TL;DR: Guy thinks he's alpha. Isn't. Was going to get laid. Doesn't.

I was out with my GF "Alice" and her friend "Bella" at a popular dance bar, and when I came back from the bathroom found this foreign guy at our table chatting up her friend.

I felt like dancing a bit more, so was standing a couple meters away. I glance over sometimes to see how it's going, but pretty much am standing there sipping my beer and enjoying the music.

My GF gives me a couple of "check this guy out" looks, a few sarcastic eye rolls, and we smile & make eye contact every little while. When she winks at me coyly, he notices and waves me over to the table.

"Hey dude, come on over, I was just talking to Alice and Bella here. I'm Chris, what's your name? *** Nice to meet you, Dave. Why don't you sit down with us? Alice, Bella, this is Dave."

We ended up talking & dancing for a couple of hours, and Chris seemed like an OK guy. He seems to be getting on OK with Bella, but is making a good effort to get on Alice's good side too, talking a bit with both of them. I just go with the flow and talk with them like usual, enjoying myself. Chris, on the other hand, can't stop talking himself up: his job, his travels, his money, his women, his intelligence, his education, his familiarity with pop culture, whatever. It's not so impressive too Alice, Bella, or me, but hey, a guy's gotta try, and he seems OK.

The funniest part is when he keeps throwing out mangled sexual innuendo in a language he obviously studied in High School. Neither Alice nor Bella understand it. I'm fluent in it, but don't let on because you gotta let a guy try his schtick. It was like he wanted to turn the topic to sex, but couldn't actually bring himself say it in the language everyone would understand.

Then Alice and Bella get up to go to the bathroom. Chris changes.

He slides over next to me around the booth, and says: "Dude, these chicks are fucking HOT! And they seem totally into us--good wingman action, man, thanks. Which one do you want?"

"Say again?"

"These bitches are total sluts out looking for cock. The tall one--'Belinda?'--is totally down to fuck you, man! It's hot dancing with her, but I'm not feeling it. And she's been looking at you all night."

(Yeah, looking at me with "what do you think of this guy? I'm not sure..., but he seems OK, maybe?" eyes.)

He continues. "And the other chick, man, she's been giving me eyes all night! Damn, have you seen that ass? I would ream the FUCK out of that ass! Nice and petite. That pussy's probably tight as shit, and you know it's wet already. She probably shaves it. I bet she's smooth as a schoolgirl around those pussy lips."

(Yeah, my GF has been looking at him, but with "hmm... is Bella OK with this guy? Maybe he's nice... Not sure?" eyes.)

He slips around to the other side of the table and tells me "let's switch up--if you grab Bella's ass and grind on her for a while she'll totally drop her panties for you. I'm gonna fuck that other one. What's her name? Alena?"

"Alice. Her name's 'Alice'."

Alice and Bella come back and sit down--and because of his move to the other side of the table, my GF is next to him and her friend next to me. He creepily slides his arm around Alice, and motions me with his head that I should make my move on Bella.

I got the biggest shit-eating grin on my face and switch to Alice & Bella's language. It's already been established that he doesn't speak a word of it, even though he's supposedly been living here for 5 years.

"Guess what Chris was talking about while you guys were away."

No guesses. Chris gets that 'uh-oh, foreign language that I don't understand at all' look, as well as surprise to find out that I speak it.

"He told me the two of you were sluts, and that I could easily fuck Bella and he's going to fuck Alice in the ass."

The looks on their faces were priceless-- shock, anger, disbelief, amusement, and disgust, all at once.

Chris sat there with a fixed grin on his face under his confused eyes. "Hey, what are you guys talking about?"

Alice slides away and tells him: "Only my boyfriend fucks me in the ass."

She gets up, comes over over to sit on my lap and kisses me hard. Bella just looks away from Chris, rests her elbow on the table, and gives him a hand to talk to.

Chris crashed down from confident and faux-Alpha to confused and small, and asked "what the fuck's going on?"

"Dude, you never asked anything about us. You spent the entire time talking about yourself. You can't even remember their names. You completely misread the situation and didn't know anything about the people you were trying to impress. Alice is my GF. We were letting you talk, giving you every chance to get on Bella's good side. And you fucked it up."

FAIL.

Chris throws some money down on the table for drinks and storms out of the club.

I turn to Alice and Bella. "What were you guys talking about in the bathroom?"

"Bella liked him," said Alice, "and asked us to go home & leave them alone so she could hook up with him."

LESSON LEARNED: Always make sure you read the situation, and actually show some interest in people.