Got a girls Instagram at mall at her work (Ik I should of got her # ) dmed her, texted 4 a little not very much then asked when she’s available to meet, no response in 2 days. It doesn’t say she opened my dm but Ik she read it. Did I ask to quickly?

roman_xvx · 2022-03-31T14:51:57+00:00

I think you should've first make sure you both had something in common you enjoyed and used it as something to meet for. Or also, it's good to just have fun plans and invite her to join, this way she doesn't feel like there's so much pressure on her, you'll go either way no matter if she's available.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-03-31T14:48:00+00:00

You only ask for a date when she is on an emotional high, not when she is in a neutral state emotional state. That was the mistake. So you need to make her genuinely laugh, you need to have such an engaging conversation, that she responds quickly, genuinely laughs, asks questions, texts enthusiastically and that’s when you can do it

Mistermistery101 · 2022-03-31T17:12:44+00:00

It's a bust bro. Forget about her. But that's the beauty in learning seduction. One of the lessons you learn is to never focus on any one girl in particular.

Because let's look at things objectively. If you were extremely interested in someone , would you leave a message on read?

Let's look at it from a girls perspective. If she was interested in you, would she leave your message on read. You know the answer, but you want to keep pushing because on some level you have a scarcity mindset. You think this girl is one of the few opportunities (from you're POV) Of getting some action.

The issue is that you didn't build any type of emotional/sexual attraction when you first approached her. I think that should be your main focus. Not on whether or not you can go on a date with someone or why she isn't responding, but figuring out how to build a more "man to woman" polarizing experience when you first approach a girl.

HotCard1588 · 2022-03-31T17:33:14+00:00

Next time make sure you flirt with her in person first so she can gauge your personality. And see if you have anything in common. The reason why she didn’t respond was because you didn’t leave a good enough impression and she just gave you her IG for either attention or to get you to stop talking to her as soon as possible

Hawj-Clan · 2022-03-31T18:39:23+00:00

Your suppose to have gotten the number. By getting only the Instagram, the girl already classified you as only worthy of her online profile. Best thing you can do to stay classy is just walk away and take this as a learning lesson. If that girl wanted to date you, she would have made extra effort to reach out. She didn't, and she left you on unread. So it's kinda okay cause that basically saved you from wasting money or time on a date. It's still good to get practice though. Next time you ask for that number. If she says no or offers you instagram or some BS contact system, say "it's alright (don't take it), and walk away."

PuroPincheGains · 2022-03-31T19:01:32+00:00

Nobody gets laid from Insta DM's unless you're a celebrity or your profile makes you look like a rich, world travelling adventurer or something. Normal dudes getting instagrams instead of numbers means you were rejected.

teamfriendship · 2022-03-31T17:06:38+00:00

I knew dating was a numbers game when I was a kid intuitively, like when I got rejected for the high school dance by Kellie blah blah blah, I knew in some way I had to keep asking until I got a yes. As I started dating online, the numbers game got WAY more obvious. I’m way more eligible now than I ever was, but still dying out, fizzling conversations are 9/10. A lot of people are just very cautious to fully engage at first. Even when they like you. Even when YOU like them, you’ll start to watch yourself fizzle out and go “ehh, i need a break from dating,” or “this person isn’t what I thought.” And just leave the conversations to die. When you see yourself do it, it doesn’t confound you as much when women do it.

And you see it so often, that you start to think of online dating like fishing or digging for gold, the game of it is to mostly NOT succeed, but just keep moving the shovel and trying to dig a little deeper each time, try to loosen up as it gets a little frustrating, etc, and really enjoy every win and the sense of accomplishment you get from learning to command social interactions SLOWLY.

The idea holds true that the best winners, lose a lot, and don’t even call it losing. It’s learning. It’s part of the game. Going to Reddit and getting some new information to try. Part of the game! Good job. If you haven’t already, make a good dating app and start getting used to this. It’s very fun if you have no expectations, like on Omegle or something. Think of it as a curiosity or an amusement park ride at first, then let the connections grow into more. Work on only watering the ones that WANT to grow, and seeing how much more satisfying that is for you. Learn to respect your own preferences and enforce them quietly. Try not to show resentment for women who annoy you, just keep giving multiple people chances to have the best time with you, and only focus on having the best time with them, since there are so many other options to explore.

You realize, with self compassion, that trying to psychoanalyze all these women who are just deciding whether or not they want to have a conversation or a hang with someone new, is like asking why every job you ever applied to didn’t call you back. Put out 10 applications for every one you want, that’s the way everything in the world seems to happen, but for guys, we feel a connection from attraction, so we feel like we’re already invested and why aren’t they? But you gotta start where people are interested in you, so take every cold remark or pause as evidence that THEY AIN’T IT. Don’t stop reaching out to new people until you find someone who is, and then THATS only the start of another journey. This is a part of life, and you’ll miss it when it’s gone, so just enjoy the fun insanity of being able to be intimate with new people. A few hundred years ago that was illegal in a lot of places, and it still is.

As for what you’re feeling now, I know the feeling believe me. Just one big WTF reaction, I had some this week. But it’s not just about what you did, they’re ghosting and making you uncomfortable for asking a question, because they ain’t it for you. That’s the tip of a coldness iceberg you won’t like. Some guys WILL like that. Guys who aren’t as interested in self awareness as you who have 5 more girls they’re texting to get one to come out on a Friday night. But they might also have a massive drinking problem with no job prospects to go along with it. That ain’t you either! “Let’s see what else is out here…at the tip of my finger…literally any day of the week even if I’m too scared to approach right now.”

Try to embrace that things are this way for a reason, and slow progress is key in all lifelong pursuits, so that you can test out a lot of people at every stage of the interaction, and that process is going to be hard at first, and then easier and easier. At some point, it’ll become so easy that you’ll see women as people that don’t owe you anything but respect, like the clerk at a gas station, and then you can really form authentic relationships. That takes maybe 5-10 years of experimentation for most men, and they’ll be the best years of your life if you go easy on yourself and just enjoy this fun numbers game that’s way more meaningful than anything in Vegas. You realize that you have to sort of discover compatible people, not just pick them because you imagine it would go well.

That said, it is disappointing to lose faith in a girl who’s not showing genuine interest, I still get annoyed sometimes and regret sending a text like “boo with the one word answers!” But “no worries if you don’t really want to text, just let me know if you wanna hop on the phone sometime this week and see if we don’t hate each other 😘.” Works much better. Makes me feel better, makes them feel better. I had to fuck that up 10 times before I learned that! If you do get frustrated and over text, just see how that makes you feel and whether it worked, no shame, just learning. Some people are just more closed off to begin with.

Anyway, lot said, but try to reframe this, from how do I get her, to how many lines can I cast out in my break from work, and which ones are really engaged enough to have a phone call and feel it out, or do a low key date. Start with them, even if you’re less attracted at first, you’ll be getting experience and making all the mistakes you don’t want to make when a long term prospect comes along.

dreamlesss13 · 2022-03-31T18:48:19+00:00

just text "rude". Easy way to guilt trip her into answering.

Nullroute127 · 2022-03-31T18:12:18+00:00

Girls at work is a special scenario. There's quite a bit of pressure on her to be cordial so she doesn't upset a customer or create workplace drama. So, they might give you the contact just as an easy out for the situation they don't want to be in. Even if they are interested in you, it can feel coerced. I'm not saying it's not possible she was interested, just recognize there are externalities at play.

You need to have a pretty good interaction to cement yourself. That she responded to your DM doesn't necessarily indicate this. Basically, you need to be compelling/interesting enough for her to want to talk to you, and ALSO she needs to trust you. It's possible to have one without the other.

But yes always escalate on a high note. Girls signal this by being engaged in the conversation. They don't just respond, but will ask follow up questions or comments. They will double, triple, quadruple text. They might write entire essays. If you make a cheesy joke you'll get laugh or heart/kiss emojis. Basically, they make it SUPER easy to talk to them.

When you're getting this, that's when you move. A vague close like, "How does coffee with an irresistible customer (a callback to how you met, in a cocky but playful way) in the near future sound?" - This doesn't require a lot of upfront commitment from her - it's easy to say yes to. But she's also mentally committed to getting together at SOME point. You can then use that to escalate to number, "Let's figure out logistics, 5554446666, yours?" I've found that if you do your job right, the next message they will text you straight away VS just responding with her number. Just the number might need to do a bit more tension/interest before going for specifics. You want her to not flake, so her emotional investment needs to be high.

If it feels like you're dragging a dead weight, you are. It sounds to me like you tried to escalate off off low interest or silence.

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