Hey all. I've been pretty obsessed with the world of dating science for over 6 years now (I've gone from AFC to instructing with Love Systems, and later ran my own seminars). I've learned a lot, and the advice I've come across has completely changed my life. I'm now the man I want to be in my relationships. I have the dating sciences to thank for this.

But there is a lot of potentially harmful information out there. I was lucky that I've been studying therapy and been working with therapists over the past 5 years. I've also read a lot of self help material. I just wanted to make this post to warn guys about all the negative or potentially misleading aspects of the dating science community.

  1. All the advice you come across is biased. Remember that there is always a bias based on the personal experience of the guy giving advice. We all have different goals with women. Some guys are looking for a relationship, some guys are looking for quick and easy lays, some guys are looking to build a harem, some guys are only interested in 9's and 10's... Try to get clear on what you want, and read advice that caters to your goals. Realize that your goals will likely evolve as you become more experienced and start to get what you wanted. No one person is experienced enough to be a true expert on all types of women. There are too many different types of women out there, and our lives are too short to truly develop an expertise in this area. Some guys have accomplished a lot, but their advice is still biased.

  2. Dating coaches and PUAs do not have the answer to all your problems. They often confidently give advice without fulling knowing the situation. Again, they are biased based on their own experience and they guys they've coached. Two situations may seem similar on the surface but could be completely different when you take into account the individuals involved. Dating coaches often come up with blanket advice. Don't let anyone else tell you what you want, or tell you that they know more than you about the situation you're in. They may know more, they might not. Take all the advice you receive with a grain of salt. But more importantly, don't let this mindset keep you from confronting and overcoming your fears and anxieties. Find out what your limits are for yourself, and don't let fear or anxiety keep you from becoming the person you want to be. Always lean into your edge.

  3. Dating Coaches and PUAs are not therapists. I've often come across guys with confidence issues or judgments stemming from real emotional trauma. Dating coaches and PUAs usually don't understand healing in an emotional sense (overcoming emotional wounds). They often have only a day or two to work with a student and apply band-aid advice. Sometimes these issues take time and action to heal. Doing more approaches and acting confident isn't always going to help, and can sometimes re-enforce negative beliefs. If you have unresolved emotional issues, visiting a qualified therapist regularly will probably help much more than some dating advice. Personally I'm biased towards Gestalt therapy, for me and people I've met it has been the most effective. That's just my bias though. I've also heard good things about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

  4. Most PUA material is shortsighted. It's designed for immediate results, as opposed to lasting effects. There has been a lot of focus on inner game to try to remedy this. In my opinion, most of the inner game advice isn't practical. The ideals discussed are usually very true, but the method for achieving these ideals is usually not very practical.

Often no method for implementing mindsets is given at all. Advice like "stop acting attractive, just be attractive". "Develop an abundance mentality". "Be unreactive". "Be confident".

These are helpful mindsets, but it's much harder to achieve these mindsets if they are not grounded in our experience. We can't develop confidence if we are never acting or always failing. We can't develop an abundance mentality if we have never experienced an abundance.

The reason is that as much as we want to have these things, our subconscious mind develops it's beliefs based on experience. Overcoming these limiting beliefs takes experience.

So for best results, work on both inner and outer game. Go out there and do your best, and focus on what you can improve. Your action will help you gain more confidence, which will improve your results, which will in turn improve your confidence, which will in turn improve your results... see the pattern? Real progress doesn't come from one bootcamp or inner game exercises, real progress comes from continual action, and a continual effort to make improvements.

The best and simplest inner game advice I can give is: learn to trust yourself.

This advice is so profound, and so counter to a lot of what the community is preaching. You can learn a lot from the community, but ultimately you must come to a point where you trust yourself.