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[–]Liberaler 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
A day is not that long. She has a life aside of you. One day is not that long. You yourself said that she is stressed out. Wait for at least one week til you message her again, if she doesn't reply before that. Focus on other things/people in the meantime.
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A week is too long IMO. I would wait 2-3 days since last response and if there's more weirdness, then I pull back to 2 weeks. When you have momentum on your side, you run with it. If she's going cold on you for no reason, then you pull back and pull back hard.
[–]Yerebeets 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I guess sometimes it's good to hear the same thing you are thinking, but from the other person's mouth. Thank you, will definitely do that!
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Focus on other things/people in the meantime.
This part can't be emphasized enough. You CANNOT spend the next few days obsessing over a first date. You will quickly have her up on a pedestal so high that you're gonna break your neck looking up at it.
Remind yourself that even good first dates fizzle out very often. Time spent fantasizing about the possibilities is always wasted. Focus on maximizing your real day.
[–]bcool_returns 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Hmm. Sounds like you made too big a deal about the kiss, man. And I'm going to play this from both sides. You know this girl better than I do. But I doubt this is the first kiss that she's ever had, or the first time she's gone out with a dude and then gone back to her mom after a makeout or maybe even much much more. In other words, in the moment, maybe it was fine to make a joke about the lipstick. But it wouldn't have necessarily have been my follow up message a day later. You never want to be more prude than she is. It's just a darn kiss. I get it, you liked her and were whisked away by her seeming enthusiasm too. But chill a bit. Let her be giddy. You be grounded.
On the other hand, if we're going with the idea that she's more innocent and likes to take things slow, then harping on that moment a day later wasn't necessarily the greatest idea either because that might just trigger buyer's remorse. In the future, just focus on the many other things that you guys connected on. If the date was as good as you said, there should be plenty of callback humor/content you can draw on. Anyway, I'd try double texting one more time end of the weekend along the lines of what I just described. If nothing still, move on.
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I would have waited another day before messaging her after the date, and I would have been about planning the next one. You've gotta keep the ball moving forward, especially in that unstable condition where you've made out but haven't hooked up.
I also wouldn't have sent the Insta story a few hours later. Just looks too much like fishing for a response out of her. But these things would only be fatal errors if she's just not that into you. If she is sufficiently into you, then showing a little too much interest isn't the end of the world.
What is likely going on with her is that she didn't intend to be making out with you on the first date, but she was having a good time. But now she feels awkward because she feels she gave away too much leverage. She's also placed pressure on herself because now she has to decide whether or not she's DTF before she sees you again, because she knows it's gonna come up. Her guard is now up because you did better than she expected.
That's why she's going cold-ish on you, she's trying to make you come to her to regain some control over the situation. But it also places you on the horns of a dilemma - if you keep pursuing you look thirsty, if you let things go cold, you lose all the ground you've gained with her.
So the move is to be patiently persistent. You can be confident now, because you know on some level she's into you. You just need to be cool, outcome independent, and patiently move the ball forward. You're the prize in this situation, so act like it. She should be about proving to you why she's a good investment, rather than you trying to prove you're worth sleeping with. She might not be ready to admit it, but she's already made that decision. Girls don't make out with guys they don't find physically attractive.
So my advice would be to text her Sunday afternoon and say something to the effect of "I haven't had sushi (or whatever you're into) in forever, how's Wednesday?" Then the ball is back in her court.
Now either she continues to play for space and risks you moving on. Or she buys in and you're back on course. Either way, end of your mystery and you put your best foot forward.
[–]Yerebeets 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for such a long and thoughtful reply. Although she didn’t reply to my text, she sent me something on instagram. I’ll give her some space for a day or two, and then reply to her and make plans for another date. If there wouldn’t be any interest, I doubt I would get that Instagram story tonight. I won’t reply to her immediately because that would seem needy, I’ll wait till Sunday and hit her up again, hoping for the best. Thanks!
[–]caesarfecit 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Np man.
Her response on insta is a good thing, if she was doing a pullback, she likely wouldn't have done that.
You've got the right idea now, in that you want to keep the texting minimal and logistics focused until you've made it past the initial stages. It's important at this stage of the game that you stay a mystery, don't give her too much, and give her room to pursue you and wonder about you. Otherwise you'll turn into her texting buddy and she'll get distracted by bright shiny objects.
The only caveat to that is you don't want to let so much time pass in between contact that she goes cold and starts wondering if you've given up. 2-3 days is good between initiating convos, and as for response time, mirror hers. Remember though that you want to have your conversations in person rather than over text.
If you don't hear anything from her by Sunday, proceed as previously discussed. So yeah, just give'r and don't overthink it. And also don't be surprised if she reaches out before Sunday - be prepared to move on that second date on the fly.
[–]nevertextgoodnight 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Brother, good job on getting kissy action
Now people will hate on this:
Don't ever text her after the date until the next week when you're going to ask her out again. UNLESS of course she hits you up first
She ain't your gf. Don't worry, she made it home safe. Don't worry, if you guys kissed she didn't just forget about you. Don't worry, if she likes you she'll want to see you again.
Guys come up with so many reasons to inject themselves into a chicks phone and will defend it to the death
Bro, she'll hit you up probably in 2 or 3 days after a good date. It's natural feminine energy to think about her crush and send a little cutesy message
Maybe not now since you texted her those things, but if she likes you she'll send you some random text out the blue in a couple days
Anyway, like someone said, don't contact her any more then just text her in a week to schedule another date. You need to let that needy energy from you sending the text and ig story fade
[–]joebeau99 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Brother it sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal after the kiss, take a step back. I usually don't hit them up for at least a week after the first date. Give her some space, make her feel like you are also busy with your life and purpose.
Remember your purpose is more important than a girl, never forget that.
[–]mackspork2 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"She gave me some last-minute resistance" you're fucking weird
[–]Yerebeets 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol wtf :D When I leaned in, she said she doesn't "hook up just like that", while she was totally comfortable with me holding her and initiating a kiss. After that we were making out and she was very into it. A lot of girls do that because they don't want to seem "too easy". If you can't understand that, I believe you are in the wrong subreddit.
[–]mackspork2 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i literally have tits + dont care + didnt ask + ur weird
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[–]Liberaler 10 points11 points12 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yerebeets 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bcool_returns 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yerebeets 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]caesarfecit 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nevertextgoodnight 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]joebeau99 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mackspork2 -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yerebeets 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mackspork2 -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link