CAN. NOT. APPROACH.

kryptonyk · 2013-07-19T17:36:06+00:00

Hey. First, it sounds like you have A TON of things going for you. You have to remember that when you approach and know that you are offering something great. Have you read the seduction guide "Above The Game" located on the sidebar? If not, check it out immediately.

I used to have those terrible self-doubting thoughts when I went to approach. It's all bullshit. I guarantee it. I am no pro but I've been getting a lot better lately. Now when I have those thoughts I just remember the truth: it doesn't fucking matter. Your grey hair doesn't matter. Lot's of guys with grey hair get women. Being a dad and working a lot doesn't matter. Lot's of hard working single fathers get women. Etc, etc.

Go out there and be honest/confident and be yourself and women will appreciate it. And as a side note..

you're circumcised and chicks hate that

huh??!?!

bonerfleximus · 2013-07-19T17:36:30+00:00

You should probably start by approaching someone.

CinnabonHotJizz · 2013-07-19T19:48:55+00:00

Here's how I look at it.

The women you see out randomly in your day to day life are in the same boat as you. They want to find someone that can infuse excitement, fulfillment and meaning into their life.

They are no different than you.

They are rooting for you to approach them and make that happen. They are bound by societal norms from making the first move. You making the first move--even if its as meek as a 'hi'--is more than enough for MANY women. They EXPECT you to approach. Do not let them down.

The bar is SO low. The number of men just like you that dont make approaches are everywhere. Stand out.

There is no rejection. Rejection is a concept your mind made up to protect your ego. As with any emotion, it requires conscious power to maintain it. Do no give it energy.

'Hi' is all that is standing between you and the women you want. That's it. A measly, insignificant, 'Hi'.

Add:

a smirk/smile
strong tonality in your voice.
a confident posture
solid eye contact
a followup opener (there are literally an infinite amount of those)

and you're off and running.

It does not get simpler than that.

If none of what I said works, keep in mind that its just a friggin' woman. This is nothing compared to what you have accomplished at 38 and will continue to be asked of you for the rest of your life.

alexmatlock · 2013-07-19T19:17:11+00:00

Just posted a new link to a full article about this. How To Deal With Rejection and Approach Anxiety

bink1time · 2013-07-19T19:48:32+00:00

Approaching takes no skill, its not about skill. Believe me when I say approaching is the easiest thing about pickup.

It's hard for me to tell you not give a shit about your grey hair or how old you are. I'm 25 when I see a chick I just think oh she wants it and I just go.

I think you will get there, when it comes to approaching its more about wanting it. Seems like you are about to hit a wall where you want it enough.

I like to think of approaching from a evolutionary point of view. Look all your fear of not approaching is built on one thing. That before huge cities you would have about 10-20 girls to pick from so if your approach failed your genes would not continue. So there was a lot of risk in a failed approach. Now a days a can literally mess up thousands of approaches and there are no reproductions.

You wife telling you chicks won't like you because you are circumcised is a straight up lie. That's never ever been a issue with any girl. And I've been with quite a few.

tl;dr When you are tired of the bullshit you will approach, it takes no skill but is more about how much you want it.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-07-19T23:59:35+00:00

Stop making excuses. Your problem is not gray hair or excessive masturbation or your small penis. Your problem is your attitude, which is always a more significant impediment than any other.

You offer the typical AFC lament, you are an awesome guy, you work out, you make loads of money, and have amazing hobbies like cooking and dj-ing. And yet women are not throwing themselves at you. They do not understand your awesomeness.

Well guess what? They're not going to throw themselves at you.

You say you can not approach, but you describe how you approached women with no intention towards them more than a casual conversation. That is how you start. There are PUA manuals that start with nothing more complex than that. Many lifetime relationships started with nothing more than that.

I read your message and I notice the conspicuous absence of any reason why you want to interact with women. You don't seem to know what you want from a woman, so why would you have any reason to approach one? And even if you approached a woman and she was receptive (as you say you have experienced) you have no way to connect with one, and are making up excuses why you aren't even going to try to convey any of the personal qualities that might attract her. Women get hit on thousands of times, it's part of their consciousness, they deal with it constantly. They expect it from you. But you want to be a Nice Guy and not be aggressive. Well guess what? That girl you deliberately didn't escalate on, now she has a boyfriend that DID escalate.

So you are going to have to get your shit together. You have a million excuses and they are all true, they all stop you from having what you want. You need to stop making excuses why you can't and start making up reasons you can. Until you find a reason to go out and get what you want, you will never get what you want. You don't even need to know exactly what you want. You just need to start the same way we all do, with a determination to learn how to explore our desires and to find out what makes us happy. And obviously, what you're doing now isn't making you happy. It's just not making you unhappy enough to change. Maybe it's time to really get in touch with your misery, and do something about it.

jwoggledawg · 2013-07-19T20:07:51+00:00

ive been working on the being fun aspect by starting this subreddit http://www.reddit.com/r/bantering/ if this helps.

2013-07-19T18:07:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cheekylilcunt · 2013-07-19T22:20:13+00:00

If I was in your position, I would try to desensitize myself taking slow steps. As you are probably not able to just jump right into approaching, start with something little and slowly build your way up. It doesn't matter how small your first steps are, start wherever you feel comfortable.

It could go like this:

Make eye contact with women

Feel comfortable with that now? No? Repeat. Now? Good! Time for step 2

Smile at random women.

Comfortable? Next step!

Ask a woman for the time

And so on. You will still feel anxious, but it will be easier. This approach to beating anxieties is used in cognitive behavioral therapy aswell and it has a good long term effect. Remember to take little steps which make you feel as comfortable as possible. You can repeat steps as long as you want. If you need to smile at 100 women before you can ask one about the weather, ok, just do it.

notlurkinganymoar · 2013-07-19T20:35:40+00:00

Just do it. Seriously, that's all there is. Challenge yourself to do it and, here's the kicker, go do it. What's that old saying about one million step journeys starting with the first step? You can even start by talking to guys. If you still can not talk to women, then you need to get with a group so you can all push each other. No point in spending money on someone to do it for you when you can get that for free.

BlueRookie · 2013-07-19T22:26:19+00:00

something that always works for me. my take on the theory of relativity. if you think a problem is too huge to deal with, simply create a bigger one. now the original issue is relatively manageable. this translates into something i've seen here, people giving 200 dollars to their wingman. for each approach they get 20 dollars back. that 10 approaches in one night. if you seriously want to over come this, put yourself in a position where you HAVE TO approach, ie. if i don't find out her name i can't afford rent this month! you will soon see how trivial the interaction can be

dre_day4 · 2013-07-19T18:39:47+00:00

I used to be shy as shit and felt like a ghost. I was never included in my high school year book and nobody really knew who I was. The thought of approaching a women and becoming friends seemed impossible for me. I made up excuses, and this went on for years. I said this before, but mushrooms changed my attitude. I think you need an attitude adjustment about approach. Saying "I think you're cute" right away is too much for a beginner. Approach with the intention of being friends, then escalate. Approach is always the hardest due to a number of reasons, but I assure you it gets easier from there.

Girls like the single dad thing, the grey hair thing isnt a big deal and things can be done to reduce the look of it. In this crazy universe, you honestly think grey hair is a concern?

NaturalAFC · 2013-07-19T23:07:26+00:00

I didn't see this mentioned, but check out the book "She's Five Steps Away."

Kronwall · 2013-07-19T21:20:34+00:00

Ya u can

TrePismn · 2013-07-19T22:20:00+00:00

I....sob...cried

Part 2 coming soon.

Title	CAN. NOT. APPROACH.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	39
Date	July 19, 2013 5:08 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1in4ei/can_not_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-not-approach.1355631 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355631

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