I broke up with a girl I was seeing at the beginning of the year. Details here. It was genuinely the most shocking and painful experience I have been through. It has fucked me up a little and certainly changed something in me. Not to mention the other shitty things which capped it off to make it a truly awful last 8 months.

I no longer seem to be suffering the gut wrenching knot in my stomach everyday, which is nice. I feel like I've made some progress. Unfortunately, I still seem to be getting very very low at times and spend a lot of my day thinking about her and what I could have done differently. One thing I am acutely aware of is the lessons I must learn going forward. I know I made mistakes and I know part of the reason we didn't work is because there are some major lifestyle changes/attitudes/hangups in my life I need to fix.

One thing I want to express to the PUA community is don't be afraid to commit to someone you really like. I played my relationship like a boss (partly intentionally, partly not) and she spent the entire time chasing me. That doesn't last though. At some point you need to commit fully if you like her enough, because she will want more eventually. In my case she dumped my ass and moved on.

Something I have been struggling with massively is convincing myself I will meet someone as attractive as my ex again. She really was something special and ticked a lot of boxes. I genuinely don't think I have seen someone with better lips. They were perfection. Kissing a girl with big full lips is something incredible. Her perky natural boobs. Her dark brown eyes. She was a proper woman, not some silly little girl. She was confident and fiery, but also humble and really sweet. My Spanish queen. By some twist of fate or alignment of the stars I managed to land this babe and she actually liked me! I feel like Icarus flying too close to the sun. I flew too high. How on earth do I replicate that? The girls I see and meet don't remotely compare to her.

I'm not blinded enough to think she was perfect, but the trouble is I simply don't see women like her. When you date a certain quality of woman it really wrecks a lot of things. You begin to see just how busted and unattractive most of the girls out there are. You've tasted a fruit that many men won't get to experience. Unfortunately, like I said, I think meeting her and her liking me was some weird quirk of fate. I'm seriously worried I've hit my peak with her.

**TL;DR, Worried I won't meet anyone better than my ex