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[–]vorter 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, damn good read
[–]hklehman 16 points17 points18 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So much info dropped! Can believe this is getting buried! Thanks for the writeup!
[–]demoneyes90515 points 11 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
No problem. If this post does well, I will post more often in this sub.
There used to be a lot of posts like this one but those posters have all left in the past two years sadly.
[–]Mouthpiece 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Excellent post, great summary. Sidebar material right there.
[–]miroar 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is golden, please do post more!
[–]jdub129 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I have issues with getting out of interview mode and building a rapport. Any tips for this?
[–]demoneyes90520 points 11 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
As mentioned in the post, most of the initial talking will be done by you for the first half of the date. Talk about topics that you feel passionate about but be relaxed and confident when doing so. Don't ramble. Leave some spaces in between thoughts so she can interject and ask questions or bring up topics of her own volition.
Last but not least, contrary to what anyone says, silences are GOOD. If you make a silence awkward, it BECOMES awkward but if you just relax, she will see the deafening silence and talk about topics that she wants to talk about.
Conversations are organic. There will be silences. You can't stop them by just barraging her with questions. This will kill immersion and rapport.
One MAJOR thing to learn is to talk slowly. Next time you talk to a girl, seriously look at the speed at which you talk. People who talk fast do so because unconsciously they feel that they need to get their thoughts out as fast as possible before they are interrupted. This implies that your thoughts are not important and shows a lack of confidence. Talking slow implies on some unconscious level that you are confident that your message is important so you are giving time to properly say and convey the words. Look at world leaders and influential people in power and you will see evidence of this.
[–]jdub129 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am okay with silences. I never thought about it, but I talk EXTREMELY fast, if the topic I am talking about is interesting to me. I also need to work on using bits of her responses to dive deeper into the conversation, I tend to drift in an out.
Thank you for this advice.
[–]Mast3rR0b_90 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A few questions should not be bad. Try to understand what she likes, what you have in common. Be confident and make assumptions. Let her come out and talk. OP advice is golden, start 80:20 and slowly go 50:50
[–]ed2rummy 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
make assumptions rather than question.
ie don't ask if she has watched Oceans 11 first.
say "so whats your verdict on Ocean in Oceans 11 blah blahblah". if she hasn't she will tell you. "no i haven't watched it yet". "oh, me neither.
it gets the conversation flowing
[–]Awston7 points 11 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
This is a great guide.
What if I don't want to escalate to sex on the first date BUT i want to keep her interested enough that she'll definitely have sex on the second?
Example: I'm meeting a girl from tinder this week on my lunch break during work. I have no time to escalate and bang her.
[–]KoreanBoy16 points 11 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Not that different. Escalate as much as your time allows.
[–]Awston6 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
And then make plans for later in the week and re-escalate? It seems like common sense, but my lack of dating experience is making me second guess myself :P
[–]KoreanBoy18 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yes. Make dates and re-escalate. If you escalated far during the first date, then, you can try to to meet at her/your place right away for a small cook out session or movie night and proceeds right away from where you guys left off from the last date.
Edit: you need to build enough comfort level to directly go to one's house
[–]demoneyes9052 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Personally, I always make a date where there are a couple of hours to talk and build attraction. It also allows you to escalate easier and not think about having a time limit for your date.
Doing so over a lunch break is a bit too casual for my taste but if that is all time allows, then escalate as much as you can but as naturally as you can. You rather be relaxed, confident and natural in your escalation than speed up the escalation just because of the time limit.
[–]phillipsap 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Never underestimate the power-pose in all situations in life; dating, your work, excelling at your hobbies and interests...that shits infectious. There's a great TED talk on it on UK Netflix
[–]Mr_Ottoman2 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It's on Youtube aswell
[–]TheHolyFonz 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Quality post. Thanks man people like you build this community
[–]WaitIMessedUp 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This seems like a seriously stupid question, but what day of the week should I take girls out on? This has happened to me quite a few times in the past: Meet a girl Saturday, set date for next Friday, they move up the date to some random day like on Wednesday, and then nothing comes of it. That said, a lot of it is because I make zero attempt at escalation, but I'm wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do about them moving up the day.
I personally try to go for non-weekend dates as much as I can especially Monday-Wednesdays as opposed to weekend dates.
There are 3 reasons for this:
Make a point to set a date that is at max 3-4 days away. Any more and the chance of her flaking GREATLY increases. I don't care what anyone says. Texting is mainly for getting her to a date or a meet up. Girls can flirt forever via text and you will literally get nowhere. At most, you might gain a little rapport but true progress is built in person.
[–]goats_walking 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So who pays for the coffee/drinks. I feel I should be the one to do it but I've had girls who hate it when I do. So now there's an awkward moment before anything is payed for.
[–]demoneyes9054 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
If its drinks, I usually get the first round and with a bit of teasing and jokes, get her to pay for the next and alternate from there. I think the only exception to the this for me is when I know that she is very attracted to me and sex is almost guaranteed. Even there, I don't try to stay in the bar for long and do a venue change before the bill gets racked up. Its not because of the price but instead just because I don't care for alcohol as much as talking and going on walks.
If its coffee, its only a few bucks (usually $5-$10) so I just pay for the entire thing without flinching.
The bottom line as I have been saying over and over is do what makes you comfortable and be confident in that decision. If you are indecisive, awkward or uncomfortable with paying or not paying, then those negative feelings will spread to her and worsen the situation. If you are unflinching in your resolve and confident in what you want, then even if she disagrees with you, she will feel more comfortable than the alternative.
[–]kiwistudent 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Assume that you're paying unless she pulls out her card. If she gets upset; "Okay, but I'm getting the next round" or "Hey cool, your turn next."
I like it when a girl pays and will sometimes banter with them to get them to buy a round. "I feel bad that you drove this far to pick me up." "You're a terrible person. Haha. Nah, but you're buying me a drink."
[–]Octopictogram 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Very informative post! I'm horrid at all this, hopefully this will be of help to my Ventures.
[–]HighWolverine 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What about bringing a car on a date..?
Bringing a car on a date doesn't change things much.
Make sure since you pick her up at her place so that you are able to escalate and close. Otherwise, at the end of the date, she will drive back in her own car or other mode of transportation and much of your progress will be reversed
The only thing that changes is that the "icebreaker" phase done in the coffee shop will just be done in the car. When you are joking and getting to know each other, be sure to have some level of physical contact in the car like high fives, playful hitting, etc.
When coming back to her place or yours at the end of the date, keep the physical contact going. Go for a deep kiss when you are at signals or put your hand on her thighs. The point is to keep both of your minds on point but do so in a relaxed and confident way as to keeping her from overthinking it.
[–]vgsgpz 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
why does the man have to pay? i think if she pays it will show you treat women like equals.
[–]blastanova 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
i think if she pays it will show you treat women like equals.
When it comes to the date, the goal is that we (as men) should take the initiative and assume responsibility. Men are expected to make the first move and ask a woman out. Men are expected to plan the date (which is exactly what this post is about.) Men are expected to have responsibility and ownership of the approach and the date. And included with that responsibility is a financial responsibility. You plan the date, you pay for the date. It's really hard to segregate those two.
On a very basic level, we do this because it's what works, it's what women want: women want to be treated like women. Women like it when a guy is willing to pay for them: it makes them feel feminine, and it makes them feel more like they are with a responsible man. We pay for the date for the same reason that we take initiative in planning the activities for the date (and also ask for the date in the first place).
Setting the idea of a "date" completely aside, it's just good courtesy that you pay when the venue was your idea. When I was a financially strapped college student, I had an affluent uncle who invited me to get lunch with him at a nice steakhouse. The cheapest thing on the menu was $40. I assumed he was treating me (it was his invitation), and I was pretty upset when he indicated to the server that we were going to split check, because I was not in a position to be spending $40 on lunch, and going to this restaurant was not my idea. (I briefly explained this to him, and he apologized and paid for me--the idea that I would be bothered about paying $40 for lunch hadn't occurred to him, because for him as a New York finance guy spending $40+ on lunch was a regular, everyday thing.)
Anyway, that's kind of an extreme example, but the point is even if you're just spending $6 on drinks, you don't want to be that guy. "Hey, come with me to get drinks! By the way, you're paying for your half." It's tacky. Don't be the guy who comes up with plans and then expects other people to help pay for them. Your idea, your responsibility.
The exception, of course, is when the women offers to pay. And even in that situation, I let her know that I'm okay with covering the bill myself. If she's insistent, I usually offer a playful, "Hey, you can cover next time, okay?" Which is a great way to demonstrate ownership and responsibility, while also demonstrating a willingness to compromise and also demonstrate interest in her (because you're implying there will be another future date where she will be allowed to pay).
Personally, I just pay. It's coffee and it will cost me a few bucks so it's not too big of a deal.
If she offers, that's fine too. Go with whatever is comfortable and just be relaxed and confident in the decision.
[–]capnblueballs 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly what I needed, I've got a date coming up tomorrow night. Thanks man!
[–]ASS__TITTIES[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Excellent post
[–]_MissingNo_[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This all seems so good in theory. Then I get on the dates and it just seems ... impractical. I'm in college and I can get a good conversation going with a girl at a coffee shop and then get her maybe to come to a party another time because she liked me and then we get drunk and hook up that way, then continue to hang out. But if I'm walking with a girl sober and it's the first date I know they're going to be freaked out by the touching, by me stopping to kiss them, by even the prospect of moving from place to place.
Also, there's a table between you at a coffee shop as much as there is at lunch. So what's wrong with lunch?
How do you KNOW they are going to be freaked out by touching? They will be if you are going to be awkward about it. I have dated many, many girls who were 19-20 years old and they all have no qualms when I get more intimate with them especially with touching..all without alcohol. The same women who say that they need multiple dates to get comfortable enough to sleep with a guy, I have seen fucking a guy with better confidence, body language and posture and higher SMV within an hour. Hell...I have been the latter.
Alcohol should not be the only tool in your arsenal to get in bed with her; it should be your personal successes and confidence and the way by which you carry yourself.
The difference between restaurants and coffee shops is that I grab coffee and after 10-20 minutes, can easily venue chance and take my coffee to go. I can't just get up and leave at a restaurant. Many of the most relaxing and profound conversations with people have been done by just talking and walking. This is why I suggested a park.
In the end, I can tell you that body language and confidence and taking action works but if you really want to know, do it yourself. Internalize the principles, better yourself and see the changes.
[–]AwwwwYeeeee 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love this write up...getting me pumped for my date tomorrow
[–]KoreanBoy11 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Spot on. This is aldo exactly how I go about.
[–]glitchSystemErr -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you so much for this.. I have trouble with F-closing and feel this will help alot. Thanks again!:-)
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[–]vorter 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hklehman 16 points17 points18 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes90515 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mouthpiece 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]miroar 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jdub129 7 points8 points9 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes90520 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jdub129 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mast3rR0b_90 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ed2rummy 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Awston7 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]KoreanBoy16 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Awston6 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]KoreanBoy18 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes9052 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]phillipsap 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_Ottoman2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TheHolyFonz 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WaitIMessedUp 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes9052 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]goats_walking 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes9054 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]kiwistudent 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Octopictogram 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HighWolverine 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes9054 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]vgsgpz 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]blastanova 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes9052 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]capnblueballs 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ASS__TITTIES[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_MissingNo_[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]demoneyes9052 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]AwwwwYeeeee 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KoreanBoy11 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]glitchSystemErr -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link