This is related to this: http://i.imgur.com/Ls6gh.png

STORY:

A while back, in college, I was trying to fuck this chick. Just kinda talked, didn't "spit material" at her all that much. Just talked and kinda threw in a few tips that were lingering in the back of my head into the interaction when I saw opportunities.

Anyway, have dinner with her. Conversation varies from Mode2 to Mode3 levels. (I wouldn't have known to express it with this idea of "Modes" at the time). So it wasn't riveting conversation, but it was relatively interesting. Topics were things like what shes doing study wise, a few safe jokes here and there, things we like to do and are interested in, etc.

A week later or so I get her over to my place, watch a movie with some friends, smoke some hookah, sitting next to her - getting some incidental, and some overt kino in. Get her to my room. Show her some of the beats I make. Go for the kiss. Make out for a minute. Play hard to get, pull away first, look at her, go in for the kiss again half way and pause, waiting to see her reaction. She either actually gets, or pretends to be, turned off by by my cockiness and leaves. The end.

Fast forward to 4 or 5 months later. I've become considerably better at fucking chicks. Not all that great, mind you, just a few here and there, but much better than before.

I run into her on campus. I'm in the mood to just talk to her (or maybe anyone) for some reason. Have a little Mode3-Mode2 chitchat for a few minutes. You know, just usual small talk, whats up, whats going on etc. Then I just feel it for some reason, so I switch to Mode1, my first line being something like, "Hey, you know, I'm just in the mood to talk to you right now for some reason. Do you have a little time to kill, no classes or anything?"

She's into it and agrees to chill and converse for a bit. Then we talk for a little bit, I'm being pretty straightforward, but not 100% confiding in her. Somewhere between Mode2-Mode1, probably.

Then somehow it moves on to when I tried to hook up with her. I tell her I'm OK with having fucked up fucking her before, because that specifically wasn't my goal. My goal was to get good with women, and I was willing to fail for a long time with a lot of women to get there, so I'm not mad or angry about us not hooking up.

I told her I don't blame her for not fucking me either. It was partially her fault for not being able to see the cool guy that I am, and partially my fault for not being able to show it well enough.

I told her I am glad that I've gotten better with women. I told her I enjoy sexuality, think it's totally natural and I want to be skilled in the arts of pleasure. I told her my deeper goal regarding women, and men for that matter, is to be able to create really cool, laid back, relaxed, mellow experiences that we could savor together. I told her that I knew I needed to be a better leader to be able to do this. But not a leader in a sense of earning it, or fighting for it and grabbing hold of the power. The truer leader accepts his position more reluctantly, and as a matter of responsibility. The leader does not select for himself the position, but rather, he is selected for that position by the people he will lead because of the faith they have in him and his abilities. I told her about how I had once experienced this in being selected captain of a sports team in school.

I don't remember it all, but it went something like this. I wasn't trying to impress her (that would have been manipulative). I was just trying to express myself honestly, because I have found that in being honest to others, we increase our ability to be honest with ourselves. Being forced to put our deeper thoughts and feelings into words in the course of a conversation allows us to better understand ourselves.

We talked about transcendental states of being. She was arguing it wasn't possible and that she didn't believe in supernatural phenomena. I said I don't either, but I have still experienced some crazy states of being, and I believe they are biologically possible, and can be explained within the scientific framework, but are just really rare and have not been studied enough.

By the end of the convo, I felt myself in a very different state. I felt that she felt it too. I told her that I feel as though we have actually entered an altered state, and she, breathing heavily, looking slightly stunned, agreed.

She said she literally felt refreshed, and that she needed more honest conversation with the people she knew, just like this.

I could have grabbed her by the hand, taken her to my place, and fucked her right then.

But I didn't. I chose not to because, since it didn't happen the first time, and if I was truly okay with this, then I would be okay with letting the chance slide.

A few months later she contacted me to join her at salsa lessons ;)

I screwed that up however lol...and never fucked her :(

The End.

Edited formatting.