So I went on over 10 dates in the past 2 months and as I was writing field reports for two of them I discovered a really subtle way in which I can touch a girl to make her want more. Then I reflected on a few more dates and a really interesting pattern emerged. It's not about getting as physical as possible but rather pulling away from time to time so a girl craves more physicality. A lot of girls will go along with a bit more physicality than they want but wouldn't you want her to want more rather than less? Wouldn't you want her to chase a bit rather than you trying to break her?

Before I start giving you specific examples here is something to keep in mind. People are around 2,5 times more likely to appreciate something that they can lose than something that they can gain.

Here is what I mean. The first "aha" moment was with this girl with which I had an amazing first date and a pretty average second date. Now there are many reasons for that but I am gonna focus just on the physicality. During the first date at one point, I had my hand on her thigh but a few minutes later I started talking, and since I am quite animated when I talk I naturally took it off her thigh. After that, I didn't put it back on her thigh. A few minutes later the same thing happened. I put my hand on her thigh and when I started talking I moved it and then didn't put it back there. And then again the same thing for the third time but this time when I was moving my hand away there was a bit of resistance on her part as I could tell that she wanted my hand on her thigh. The next time I put my hand there she put her hand over mine as a way for me to not move it again. She wanted more physicality. In contrast on the second date I again put my hand on her thigh but this time I wasn't pulling back. My hand was on her thigh for probably 20-30 minutes without me even moving it until I felt some tension and an uncomfortable twitch there. She wanted less this time.

Now I think that this is just a symptom of the problem rather than the root cause. I will give you another example in a bit that will provide a bit more clarity on this but the reason you might be seeking a bit more physicality than the girl is ready for is that you are getting a bit needy for her affection and you don't wanna lose the affection that you're already receiving. Remember you are more likely to appreciate something 2,5 times if you can lose it than if you can gain it. You can fake the pulling away to an extent but if you're having too good of a time you get out of your head and then you can't really control yourself and how much physicality you're seeking and giving.

Here's the second "aha" moment. I went on two dates with two different girls in the span of 4 days. The first girl is exactly my type in terms of looks and personality. The second girl is cute and pleasant to be around but I wasn't like "OH MY GOD". Now I don't really get nervous about getting physical but I do get nervous about a kiss. With the first girl (the one I really liked) I had an amazing time for the first 3 hours of the date. We were laughing, we were getting physical and we were all over each other but I wasn't confident about going for the kiss so I never did. I did look at her lips a few times and leaned forward but then stopped myself. Eventually, she went for it and we kissed. Now in hindsight, I am realizing that might have made the attraction stronger as she was expecting a kiss a few times but I pulled away until eventually, she went for it. The problem arose in the next 30 minutes (last 30 minutes) of the date when I had already kissed her. I started getting way too needy, going for lots and lots of kisses, we ended up holding hands while we were walking out of the bar and I wasn't letting her hand go as we were walking. By the time it was time to go our separate ways she was already a bit distant and the final kiss was completely different from the first one. She went from wanting more physicality to wanting less in the span of 30 minutes.

4 days later on the date with the second girl, I was naturally comparing the two in my mind. I wasn't entirely sold on the girl so the physical pulling was happening pretty naturally. Pretty early on I held her hand but pretty quickly pulled away. Then we kissed but it took another whole hour for us to kiss again. When we kissed again I could feel how bad she wanted it. She held my hand while we were walking for a bit but then I pulled my hand to show her something but never grabbed her hand again. When I eventually grabbed her hand again I felt from her grip that she really wanted to hold it. She wanted more. The reason for that is because I gave her a bit but then took it away and she craved more. Again, we appreciate something that we can lose 2,5 times more than something that we can gain. Also, I wasn't desperate for her touch and affection. With the first girl I didn't take away anything after that first kiss I kept on giving and when you give someone everything easily they don't really appreciate it as much. I was desperate to kiss her again and to hold her. Needless to say that I didn't sleep with the first girl although I did see her again, but I did sleep with the second girl.

There were a few more "aha" moments but I am gonna give you one last one. This one is not from the dates but from a night out in between but the same principles apply. I went home with this girl and in the morning we were both super hungover so we spent probably 5-6 hours in bed together mostly cuddling. Now although I slept with this girl it didn't mean that sleeping with her again in the morning was a given. As I said we were cuddling but we were cuddling in a way that I was kinda making her want less. We were at the center of the bed but then I could feel her slowly edging towards her end and at that point, I wasn't even sure if we're gonna have sex again so I just rolled to my side almost completely breaking touch. I still had my hand on the side of her body but it was nowhere near the spooning from before. A funny thing happened. As we were talking she slowly started edging towards me now until we were spooning again. This time tho instead of her edging towards her end of the bed I was edging towards my end until I was pretty much at the edge and had to tell her to move a bit otherwise I'd fall off the bed. Now she wanted more. Eventually, we ended up having sex again but I am pretty sure that if I kept edging her to her side of the bed without taking a step back we probably wouldn't have had sex again.

Now, this isn't a new concept. I have heard it being called 2 steps forwards, 1 step back. At the end of the day tho like I already said you can try to fake it but sooner or later you will break. Be conscious of it but don't try to engineer it. I know that it's not possible to be doing things naturally 100% of the time and sometimes you gotta rely on some of those techniques but try to get yourself to a point in which things are happening as naturally as possible as often as possible. Also, the same concept of pulling back and making her crave more could be applied to all aspects of the interaction, not just physicality.

Hope you found this helpful! :)