Issue: I'm 21 years old. I can speak to guys who lack confidence and REALLY ugly girls easily. I cannot speak naturally to any guy who has confidence or any girl with any level of attractiveness. I also feel ashamed at being my authentic self because I have a big personality/vibe when I'm confident, and I get these dead inquisitive eyes. This is the big issue I'm trying to solve. I'm going to write down all my observations and try to slowly fine-tune myself and shave away these issues.

I was tired af today and not planning on approaching anyone. I just needed to get my sick note to defer my exam. Well for some reason after all the research on frame and presence, at least in a general sense, I felt super confident in my body and capacity. What did I manage to do today? Not much really, but better than nothing. My short-term goal is 3 approaches, 3 times a week, and just getting a good convo going with 0 feeling of stress. I want to radiate comfort. I heard that the best way to improve and deal with approach anxiety is dealing with it step-by-step.

Day 1 (0 official approaches):

- I asked two dudes for the bus schedule (they lacked confidence so that doesn't really solve my issue).

-I saw a cute chick at the bus stop sitting down from the corner of my eye and I'm jamming out listening to music while standing up. I tell myself "you have made the choice and committed, just speak to her, no thoughts". So I sit beside her and then I turn to speak and see that she looks to be 30 and that shocks me and then I end up saying nothing. So we're just standing side by side without saying anything and just looking around lmao. She probably thought it was creepy because of my actions being in-congruent with my intentions but I was smirking and holding in laughter at the retardedness of the situation lmao. She was looking back and forth to deal with awkwardness and I noticed her leg had that weird jerking back and forth thing you do when you're stressed. Flop approach but interesting experience in getting close to making the approach the only choice. Also the first time doing this with all the theory and confidence knowledge.

- I walked outside with confident body language like I would if I was walking alone, and 80% of the time I was able to not care. But the 20% of the time where I was unconsciously reacting to my immediate surroundings, I'd go into "putting on the nice guy mask" mode (ex. when I saw two chicks at the bus stop). I notice it though now and I'm forcing myself to stop it, even if my real self is weird.

- At the mall in the crowded cafeteria I saw two chicks I wanted to approach but I didn't want to cause a scene approaching. One of them ended up having a boyfriend. At the bus stop I saw a group of two girls which I think I could've vibed with but pussied out talking to them because it'd feel like a 2v1. On the bus I saw a cute girl I wanted to approach and felt like the bus wouldn't be appropriate, especially since I had to get off in 10 minutes.

Upcoming goal: be able to have 3 consecutive chilled-back conversations with chicks I don't know in a day. Once I can flirt without feeling ashamed during the first approach, that's when I'll move on to something more challenging.

What I've learned today: I make a lot of excuses for not approaching even though the worst that can happen is getting embarrassed, I have to commit fully to my approaches, I have to be aware and stop myself when I try to put on the nice guy mask, I have to approach more.