often have to go by myself out to bars/clubs etc. as most of my friends are in relationships or not into going to those places. I end up being that guy posted up at the bar with a drink. Should I be trying to just talk to strangers to become part of their group? Talk to one woman at a time?

  2. Follow on from problem1, my friend circle is not a good way for me to meet women due to the aforementioned facts. Does anyone have ideas on where/how to meet women, especially for a guy in my age group? Am I too old for clubs festivals etc.?

  3. If I’m by myself, how can I approach without being desperate/creepy?

  4. How do I ignore that voice in my head that comes up whenever I see myself in a photo and mirror that tells me I’m ugly? The memories of when I posted to amiugly and people mocked me? And all the other times in my life I got little reminders that I wasn’t attractive?