Long term relationship. Make that 2 long term relationships. That is how long ago it was I was amazing at this. It was weird at first getting back but let the approaches speak for themselves. I have a long way to go to get back to where I was, and even go beyond it. I am focusing on me now.

Approach 1) At the airport Asked a girl HB (8) if she knew where the train was. I already knew the answer. I just wanted to get started. Already starting to think what is wrong with me.. But we go on, it's early doors.

Approach 2) Whilst dragging a suitcase I see what looks to be a cute girl. It's a HB (7), I mention I liked her trousers, I asked her the normal shit, where is she from (despite I knew exactly where), I was thinking what is this? I go for the introduce with handshakes, blown off. Social distancing/this is not happening. Anyway, I ask for her number because I am thinking this should be a guarantee. This is beneath me, blah blah. She says no. I literally say "what". She dissapears off to "Work" and that is that.

Approach 3) I see a HB (8), I say you are beautiful. She says thanks. That's that. I think, ok this isn't right. After a mental recap I think that I am not acting human enough. And so it goes again.

Approach 4) HB (8), I tell her I think she looks bohemian. She looks at me like an alien. I realise that my confidence is wilting. I ask her if she knows what that means. I double down and ask if she is a skater chick. Now, I am an alien with two heads. She is counting down the seconds to vanish. I let her and things are looking bad. I go for another mental recap. And I realise I am acting like a plastic man. Need to splash the personality, stop acting and just talk shit and think about emotions.

Approach 5) HB maybe (8 say 7.5) I see her and think yup, seems up to par. And I just start talking. I just let it out and we are vibing. At last, I think. I let her go without getting her number probably because my confidence was low. I realise it and reflect.

Approach 6) HB (6) Cute enough. Also a sign of what was happening to me. I talk about general shit, where we are, take the piss out her accent, you know, finally I am seeing a glimmer of what I used to. I feel playful. She is interested, but she is return to Germany then and there. I think about getting the number regardless, the "oh I might be heading there in blah blah..." but I pussy out. I just should have.

Approach 7) Finally, a taste of the old times. I see a (HB 9) sitting on her own at starbucks. I take a step beyond, when I see the other tables outside watching me, half turn send myself in. I open with "have you been to canary wharf" she asks "why" I say "because the boat over there looks identical." She looks confused but I am in control of the frame again, and I feel it. I do some cold reads, badly then well. We chat for 5 minutes, I think about sitting down with her but I am too much of a pussy. I ask for the number. She says she is concerned since she is 19 and I am older, I say so "you only date sugar daddies you are in there 50's I get it, I am sorry to disappoint" goes down well she laughs. We talk again for one minute, I ask again. She looks undecided. I say "that's a yes then." She laughs takes the phone and gives the digits. I ask what she would like to do with me. But... I feel my confidence waning, slipping out of state and I can feel the consolidation is not where it should be. I need to make a connection to ensure as much as possible the date. Anyway, I peace out. (As proof of this, I text her and no answer)

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Approach 8) (HB 7) This is straight after. I am on a high. I compliment the umbrella, it goes down well. I end up asking for the number 3 times, push and pull. Get it, yet to text.

Approach 9) (HB 6) I have been travelling since 5am and pretty tired at this point. But I am thinking I need to get back to what I used to be as soon as possible and there is no substitute for the deep end. My approach anxiety is getting better now. Opened with "are you a detective" - she had a boyfriend, I ask "Can you keep a secret," she is not buying it and she wishes me well.

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Approach 10) (HB 8.5) oooo, another return to form. (I am feeling more in state with the more attractive girls. Open, she is waiting at the tram. "I am sorry I am late." She says "what?" I can see I have rocked her. Her eyes open and she is straight in the receptive state. We talk 8 words, she is smiling, we know whats up. Tram arrives. Now I should have either 1) got her number then and there or 2) old school told her to miss it and we will go somewhere. Ofc neither happened and there we are.

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Approach 11) )HB 8) Getting tired now. I tell her she has great hair, I joke that I didn't say I said grey. So mundane but there you are. She was heading back inside her flat and I know the old me would have been invited up. Ofc this current me twaddled on his way.

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Approach 12) HB (7) Tiredness really setting in. Make a joke, she is getting her bike ready, I think to escape me. I take a hint and let her go.

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Approach 13) 4 girls. My first group open, I initially walked past like a bitch to go home. So god damn tired. Then forced myself to double back. I chat, not going bad, or great. Few laughs, I am kinda in state but have this annoying anxiety, probably because my caveman brain can't believe I am squandering 4 girls at once. They go inside the party I go home.

On way home I read some personal development things I used to and feel truly in flow state for the first time all day. Think about going back again, but realise that tomorrow is a new day.

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What did I learn?

My mindset is not what it used to be. I used to think rejection or success were the same. I wouldn't care about the result and would just act. I realised that I was too result orientated. I expected results which put pressure on myself which led to anxiety which hurt my success and so on. I am getting back to working on myself. Hope this helps everyone. This is my first day back in 5 years. The good news is that I know that with this intensity of putting myself out there and working on my "self" it won't be long. Might keep this post up, day by day. We will see.

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Peace and good luck.