Approaching in College

colincush · 2015-02-20T05:09:03+00:00

5th year college student here. I was in the exact same boat as you.

Here's what I've found to works for me.

First, you can't have the mindset that "this conversation with this girl will change my life forever". It's a simple conversation. Just like any other with a dude or your grandma. You start a conversation because you are genuinely interested in knowing/sharing something. Not because you are trying to pick up a chick in class and trying to be this smooth dude.

Example: A few weeks ago I was sitting next to a girl in a class. Nothing special, we had never talked before, although we were familiar with each other. I happen to glance over in the lecture and she had her daily planner open. On one of the days was a big event that happened in my home town. I was now generally interested in knowing why she was attending the event. I simply asked her how she knew about the event (I'm from a tiny hometown). I opened my mouth, asked a question, and the ice was broken. We went on to have a great conversation about the event, and now often talk/flirt in class.

Try to focus on gathering information from a conversation than trying to make an impression. Worry about impressions later. Just try to gather information. Maybe she has a strange sticker on her laptop or computer. Ask her about it. Where is the sticker from? What's the story behind it? You mindset should not be "I'm going to ask this girl about her sticker to break the ice then go from there and try to be cool". It should be "that's a weird sticker, I'm gonna ask her what the story behind it is."

Good luck dude, you'll be fine. Don't try to get all caught up in your head about what to do/not do, or what to say/not say. Just talk. Just like you're talking to your mom or best friend or whomever. Be a curious human being that's not afraid to ask questions.

Really hope this helps!

AidenKei · 2015-02-20T00:14:22+00:00

Anxiety comes from a lack of comfort. Maybe you feel anxious about rejection, uncertainty or doing something you're not used to. To deal with approach anxiety you have to first be comfortable with yourself. Believe in what you say and do and let the words come out naturally. As an introvert myself I understand that it's hard to come up with something witty or charming, especially if the other person gives you nothing to work with, but you have to become comfortable with interacting with others. This comes with trial and error and through personal experience. Look out for opportunities which forces you to interact with others. Having a good conversation is all about being in the moment, exchanging thoughts and ideas and enjoying yourself. Also make excuses for yourself to approach (this will be a good experience for me, this girl is too interesting to pass up, etc.).

Learning body language will also help you immensely. Project confidence and you will feel it. It's also fun to notice some of the subtle signals people make.

Best of luck! You got this.

TELL_ME_HOW-YOU_FEEL · 2015-02-20T01:33:46+00:00

Jesus christ.

You just described me to a T, same age too. I too would like to know the answer to this.

MonstarsSuck · 2015-02-20T04:21:47+00:00

We're very similar:

19

I went to a Big Ten school last year

Introverted

Anxiety

Decently attractive

We're also very different:

I dont smoke

I dont drink

I dont have friends

After lurking on here for awhile I said enough is enough, I was (and still am) depressed. So I said fuck it, it can't get much worse. I walked up to this girl who was a complete stranger, introduced myself and told her she was pretty. I got her # and we went out a couple times. It fizzled out after about a month but the point is just go for it, theres nothing to lose. You have aleg up on me b/c you have social value, so there's no reason you can't do it.

brickiton · 2015-02-20T01:44:17+00:00

I'm a freshman myself and I went through the same shit first semester. But man I figured out the main problem for me was that I had a me vs. the world mentality. Instead of looking at every dude at a party as a brother, I looked at them as competition and in turn, the stakes became high when the stakes never existed in the first place; this led to anxiety and it fucked up many opportunities with girls.

This was my issue and this may or may not be the same for you, but the trick is to identify the problem (often times its something you'd never guess) without judgement. What helped me do this were a few books: "Models", "Way of the Superior Man" and "The Power of Now". To be honest the most helpful one was The power of now when it came to this, and I highly recommend you give it a read with an open mind. Good luck dude!

ThePUA_Baddie · 2015-02-20T16:21:59+00:00

3rd year college student here. The only way you're going to break out of your shell and start approaching is if you really want this. That goes for anything in life. What you need to do is obvious, just say hi. There's no hidden tricks, or secret tips or ways to remove your anxiety. The way you remove is by desensitizing yourself to these situations. And how do you do that? Get use to opening girls. Say hi to girls while waiting in line, or girls next to you. Then after that ask a question, whatever it may be. Don't second guess what you're asking and think if it'll be awkward. For example if you're eating lunch and the girl next to you is working on something on her laptop, say hi and then maybe ask "what's that you're working on?". Then take it from there. You should already have an in since you both go to the same school, after that it's all about taking action and letting the dice roll.

Big_TX · 2015-02-20T18:33:05+00:00

The Blueprent Decoded by RSDTyler 100%addresses your question. It explains how your mind works and stuff too. It starts out slow, so knuckle through the early part, but it is nessasarty to realy understand the later part.

The tldr is: go out, self-amuse yourself. And be out come independen, Have fun, that will bring you out of your shell. The more time you spend out of your shell the more confortable you will be living out of it. FREQUENCY Is key And most crucial. FREQUENCY frequency frequency.

nuc1earwessels · 2015-02-20T21:57:52+00:00

Retrain your brain to look at conversations with girls you're interested in as just any other convorsation, and the flirtation/ badassery will just flow naturally. You already have all the social skills you need, its just extra expectations you have blocking you. You're going to fail at this many times, but look at the way you approached the last conversation and fix it for the next one. In a months time I bet you that inner bad ass will begin to show himself.

peasant_levies · 2015-02-21T06:59:30+00:00

College is all about social proofing. If you don't run in the same circles as the girls you're pursuing, it will be hard. I'm 28 years old and I've been doing this stuff since I was 19-20, and it got a lot easier to do this once I was out of school in my mid 20s. Older women are more receptive to being approached when they are out than college girls.

penguin_says_slide · 2015-02-19T23:21:07+00:00

Your question is about about Approaching in College as the title so unjustly leads me think...instead it's about Approach Anxiety

I ask you /u/Widly_Scuds as a rational man...how do you learn to flip an omelette?

Answer : You do not flip an omelette.

Seriously, you don't. You don't want to learn when you could potentially ruin your omelette, burn yourself on the oven, stick it on the ceiling etc.

You learn when the stakes are low.

Instead, you learn how to flip an omelette, by practicing with beans on a pan and you do it on a table, not the over where you can get burnt.

Similarly

Don't start approaching in the college campus.

You need to approach tens of hundreds of women to get to the point where AA is not that big of a problem anymore. You will fail a lot. You don't want to do it around people who know you.

Go to a mall or city square and practice there.

Title	Approaching in College
Author	Widly_Scuds
Upvotes	28
Comments	13
Date	February 19, 2015 11:11 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2whhdj/approaching_in_college/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/approaching-in-college.1384214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1384214

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