Still don't know how to escalate!

playingandrealityxxx · 2021-08-01T18:15:32+00:00

There's your fucking problem mate: "loneliness is killing me"

Woman have a sixth sense for desperation and any sort of need to be with her. It sounds like that woman fucking sucked and youre better off by yourself.

Let go of that need to be with someone. You are OK alone. In fact, you have the most potential to live your best life when you're single. You're a 33 year old male, with no kids. You have your shit together. You're going on dates. Slow the fuck down, you're going to get where you're going man.

For your conversation anxiety, I have success by just talking about random stuff. The book I'm reading. The music I'm listening too. The music I'm writing. The poetry I read and write. The work outs I've been trying. Then I flip this over to them, but sometimes i just completely steer the convo elsewhere and keep it going about random things that they might have sprinkled into the conversation. Also, I just never compliment their looks right off the bat.

Save the compliment for when you're walking her to the car. Make a move, put your hand on her waist, say she looks hot. Tell her this was fun. Go for a hug, but bring her close, and make sure it's a heart to heart and your bodies touch. You'll know the date was a failure if she gives you one of those one handed bro hugs and tries to avoid body contact with you. Let the hug linger, and then that's when you go for a kiss, if she's looking at you and maintaining closeness.

For a second date try to do something more active like an activity. Rock climbing, nature walk, picnic, even something like the zoo or aquarium. Try to avoid double drink dates in a row, that might help your problem with conversations going no where.

Also, try and avoid future plans and career stuff out the gate. Obviously talk about what you do for a living and stuff, but don't get existential and talk about what your 5 year plan is until you're seeing each other regularly and have consistent sex, more trust, etc. It might be too much and she might smell that neediness that you need someone to get you through these five years to lean on. You don't need anyone to fucking lean on man. It's all you and that's OK.

Devolution20 · 2021-08-01T16:20:20+00:00

I never talk about that shit until I know the person can tolerate hearing it.....career, money, responsibilities, goals, anything serious that's boring, I want to have a good time, she does too... hopefully. If you actually have a good routine and your own journey she will know in time.....So i usually joke or playfully ask if that's what she's really interested in talking about. Usually not. Read the body language and if you get giggles or smiles and chemistry while out, you can take the opportunity to escalate with a little touch, flirt, or pop serious questions, of course only if you like her. I feel like the best questions are in the form of, would you this...if you had.... if you could, would you rather, etc I like to hear them talk more than myself. Also I'm naturally a person that likes to be close or "in your bubble" to people when I feel a connection so I do this thing it's kinda like guiding a person (I believe it's come from having a child with CP) with slight touch on the back or shoulder or grabbing there arm or wrist a bit while out in about just as a kind of like "I got you/follow me". Alot of the times I can see when they have picked up on it...but I usually do it unintentionally.

No-Platform-2184 · 2021-08-01T15:26:47+00:00

I think you need to be honest with yourself, why are your conversations getting boring? What topics do you get stuck on? There's not much chance of escalating if you aren't having a good time.

jostyouraveragejoe2 · 2021-08-01T15:21:58+00:00

I relate to this, i would be lying if i said that i have things figured out. So this girls go out with you, isn't that a bit of an admission that they wanted for you to do more? Like i said i feel the same fear as you do i have quite a few similar stories. Small escalations are still appropriate so flirting, compliments, discussion of "mature" topics and even light touching WHEN appropriate are stuff you are well in your right to do in a date. You don't need her to explicitly ask for them i realize that you are looking for permission to do things but she gave you that by agreeing for a date that is why they get bored because their expectations are not been met. Again you don't need explicit permission to try and fleart in a date it's part of it, you don't ask for permission to banter with your friends right so why ask with a date , and friendly reminder flearting is not the same as making sexual advances or hitting on someone. Honestly this is hard but i believe in you, mostly because i believe in my self... most days.

kawaii_neet_bot · 2021-08-01T22:32:48+00:00

Well you were in a relationship once, so maybe you haven't met the right person yet? Tbh I think it's most likely that you just didn't meet the right person yet so there was no chemistry. The other thing is that I can't get a read of your personality in your post. Most of your self descriptions focus on your outward image. But what makes you interesting as a person? Being clean, hygienic and well-groomed are just basic adult things so they don't give you bonus points.

kpopdj1999 · 2021-08-02T05:49:42+00:00

You just have to do it. Touch her. There's no magic secret. When you meet the woman for your date (hopefully at your house), immediately hug her. If the hug feels on, immediately go for more. If it doesn't, lead her by the hand to do whatever the date activity is (drink wine or w/e). Put the music on, pour her glass of wine, and put your arm around her while you talk. Put your hand on her leg when the vibe is up, and soon after that do a kiss test and kiss her. etc.

Interesting-Brief202 · 2021-08-01T16:29:01+00:00

Wrong type of date. Dinner dates are not for guys who want punani. Go to a bar drink. When you are drunk you'll be bold. When she is drunk she'll be receptive. Food doesn't make you horny.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-08-01T19:59:26+00:00

No excuses... there's hundreds/thousands of guides or videos on how to do this.

Put in the effort or keep failing.

Your choice.

Title	Still don't know how to escalate!
Author	lordbyron0001
Upvotes	19
Comments	21
Date	August 1, 2021 2:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ovsuv9/still_dont_know_how_to_escalate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/still-dont-know-how-to-escalate.1279179 https://theredarchive.com/post/1279179

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