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Amazing first dates that go nowhere

youkiddingbro · 2019-12-15T17:21:05+00:00

I get enough matches on dating apps which usually lead to an in-person meeting/drinks. Some of these go really well and involve a fair amount of intimacy. What...

youkiddingbro

December 15, 2019

3 upvotes

/r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	Amazing first dates that go nowhere
Author	youkiddingbro
Upvotes	3
Comments	18
Date	December 15, 2019 5:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/eb1m5f/amazing_first_dates_that_go_nowhere/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/amazing-first-dates-that-go-nowhere.1486201 https://theredarchive.com/post/1486201

Comments

[–]WIA20XX 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]youkiddingbro 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]WIA20XX 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

1) The Smell Test

Tinder is essentially a blind date. She is coming out with you based on your looks, bio, and text messages. She doesn't know you, she hasn't gotten your scent.

To combat some of this, you want to give a preview.

She may not want it, but a phone call or Face Time, actually helps you connect more, increases the attraction based on your voice and delivery.

In any meet, the man have to be attractive with his conversation and his nonverbal language.

2) A drinks date - it will loosen her up obviously, but it's just a conversation.

Set the tone by breaking the touch barrier, like it means nothing

When you see her -

girl handshake, linger a bit and let go.
A hug works too. Hug has the benefit of her feeling the fact that you work out and that you smell good took a shower, put on some deodorant, some cologne.

This isn't an interview, because you are a sexual threat, not an asexual set of pixels on her black mirror.

The Chat

So the chat starts stiff and formal, and as you get more familiar (and the liquor kicks in) you get more from each other.

The thing is, you are just talking.

So I assume you are doing all the "tricks" to make the first 30-45 minutes fun.

jokes.
stories.
role-playing.
bold statements.
games - fuck, marry, kill for example.

These are the things I start with. I want a fun vibe.

I will always inject a few flirts as well. I am testing the waters.

If you've got the back and forth going, she's interested.

But if you want to hookup, or get another date - getting her comfortable in fully expressing herself is the key.

She will emotionally tampon you if you let her. So leading questions, cutting her off, drilling down on stuff.

Getting stuck in getting to know you realm

Where most guys get stuck is in the biographical information exchange. That dries up the pussy and shrivels up the dick.

So if she offers up, or you ask some dumb shit like where she works or where she grew up - you gotta go deep.

"I grew up the Midwest" she says.

You - "I don't believe you...that's not your vibe"

Whatever she says about herself, drill down.

She's been on enough dates where the guy is pleasant or he only talks about himself. Or where she prattles on.

You want depth. That means taking an interest, getting her to talk more.

More touch and more eye contact builds the heat better than dirty talk at this juncture in my experience.

That should make your dates better.

If you're trying to same night hookup, you have to have something "unplanned" after the drinks. Maybe you talk about something at your place, but then she has to leave because you have work in the morning.

[–]youkiddingbro 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]axe122 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is all good advice and especially the phone call part makes you stand out. I also found telling her to text you when she gets home safe is a good gauge of interest level and makes her feel like she’s important but don’t be all like I had a great time or anything, if she says hey I just got home simply say okay good and don’t text her again for a full day unless she texts you first(don’t ignore her text) if she says I had a great time tonight respond with something like yeah you were alright 😂😂 It like she knows your joking and knows you like her but doesn’t know where she stands.

Wait at least 1 full day before texting her, online dating is a little different than standard dating as they are getting someone new every day and if you wait 4-5 days which I often do in cold approaches found they move on with the online dating cuz they have a million options and think your playing games.

The main thing to take away is if she liked you you won’t even have to reach out to her you can just respond to her texts and she’ll be the one chasing. I can get girls to chase before I even go on a date, it’s all about the kind of attention you give them and you hen you give it to them.

[–]Hubblenobbin 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]WIA20XX 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Keep in mind, there are a lot of valid ways to run your game. So I'm explaining my style. To this day, I adhere to a the old school sequence.

Attraction/excitement/fun.
Trust/rapport/comfort/connection.
Arousal and the end game.

For the most part, they go in order, but I may dip into the three areas as needed.

Chat getting too hot, bring it down. Too stale, spice it up. Too personal, pull back and lighten.

And I do those things in the three forms - verbally, nonverbally, and with location.

Personally, I believe every real hookup is like this, but guys aren't always conscious and deliberate about it.

So after the banter is achieved, you want to switch gears. The new objective for a regular guy is connection. Guys generally have two modes, comedian and horn dog.

The game is played here in the soft bits of connection.

What is connection?

You want to understand her, know where she is coming from.

And she needs to feel like you get her, even just a little.

That mutual understanding is connection.

When a guy and Girl are really on synch, not only do they finish each other's sentences, it's like you're in her head and she is in yours.

You don't need to be predictable, but she can trust you to not hurt her. And being attentive to her body language and nonverbal signals, is unconsciously saying that you'll be like that later.

How?

Met the girl.
Chat so far has consisted of jokes, stories, compliments, teases, etc. You've been peppering in some flirtations and touches (phase 3 - hookup).

She is not just responding, she's coming up with things to say, because she is enjoying your company. So her enjoying talking to you is her getting into Phase 2 - Trust.

Usually the chat can get bogged down into interview mode or you stay in high energy dancing monkey.

So I usually try to take the chat into something a little more dangerous.

This is where I ask the deeper questions about her life, about her to identity, about how she sees herself.

So the chat will go in the biographical way out of her laziness.

"I'm an accountant. I'm a choreographer."

I want her to tell me why, and also what she fears, and what she gave up. What was her road not traveled.

Any of the questions from the 36 questions - are good - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together.

So a lot of guys at this stage want to finish her sentences, maybe give her some sort of personality assessment. That can be great.

But if you get her to realize something about herself - something new- something she has to say out loud and take ownership in - you are golden.

A chick will blab anything. The key is guiding her, pushing her to new areas by carefully observing her nonverbal signals. And you have to push back when she goes on autopilot.

Breaking her state, breaking the rapport, and rebuilding it is what keeps me out of the emotional tampon zone. She's not getting a free pass, because you're not letting her get away with bullshit. You're not a good listener, but an active one.

[–]Hubblenobbin 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]grubsztyl 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]youkiddingbro 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]grubsztyl 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]youkiddingbro 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]YwUt_83RJF 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]trustmeiminnocent 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]youkiddingbro 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]trustmeiminnocent 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]youkiddingbro 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Insaneflirt_max 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link